h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm brand new, my shiny little bookend....sorry, slipped into charecter

I'm not sure how I came across your post, just kinda browsing, having a look aroung this place; it's awsome!

I didnt neccecarily mean posting every gruesome detail on here, as long as you have someone you can spill your guts to, thats quite enough. The whole world doesn't have to know.

I've got to go rest my bones for another day of gathering twigs, laying pavement, finding all the little acorns of rumor which sprout to great Oaks of stories....I've got this one guy, well you'll just have to read it, he really is the wasps nipples.

Murray

Hi Eric, may I ask what you mean by "he really is the wasps nipples"

I never heard this before...

It's from Goodbye and Thanks for All the Fish... that's how this guy speaks there.

Mom has started running away from home when Dad isn't watching her. She doesn't get very far, but it is terrifying. Not sure what we can do besides put locks on the doors, but that seems so drastic. But as is, she is not safe. Calling my sis tomorrow to confer.

I've spent the last few hours trying to think of sensible, practical ideas that would help - and I've come up with nothing. I'll keep thinking.

I'm sorry aboutyour mom ,and it is a problem.Have you thought about a mini alarm on the outside door??There are many available,and it is run from batteries,and will only go off when the outside door is opened.They aren
t terrifyingly loud either.Or you could try a door chain,but that wouldn't give any warning.

Do you have locks on your outside doors? Or not? I know some people who don't lock their outside doors, but that's such a bizarre concept to me, I just take for granted everyone locks their doors!

Does your house have a gated fence around it? I guess my biggest worry is that she might wander into the street and get hurt.

Let me know what you all figure out. I'll be thinking of you all.

Hi PC, the doors have regular locks on them now, but they are easily opened from the inside. We would have to install locks that require a key to get out.

Alarms would be a great idea, except that my Dad can't hear very well, especially at night when he takes his hearing aids out.

>We would have to install locks that require a key to get out.<

Maybe not such a bad idea, provided they don't violate the fire code where you live.

I'm racking my brain trying to think of other ideas. It's not a situation I've ever been in before. It makes me so sad that you and your family are.

Er...maybe i am attacking this from the wrong angle but...WHY is she trying to run away? I realise she has a "mental disorder" BUT if she is actively trying to escape the situation she is in, perhaps she is more aware than people realise.

Personally, my response to stressful stuff is and always has been, to physically escape the scene, maybe hers is too, she may be reverting to childhood patterns, so maybe if you can gently talk to her and find out what is frightening her/pi**ing her off, you might be able to sort that so that she feels secure again.

If you start doing locks and chains stuff, she may well panic, i certainly would.

and to all of you involved.

zdt

Hi Terri,

It's just a case of the dementia making her very very paranoid. My Dad is an absolute saint, so gentle with her, so caring. I know cause I live here with them. Problem is she has reached the point where she sometimes doesn't recognize him anymore, despite the fact that they have been happily married for 50 years. Reasoning with her really doesn't work anymore, though I do my best to calm her down when she has these spells. Other times she is more lucid, so it is heartbreaking. When she is feeling more lucid she can't stand for Dad to be away, even to go to the grocery.

I do hate the idea of keyed locks, but I am terrified she will wander off when Dad and I are asleep and get hit by a car or god knows what.

It may be time to think seriously about a nursing home, cause I am not sure Dad and the rest of us are up to this.

Oh, I probably should have clarified that she thinks Dad is trying to kill her. Of all the terrible delusions she could have, why did it have to be that one?

It takes a lot of courage to consider the nursing-home option, as well as an acceptance of an unpleasant reality. Once upon a time, we had to face the fact that Dad needed more care than any of us could give him. It was a tough decision, but the right one. Even my sister can see that now, whereas at the time she was inclined to be rather savage towards those of us who were being more realistic ( basically, that means me).

There's no need to rush to a final decision, of course - simply recognising the nursing home option as a valid option is a big enough step to cope with.

Thanks Ivan.

What a lousy time for a simulpost.

If that's how your mother sees the world at present, then it probably is time to look into the residential-care option. It's best to start while there's still time to think; that way, you avoid having to take the first place that becomes available... It is a grim, confronting sort of a situation, but if you all take your time about it while there is still time to take, it can be easier to resolve in the long run.

The fact that I have a lot of brothers and sisters makes it easier, we can support one another and share the load so to speak.

That does help, a lot.

My Gramps started doing that, normally he could barely walk or speak but at night sometimes he would become very strong and run down the road yelling, wearing very little.

I have spoken to many people in my time and one thing I believe is that there are moments of full lucidity when we realise how ill we are and terror can sometimes be the only way to respond.

Sorry that doesn't help much, but locking the door and hiding the keys will help and if she tries to get out and becomes panicked or super-strong then maybe ring for help.

I wish you luck and love with dealing with this, compassion and patience as well.

I understand what you must be going through,and there is no simple solution.Mum used to wander during the night,and we spent time flying up there in the car,when the neighbours rung to say the house alarm was going off.
It is such a difficult decision to have to make,and eventually we were forced into it when mum got a physical illness and was admitted to hospital.
If it is any consulation ,and we had NO choice,when mum went into the care home she loved it,she seemed as though she felt safe and secure for the first time in a while.She did have lucid times too,but as they got less the staff were like an extended family,even when she wasnt sure who we were ,she knew that they looked after her.
Whatever you decide ,i hope things improve,and i know you might think that they won't,but they do.
Mum was in the home for six years,and died afte suffering a series of falls,she was still smiling up to then!!.

Hi Smurfles that reminds me, when one of my Grans went into a care home, she got so much better. She went from being someone who would sit on the same seat all day, not even moving for going to the loo and chewing the same ham sandwich all day, to someone who lead the sing alongs!

She didn't care about her family anymore, which was hard for them, but they did get to see that her last 3/4 years were great fun for her. Singing, laughing, dancing even. She seemed to withdraw from the outside world and concentrate on where she was. We were all very surprised to see her improvement!