h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Welcome to the Tarts Service for...whateverthehell date this is.
Always keep your speeches short AND simple.
Thank you for coming Tarts and lurkers alike...jusss leave the 'offerings' on the night stand by the door...as always refreshments are on me....*is doused by several drinks that vary in strenght...*I consider that alcohol abuse and it will not be tolorated!...*is doused by chasers...*That's more like it.

Last Service of November 2002...
Crap...I've broken a nail...That jusss won't do!
Help yourselves to the drinks...there's leftover turkey an' stuff in the fridge...

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY...I'LL SLEEP IF I WANT TO...SLEEP IF I WANT TO...YOU WOULD SLEEP TOO IF YOU WERE AS BLASTED AS ME...

Oh dear... spend some quality time with PC and look what happens... okay I stayed over there to weather out the ice storms with someone who lives close to school and is an excellent footsie warmer (among other things )

You get the 'Golden Rose Tart Award' for 2002.
Congrads!
...did ever tell you you're my hero...

gee if that makes me a hero you ought to see just how those footsies get warmed..

Well, I HAD to say SOMEthing!! Isn't right, me getting the award year after year. You're jusss one hellova' Tart.
We could branch out...have a chain of Born Again Tart Churches across the land......Ooooo...the advertisement...the tax write offs...

the free vacations on church money...

...*takes a drink from the Tart Award Glass...*
I have no problem turning my cabin into a Church. The community is already afraid, er, curious about me.
But now tis I, Grasshopper, who must decide...to sell my HUGE OLD Main St house...the Cabin...or both & go off to places unknown....hope my brain don't explode-a-late or sumthin'.

...*makes headbands of mistletoe for all the Tarts...*

hmmm... tough decision.. I'd keep the cabin and pitch the house..

That's the way I was leaning...but I really need at least two men to help take care of the cabin...and they keep bumping into eachother......what was the question??????
The Main St House is HUGE...and oak everything...and...I think I'll jus drink on it somemore.

It's a tough decision... but the cabin does have one distinct advantage... You're less likely to get arrested for running around outside nekkid..

Oh THAT ain't a problem for me!! The cops have already caught me skinny dipping in the Resevior nude and sleepwalking throughout the Village in just my slip.

'skinny dipping' IN the 'nude'......what redundancy.
I'm starting not to feel so good.~~~~~~~~~~~

Just a wee toast for The Holidaze: Piece on Earth, Good Will Toward Man......(not a typo)...or Woman...whatever gets ya' through the night!

Last Tart's Church Service for 2003!!!
To quote Bruce Wilis, "Yippie-Kiaye Mother f***er!"

Eat, drink and get hi*h, for tomorrow you may die.
...*pases out peacesigns, love beads and peasant skirts and blouses to all the Tarts and Lurkers alike...*
well, not 'actually' *alike, * they'er all different colors!
I think it's in my Tart Code Book or sumthin'...if you are 'ever' seen in the same outfit as another Tart...ya' gotta' take her out. I don't mean on a date...I'm talking serious bodily harm or sumthin'.Unless you're a Rockette or a Hooter's Gal or sumthin'.
May the best day of 2002 be the same as your worst day in 2003! (Wrinkled Rocker said that to me in a thread yesterday...he's one worth lookin' up...awsome chap!)
Now go on out there and get whatever it is you want!

IT'S FREEEEEEEZING!!! Nude snowball fight in the parking lot!

That's our Batty!! Always first in line!
Wait for me!~~~~~~~

THE DAY OF THE 'TART' IS NEARLY UPON US!!
FROM FEB. 10 - FEB 14 A 'FORMAL' VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE WILL BE HELD AT THE CROSSED PURPOSES PUB!! HOPE TO SEE YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS THERE!

(you'll find the Pub on my Home Page...when I'm awake &sometimes even when I'm asleep you can find me there)