h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That was just how mum was kaz.She seemed to do much more in the care home,and i'm sure many people will think iit's a terrible thing to put someone you care about"in to one of thise places".It was because we cared,and realised that we could no longer give mum what she neded to keep her safe and well,that we let her go.She used to sing,and check that all the other residents were okay!!!
It was like a change of personality,and i dont regret one minute that she was there.It is a matter of finding the right place,and takes a lot of soul searching to admit that it's best,but i'm sure it was for mum.

I'm sorry for your troubles. Sadly 'wandering' is very common amongst people with dementia. There is a fine line between restricting their freedom and ensuring their safety. The pragmatic line taken by most care homes is to use keycode locks. In theory residents can key in the code whenever they want. In practice they tend not to remember the code. There's something bleakly humorous in this, I guess.

A friend of mine also had to cope with her mother turning against her father. In this case, the mother became increasingly violent towards him - including hitting him in the face with a bottle and trying to throw hot water on him. Eventually she had to be hospitalised for his good as well as hers.

But, of course, this was a sad solution for all concerned. I'm sure you'll all want to do your best to allow your mom to continue to stay in her familiar surroundings. Is there maybe a possibility for re-arranging the home to give your father his own space - somewhere where he can maybe keep out of your mom's way when necessary? Especially if his presence is sometimes provoking her?

Hi Smurfles its great to see when help can really make a difference like that.

Reading Edwards post made me think of all the sad cases of dementia I have known. My Gramps hit my Gran and my father in marriage used to ask why the help came to bed with him, he thought it was a good service though!

Good luck JEllen, it may seem insurmountable at present, but there can be moments of humour to help lighten the load. Be prepared though for all that can happen, these may seem depressing stories but if they start to happen in someone you know, you can remember how its okay, its happened for someone else and that may help.

There were no keycodes,or locks in mums home,just very watchful care assistants,who gave cuddles when someone was angry/upset/lashing out.
Dementia is a sad illness,but there can be so many light hearted moments,and lots of laughs that can be shared by the sufferer as well.
I believe the locks are more widely used in EMI units,,and unfortunately local councils ae changing the use of residential care homes,to EMI.I have campaigned in the local press,lobbied councillors,and had television coverage locally to get the home mum was in kept open,as council run homes have more stringent policies,and the home is still up and running,after a long fight.
I'm afriad i tend to get on my soap box about the topic,but i do belive in the majority of cases care in the community isn't always an option.We all want to keep our loved ones as safe as possible,and residential care seems to be the best way ,given the fact that it wil become increasingly hard for J Ellens dad,and the rest of the family.

Mom is doing a little bit better - she is on a new alzheimers medication; I'm not sure which one. She seems to be thinking more clearly.

Good! You'll all be very relieved for har and for your dad.

I am so pleased for you.
I hope the improvement continues for a long time,even a small improvement is better.to all the family.

Glad to hear there has been an improvement JEllen.

Great news JEllen, let's hope it continues to improve things; give her a from me!

zdt

Mom continues to improve on the new medication Aricept. She still has some down days, but overall the improvement has been remarkable!

Glad to hear it.

Hi there I am so pleased for you,and the whole family.It is wonderful that things are improving,and that medications are becoming more available,mum was never given any medication for dementia.I hope that life gets better for all of you,the bad days don't seem so hard when they're less frequent,do they.

Glad to hear things are going well, Ellen!

I'm relieved to hear she is doing better, and hope that those down days are fewer and fewer and further between still!

Thanks for the update!

I've missed seeing you as much but think about you and your mom and family a LOT, every day, and I'm always sending you positive thoughts!!

Hi Ellen! Sorry for not having seen this sooner ... I'm very happy that your mom is doing better and holding out hope that she'll continue to improve!

Yippeee, a success story about medication stuff for once!

How about yourself JEllen, are you still on the new meds? Is it going Ok?

zdt

Hi Terri, yes, my meds work reasonably well. The Abilify does a pretty good job of stopping the manias, and when that isn't enough, I add a Zyprexa. The Prozac works fairly well, though I wind up awfully tired a lot of the time from depression. Overall I am doing pretty well though, thanks for asking!

I really must take a look at your PS .I undertand the tiredness from depression too.but i am just lethergic most of the time.Hope your mum continues to do okay.

Hiya JEllen!
I'm glad your meds are working OK for you and that your mom continues to do all right as well. Keep me posted when you can about how things are going with you all.

Hi All!

Jellen, I'm glad to hear your mom is doing better. I didn't know there was really any effective treatment available. Do you know what they have her on? My mom is headed there I'm afraid (so am I for that matter*) but I expect it will be several more years before it gets that bad. Maybe we'll be fortunate and there will be better treatments by then.

*Her mother suffered from dementia before she died. I was very young and never saw here at that point. I'm afraid my mom's headed that way too. My father's mom's mind was absolutely sharp till the day she died I've been told. But I'm afraid I'll take after my mom's side.