h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Two weeks ago tomorrow, I lifted some rocks to help a friend
who was starting a rock garden. My foot was sore within 36
hours, so I took ibuprofen and gave it some rest. Gradually the
pain and redness went away. By this past Sunday the pain was
all gone, and I was off the ibuprofen completely.

Then Monday came, and all the pain was back. I saw the visiting
nurse today, and she thinks the symptoms line up with a diagnosis
of gout. She's put me on colchicine, two tablets a day for five days...

with that. Never heard of this drug before, just googled it

Gout's no fun.

Hope all gets better soon, paulh, but I confess the subject line disappointed me. I was expecting an Icelandic epic poem.

I was too lazy to do it in Icelandic this morning. I wimped out with Anglo Saxon:

Hwaet! We Fot-ganga forlange manna gefirn,
leac-weard langmod, leasingspell gefrunon,
hu se aecerceorl ace atholode.

Rough translation:

Lo! We heard tell the tale from long ago of the Walker,
A patient gardener,
How this farmer suffered pain.

Fascinating! I could almost follow some of that.

It's your heritage.

I was disappointed you didn't get ibuprofen in there. Sounds pretty authentic to me.

That would be the part about the doctor - I'll have to work on that.

Something like:

He aerest gescreof ibuprofen
Heahlaece ond wyrmmelu.

This would mean:

He, the highly-skilled physician, first prescribed ibuprofen and the dust of dried worms, powdered.

Sounds like it might work.

"Never heard of this drug before, just googled it" [Pierce]

It's probably synthesized from chemicals rather than picked from fields of French crocuses like saffron is. I actually think it's starting to help, though it's not easy on my stomach.

"I was expecting an Icelandic epic poem." [Icy North]

Um, ice is not the answer, whether from the North or the land-of-ice or wherever. I was told to use a warm compress for relief....

But you're right, the subject line lends itself to a story line about weary, footsore travelers like the Circling Poets of Douglas Adams's oeuvre. [See how I snuck in a fancy French word there ]

What? No dust of powdered worms?

'Dry fair large earthworms before the fire, or in an oven, which when thorough dry, beat into powder,' Salmon's English Physician, quoted by Cockayne.

According to Bosworth-Toller.

"I was too lazy to do it in Icelandic this morning. I wimped out with Anglo Saxon" [Dmitri]

How would you translate:

"I got an email this morning in which my uric acid levels were well within a normal range. The sedimentation rate is above normal, probably because of the inflammation."

Obviously, if my uric acid was clustered around my big toe, it would not show up in my bloodstream .

Well, duh. Medics.

Here's the best I could do on short notice:

Aerdag ic onfaeng aerendgewrit thysum wordum: Mine micga waes god, theah mine drosna waes sare full. Aefreda it waes be ǽghwylcum uncúþum blǽdrum.

Powdered worms, I'm telling ya.

Sorry. Those last two words are 'aegwylcum blaedrum'.

You know, communicating in Anglo Saxon would be a good exercise for doctors...teach them to keep it simple.

"Um, ice is not the answer, whether from the North or the land-of-ice or wherever. I was told to use a warm compress for relief.... " [paulh]

1. Ice was always the answer for me

2. If you are able to apply a compress on a gout-sore big toe without fainting from the pain you don't have gout

Just my

My sister has given me the lowdown on gout, which she apparently has had in her thumb. I had no clue that could happen.

She said her doctor insisted that the solution was ibuprofen, four times daily, for four days and no longer. She claims this worked for her. She has fibromyalgia.

Gout usually appears in the lowest placed joints of the body, most often in the big toe. But it can affect any joint. Even the hammer and the anvil in the inner ear. Pray that it does not happen! To anyone!

My own past experience, 1979, toes (all of them), red in the evening, blue in the morning, felt like minute splinters of broken glass embedded in the joints, stinging worst when I had to walk on them, discoloration probably due to significant bleeding inflicted by minute crystals of uric acid embedded in the joints, pains in the toes at their worst the day before a rain storm, pains in the fingers, the day before a freeze.

It was then that I went on a completely meatless diet for six months, though I did allow myself milk and cheese, a serving per day, if I wanted it.

After six months, I discovered I'd developed an opposite problem.

If I got the tinyest scratch, say from a grass seed embedded in a sock, it wouldn't heal, just kept getting bigger, day by day.

At that time I resumed eating meat, but more judiciously than before, red meat only if I had injuries of some kind to heal, however minor, fish or poultry before an event in which I might sustain minor injuries.

I didn't have trouble with the gout again until I passed a kidney stone July of 2006, losing almost a pint of blood in the process, needing emergency hospitalization for shock, problems with the gout persisting till spring of 2007.

As of my most recent kidney exam, this past year, the scar from the kidney stone at about 9mm is still visible in MRI and sonogram.

Aspirin can aggravate gout for two reasons, first it inhibits clotting of blood, second, it can combine with the uric acid creating a more durable and resistant crystalline mass.

Acetomenophen can produce similar effects, especially for people with type A or AB blood, and especially if combined with alcohol.

I used to use ibuprofen, but though it was helpful, dosages required steadily increased until the doctor switched me to tramadol, which for me has no side effects, which I can also stop without withdrawal problems; its less habit forming than ibuprofen.