h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ooooo! Avarice! It doesn't get any better than avarice... like buying new computers and stuff.

*claps while jumping up and down*
(slightly, so as not to disturb the sloth)

Update:

The iBook has arrived in Anchorage, Alaska!

I reckon their having you on! Some little bloke sits all day in his office dreaming up fantasy itineries and emailing them out to naive punters. It's just a way of building up the tension making the customer feel special and excited!

Who you calling naive?
They sent photos of it posing with eskimos.

>>They sent photos of it posing with eskimos<<

Actually that might be quite a cool advert for Apple to use. And the ad could end with it being delivered to the demented gerbil who creeps off with it into the cupboard!

That would be me!




Shall we take wagers on the next destination the bloke in the cubicle will imagine?

Oh, they probably make up all that stuff to impress Ohioans who have to put up with lake-effect snow in the winter, and Cleveland in the summer.

(Yes, Cleveland has steadily and stealthily been creeping southward, so that now two-thirds of Ohio is under its shadow )

Okay, okay, I'll go and have the adjust my medication.

How about a nice bohemian place like Seattle, next? They could photograph it with the two Republican voters living there to make you feel all warm and patriotic inside!

Actually, that iBook order was accidentally sent out to a few million uninterested and slothful Chinese beaureaucrats....... and by some strange conincidence also to myself here in Yichang, China. As soon as I saw your name on it, AW, I immediately signed an important looking Chinese name to it and sent it right back, authorizing the despatch.

And as for how we managed to send it out three and a half hours before you ordered it....... well, we have our operatives everywhere these days, watching everything you do, Comrade, and we were fairly certain you were going to sign the order. And if you hadn't signed the order, some lackey probably would have been shot for pre-empting the whole thing.

Now, for anyone who may be interested.........

Suzhou - "S" is the shhhhhhh sound, "zh" is j.... so it is pronounced Shoe-joe

Comrade - I am told that in major cities like Beijing and Shanghai, the Chinese word for "Comrade" is now used as a slang term for "Gay".

Here endeth the lesson.

"Yes, Cleveland has steadily and stealthily been creeping southward, so that now two-thirds of Ohio is under its shadow. "

I've always been under the (radio-television broadcasting) shadow of Cleveland, Paul, so I wouldn't notice that it is creeping. You got something against Cleveland taking over the world?



"How about a nice bohemian place like Seattle, next? They could photograph it with the two Republican voters living there to make you feel all warm and patriotic inside! "

Nice try, Red. Somehow, Republican luster has worn thin with me recently... but that's okay. I detest both major American political parties equally and have decided to move to Nova Scotia at the earliest possible convenience.

Red, you'll be pleased to know that the iBook has landed in Indianapolis, Indiana an hour and a half ago (according to the Apple cubicle lackey). It is taking a few laps around the Indy track as I speak. Again, Apple has sent convincing photos of the iBook's activities along the way. All I can say is that it's a good thing I purchased that "iSkin" condom thingy for protection from the keyboard, because I've seen where this computer has been.



"As soon as I saw your name on it, AW, I immediately signed an important looking Chinese name to it and sent it right back, authorizing the despatch."

Damn, that's a relief.

I cannot thank you enough for the great speed with which you processed my order, ER. However, was it *really* necessary to program the iBook with your lascivious ways? I have no idea how long it will take to retrain its impressionable, young mind since its brief exposure to your "teaching".

If the Chinese wish to have "Suzhou" pronounced as "Shoe-Joe", then they should spell it that way in our alphabet, dammit. I cannot possibly be bothered to remember that "Yi Chang" is pronounced as "Yee Chung". I mean, really - what's with that? Next, you'll be telling us that Canton, China is actually Guangzhou (Gwan-Joe). What the? I want to know who changed the name!

Oh, and by the way, ER... why are you calling me Gay?





s Everyone.

It's coming, the iBook is coming today!

This is what it takes to get you excited, Avenging Washcloth-Deranged Gerbil?

Apple have caught you Avenging, hook line and sinker!


The great iBook will solve all your problems forever!

Maybe they should have called it the iBible

Yes, Paul... shiny new Apple delivery is enough to get me excited!!!

Apple didn't need to convince me, Red! I've been buying and using their computers for over a decade at my job, but never had one of my own.

Thankfully, this has been a chance to correct the mistake I made four years ago when I bought this steenking PC. At the time, I felt it was necessary to get some experience in the Windows world... and I've regretted that decision ever since!



By the way... the iBook has just arrived!

*cues sentimental organ music*




*the Deranged Gerbil and the iBook approach the web*


Dearly Beloved, we are gathered together here on hootoo, to join together AW and this iBook in computerly bliss.



Do you AW take this iBook to be your home computer?

Will you love it, care for it, and keep it, in virus scan and software update, keeping yourself only unto it, until such time as a significantly better operating system is released?


*breathlessly waits with the crowd for AW's answer*

We haven't finished our first date yet. So far, the iBook is

I'm having trouble downloading MSN Messenger... the browser(s) keep telling me that the server cannot be found at Microsoft. Downloaded Firefox without incident, however.

By the way, I'm posting from the new Mac.

It's probably a Microsoft problem.

Download Fire--then you don't have to fiddle with Microsoft

What is "Fire", Amy?