h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Bugger. I'm sure I sent you something, but I obviously can't remember what it was...

*Makes little tutting noise*

That Jade girl, always putting down her addresses and losing them, expects me to remember what I've written, simply unbearable...

OK, I'm finished my old maid impression now. And yes, I am a . Just look at my reponse time! Six minutes after you posted. And the weather's lovely today. I should be outside.

Six minutes???


...are you stalking me...? ()

It puts the lotion in the basket...

Lotion? Basket?

Is this some kind of crazy Irish slang, or should I be scared?

It's leprechaun speak, lady. Don't expect you colonists to understand it Clue: rent Silence of the Lambs. It's a quote from that fine tailor Buffallo Bill.

Erm.

Silence of the Lambs? Yeah, I was supposed to watch that in a class once, but I got

1) bored

and

2) severely grossed out,

so I started conquering galaxies. No, really I listened to happy Japanese pop music and drew pictures of Thrasymachus until the hour was over. But anyway.


You're a sick man, Legion. Oh, and I have a boyfriend now, so stop staring at my ankles or he's gonna kick your . ...or something.

...and now, a musical interlude....

with karate I kick your
into Tienneman square
Aw yeh mutherer
I'm gonna kick your in' derierre
You broke the rules
Now I'll pull out all your (are we allowed to say "pubic?") hair...
You muthaer....

*bows* thank you, thank you....

*Applauds, throws , shouts 'Bravo!'*

Does that one have a tune to it, like the Star Wars one you sang during the quest? Pinniped has been hanging around again - you remember the sealion Nemthith with the lisp? I killed his albatross, and now he haunts me... You should come by the Boardroom of Evil sometime. It has the kind of random violence I seem to remember you liking

Who's looking at your ankles? Honestly, your boyfriend can relax. Please don't let him kick my . I need it for thinking with. There are several reasons for him to never fear, my living about three thousand miles away being only the smallest

Soooo. Have you tried Brunel yet? I don't like it. It has nifty features, but it's uuugly.

I feel obliged to sing a little song now before I leave, so here goes:

There was a little Spanish Flea.
A music star he wished to be.
He thought of bands like the Beatles and others he'd seen on TV...
Why not a little Spanish Flea?

*Bows deeply, hopes not to be Moderated because last week he posted the Canyonero song from the Simpsons and it was hidden for being someone else's 'intellectual property'...*

Interestingly, Spanish Flea is also a horrible poison that the Marquis de Sade used to kill people. "You're a sick man, Legion". You may be right. I know way too many morbid facts. But it's been a long day of stacking crates, and my mind is inclined to wander.

Yes Legionsy, you're a sick sick man.

And you are 3,000 miles away, and I told him that, I was just messing with him, you see, ebcuase I was answering my forums whist he was over here the other day, and he's quite fun to mess with in the "Hey, so yeah, there's this guy over in Ireland, ya?" sort of way.

Where is this Council of Evil? Do you have a link on your site? I guess I'll just go ckeck.

-JJ

Yeah, you just keep him guessing. What's the expression - treat him mean, keep him keen. Not that I'm suggesting you'd be capable of meanness You should get him onto h2g2 sometime - then I'd be very respectful and too scared to even glance at your ankles

I see you've changed your name. I can still call you JJ, right? And by the way, Thras and I have never been formally introduced. Does he bite?

*Extends hand gingerly to Thras*

Hey there little fella...are you going to bite my finger off?

Thras: *unfolds himself from JJ's shoulder* I might. *he winks in a dragonlike way*

Jade: Don't mind him, it's early and he hasn't had his hazlenut latte as yet. I'll go get him one in an hour or so.

Thras: *grin* Glee!

Jade: And yes, you can call me JJ, I like that nickname.

Hazelnut latte? Dragons are really ...

I thought of getting an animal companion, but my first experience of it was bad. You remember Noonan the snake? All he did was sleep, swallow things and try to kill me. He's still lurking somewhere in the dark corners of my personal space ...

How go things in JJville? You're online a lot more these days, has work finished?

I'm working in a warehouse sale this week, eight hours on my feet hauling crates and being poked by elderly women. Do it for the money, Legion.

Yesterday was National Slackers Day in Ireland. Isn't that the best holiday you've ever heard of?

National Slackers Day? I want one...

But anyway tho, yeah work is very near to done. I've started college up again, so that means I'll be about near to every morning bugging you. (iIsn't that just a thrilling thought? OOo don't look at me like that, you're thrilled, you know it.)

