h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The Mahatma seemed to have exhausted himself by speaking to us, so we bid him adieu and followed Spot to Marduk's Ministry of Education. Here Albert Aristotle Freudstein kept Mardukians on their toes with mental exercises and exhortations to become lifelong learners.

"Are you here for the entrance exams?" Freudstein asked us.

Spot whispered something in his ear. "Sorry, I mistook you for a group of students who wanted to qualify for Mensa University, Marduk's premier institution of higher learning," Freudstein said.

I had read about the risk of insanity for people at the highest intelligence levels, so I foolishly asked whether applicants were given psychological tests along with their other exams. Hearing this, Freudstein launched into an extended explanation of Mensa U.'s policies.

"Er, we really aren't interested in that," Sibyl broke in. "We'd probably be among those who ranked a bit lower...."

"Oh, of course," Freudstein said, blushing. "You're from earth. We send our least intelligent citizens there whenever it's feasible."

This struck some of us as an insult, whereupon he tried to placate us. " Mardukians whose IQ is only 150 generally get sent to Earth to work in technology or advertising or politics," he explained.

We still weren't thrilled about where this was going. Fortunately, Faun was able to change the subject.

"Professor Freudstein, I'd like to hear your views on the squirrel threat," she said. "Why did they become so dangerous after they learned to use computers? It wasn't as if their intelligence went up, was it?"

For those who would like to read all the NUtshells to date, I have created a guide entry where they are kept, in order.

Here's the link:

A87880981

Aha. Finally.

I posted it early for your benefit, Dmitri.

Thanks!

paulh

The story gets harder to write the farther I get into it. I'm grateful to Pierce for comparing Donald Trump's hair to a Mardukian squirrel. Will we have squirrels at the White House?

Yo're welcome, paulh

I wonder if it would be easier if you started with writing a spectacular and extremely surprising last episode and worked your way back from there?

You seem to have an inflated opinion of my talent.

Not that I'm complaining.

But ending up at the White House, with a squirrel on Trump's head and everyone united in peace and good will would certainly be spectacular. Also a fairy tale that no one would believe.

It doesn't have to be *that* surprising and spectacular

This won't be the Neiman Marcus of stories. More like the WalMart or Dollar Store.

A quote for the Post!

Oh, good!