h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The imposition ... what a gas.

Posted Jul 25, 2003

I've gotten myself into a nasty little corner this weekend.

Instead of doing the things I had planned ... namely nothing ... I'll be slaving over a drawing board for the rest of the month, producing cute fuzzy bunny pictures that make me want to barf.

How did this sordid state of affairs arise, you ask? Well, it all started with a little question I directed to my workmate who happens to be pregnant with her second child. Wanting to help out after her family had lost all their previous baby things in last year's house fire, I said, "Is there still anything you need especially for the baby?". I mentioned this in the hope that she would direct me to some item that would be useful that could be purchased in a local store ... BUT NO! After deliberating on the subject for several days, she cleverly pointed out to me that there was a need for something decorative on the walls, and would I please make some pictures for the nursery? "You're really artistic and crafty like that, and I'm sure you could make artwork to match the wallpaper border I have in the baby's room."

Gag.

I stood there, blinking. "Oh for the love of Bob, why do you have to ask for something difficult? Ask me for a car seat, a crib, a college education for the little varmint ... but PLEASE, I beg you, don't screw up the next three weekends!", I thought this to myself. I knew I had messed up big time, and there was not an easy exit. And then, just as the phrase "No" should have escaped my lips, I hopefully thought, "It's a silly little wallpaper border, how difficult could it be to make a little piccie or two?" Pregnant women have a pathetic kind of magnetic charm which should be illegal and to my own horror, I found myself *sort of* agreeing to this project, and I told her to bring in a section of leftover wallpaper for me to use as a reference. At that very moment, I was lost ... socially caught with my pants down around my ankles, in a manner of speaking.

WHAT THE H*LL WAS I THINKING? I don't want to copy stinking little bunnies from cutsie wallpaper! I want to go to a frikking baby department, pick out a gift, pay for it, get it home, wrap it in pretty paper, and present it to the recipient. That's all. I've made a lifetime career of avoiding illustrating every cotton-picking project that the people around me being to my attention. I'm fabulously good at saying no, very quickly, yet politely, to these off-hand requests. Forgive me, but people just don't realize what all is involved, or the amount of time needed to *make* anything. I know what they're thinking ... "Oh, just dash something off in an hour ... it's no biggie." Like it is.

My workmate sees me drawing diligently at my computer screen every day ... and I'm sure this seemed to be something I could toss in with my other wo*k, but that's not a good idea. I *could* make a request to use all the tools at my disposal at wo*k, but my employer charges something like $200.00 US a hour for my labor and the use of his equipment by our customers. If I could scan the aforementioned bunnies, run them through Photoshop, enhance the color, apply a charcoal and canvas effect to them, then print them out on some sort of durable stock, this could work easily ... and fairly quickly. Unfortunately, I don't make such requests. I simply don't want to get into the habit.

So, since I lack any drawing tools on my home computer, I'm left with one option ... reproducing them by hand. One more thing. I have the wallpaper in my hands now, and these are going to be no easy task. I *can* do this ... I have the ability, but the level of detail is excessive and will take waaaay too much of my time, with each bunny having individual hairs visible on it's entire body. The bunnies are wearing detailed clothing, and, they're sitting on overstuffed furniture that has tiny patterned fabrics. All this, and subtle shading too.

I'd much rather be creating something original. Augh! *wince*

I must think of an alternative. I've stuck my foot in it this time.

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Latest reply: Jul 25, 2003

Where the heck did I put that towel?

Posted Oct 11, 2002

Well, I've just received my package from Amazon.com. It was found left in the hallway next to my door by the nice UPS person. I've opened it, and as expected, pulled out a shiny new copy of "The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide" by Douglas Adams. It's a hard cover version. I hate hardcover versions, but it was a lot less pricey than the paperback set I found at a local bookstore. Personal peeve: a hard cover book is not as comfortable to drag around the apartment, curl up with, eat, pee and sleep with as a paperback is. You can't roll up the cover and hold it in one hand while doing stuff with your other hand, like one-handed twiddling, for instance. If you try this with a hardcover, you will be instantly cramped and poked viciously by unyielding protruding bits ... but I digress.

I know that most of you out there will be horrified to discover that I haven't read the entire DNA "Guide" series. Many of you have doubtless noticed my ignorance of a few key Hitchhiker's jokes, such as my missed references to "Almighty Bob" ... heck, he wasn't in the first two books, was he? I haven't read any of this stuff since I was twenty. By now, those brain cells have certainly died.

Anyway ... I'm off to do some catching up, so that I can pass myself off as being properly Hitchhiker-fied.

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Latest reply: Oct 11, 2002

September 2002

Posted Sep 27, 2002

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Latest reply: Sep 27, 2002

Life 101

Posted Sep 24, 2002

My grades just came in.

I failed the course. (F-)

I'm not a happy washcloth.

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Latest reply: Sep 24, 2002

Uncomfortably numb.

Posted Jun 25, 2002

I think I should stop posting on h2g2. My sense of humor is a little too coarse for the place, apparently. I guess I go a little too far, especially for a woman.

I'm sorry if I've offended anyone ... I didn't mean to, but I seem to be doing that a lot lately. There just doesn't seem to be an embarrassment smiley that shows how bad I feel about myself here. I really don't belong ... anywhere for that matter.

See ya.

It's been real ...

A.W.

Discuss this Journal entry [53]

Latest reply: Jun 25, 2002