And about Thras. He isn't a companion, per se, he's a daemon. Which means he's connected to me by way of my soul, and is ergo a part of me. He's my spirt animal, if you will. So there we are then.

He's part of your soul? So if he bites my finger off or something, I can blame you? Jeez...if I had that kind of deal with Noonan I'd be in deep . He relates to people in a unique and terrifying way.

The prospect of a little JJ fix every morning is deeply, deeply thrilling But when school starts again here in rainswept Hibernia, I won't be able to go online nearly as much I'm going into an exam year - possibly the equivalent of the American SATs, I'm not sure. So, less h2g2. I'm not sure my education is worth that. Meh.

I've been thinking about what I want to do after school - I know I want to go to college, and have a pretty good idea of where. But what to study? I only have very vague ideas. It all seemed very far away and vague just last year...to tell the truth, I'm terrified. Achieved good results in my Junior Cert, so everyone's expectations are high, which of course makes things worse.

What are you studying? What's the Jedi Jade Plan For Life?

JJ is studying English.

JJ wants to be a writer. She has already written one novel and is playing about with an idea for the next one. JJ is in her second year of college and thinks that if nothing else Legionsy should do an exchange to Colorado because JJ believes that Legionsy would be a kick to get all jazzed on coffee with.

But enough of the third person, ya?

Exam years suck. I did my SAT and bombed it... Well, the bits with math, anyway. See, JJ sucks at math, but she's a bloody genious with the writing and reading bits, ye ken?

Anyway tho babes, I gotta go and answer all my Thingite forums.

Ja, ne?

-JJ

"Ja, ne?"

Legionsy doesn't understand. Some form of elvish? But he gets a kick out of the nickname.

English is high on my list of choices, along with History, Philosophy, Archaeology and anything else that involves reading lots and never ever doing sums again ever. Isn't Colorado where South Park is? Gotta come by some day. Tell you what, if you ever see a wasted-looking guy staring across the coffee-house at your ankles, just walk over and introduce yourself

Exam year starts in four days and fourteen hours Thank you for the encouraging words, re: sucking.

On the plus side, I did just get a present of a Bolivian blowpipe. I'm practising hard, and should soon be able to fire darts more than three feet!

bcnu

Mr Legion - Gnawing On His Own Foot In Desperation

Yes, Colorado is indeed where South Park is.

The guys who invented South Park lived there. They were psych majors (hence the bits in the show about Kyle's so-called "Fecaphelia" [i always wanna punch them in the when they say that-- It's Copraphelia (sp?) not Fecaphelia. They should know that god it! They're ing psych majors! Gaaaah! But anyway.].).

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who sucks horribly at math-type things! And you're a junkie as well? We'd get along swimmingly, ya?

"ja, ne" litterally means "Well, yeah," but the meaning is something like "See ya." It's a Japanese thing, you probably wouldn't understand.

Me, not understand Japanese? The insolence! Well, you have a point.

Wanna hear some Irish? It's compulsory in schools here, and can be quite useful in forn parts, where a lot of people don't even realise there *is* an Irish language. I'll do a little bit phonetically, and hope there isn't some over-eager Mod out there:

"On will cyad agum dull guh dee on le-hrus, mawsh ey duh hull ey?"

Any Irish person will recognise this phrase, as it means 'May I go to the toilet please?' and is drilled into us at an early age. BTW, I'm collecting insults in different languages. You wouldn't happen to know any Japanese ones?

Sixteen and a half hours before start of school I'll need all my reserves of and to get me through. Also won't be able to go online as much. Apologies.

OLOLAQIC
I82QB4IP

(replacing the far more mundane bcnu, and not actually meaning anything but sounding good)

Mr Legion

You have to say all that just to ask to go to the restroom?


WHAT?

That's madness.

And I am quite sad that you won't be on as much. I shall miss my Legionsy. ( and such, ye ken?)

I loves ya, Legionsy, but I have to go. lots of things to go on about in my livejournal. Namarie (That /is/ elvish, it means goodbye.)

-JJ

"Also won't be able to go online as much."

I'm just having a little chuckle on this side of the Atlantic at the irony that I'm posting back to you 17 minutes after your posting. School has failed to change me, it seems.

Namarie

Yeh,

You gheek. (And not just a geek, no, you're a full-on gheek. With an "H" and everything. Don't you feel like a special Legionsy now?)