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The Great Debate
Posted Apr 22, 2001
Dime Bars, Armadillos
Dime Bars, Armadillos
DIME BARS, ARMADILLOS
DIME BARS, ARMADILLOS
DIME BARS, ARMADILLOS
Please, may everyone make there votes below.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Apr 22, 2001
Irony, for God's sake learn the meaning of the word before you write a song about it
Posted Apr 11, 2001
I mean no offence to anyone who particular likes this particular moaning songstress, but I hope that Alanis Morrissette burns in hell.
Not because all she ever sings about is moaning about one thing or another..not because she has about as much talent as a dead camel when it comes to singing/songwriting..but I have a much more prominent issue with the b***h.
You see, being a Brit (alledgedly Americans have no idea what the concept means, and I don't feel like explaining it) I hold dear the meaning of the word Ironic, and the use of irony is common to my day to day life, really. Now, the song 'Ironic' by said Canadian Queen of whinge, is supposed to be about things that happen that are ironic.
What a f**king misnomer.
The woman rants about things like 'a black fly in your chardonnay' and 'rain on your wedding day', and claims 'isn't it Ironic..don't you think'. And although she asks us this question..she never seems to heed my cry of 'NO, IT'S NOT IRONIC, IT'S JUST PRETTY DAMN ANNOYING'. I'm aware that annoying wouldn't perhaps be as good a song title (though it would much more accurately describe both the song and the alledgedly ironic situations Alanis is moaning about.
One that really p**ses me off is the line that says something about 'a traffic jam, when you're already late'. Now, this has happened to just about everybody, in my area normally at least three times a week, and not once has anyone ever said, 'oh my, isn't this ironic...don't you think?'. In fact it's just plain a bad start to the day, now if the situation was, say, a traffic jam when you're already late for a council meeting discussing ways of reducing traffic in the local area...that would be ironic..but just a traffic jam...god no.
Also, lines like 'ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife' I mean come on...that's not ironic, that's just a particularly stupid kitchen you're living in, can't you just wash up a bloody knife for god's sake, or maybe even improvise, use the spoon's edge in a cutting/spreading fashion..I'm sure it can be done..I'm willing to try it out.
For god's sake woman..will you either take lessons in the meaning of the term irony, or just throw yourself off a bloody cliff and stop inflicting your supposedly agonised life upon us..we don't care...
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Apr 11, 2001
Its late, and I really don't care what I write
Posted Apr 9, 2001
So, I was driving in my car last week, and suddenly I noticed, right there, pulling up behind me, was a chimpanzee, driving a Bright Lemon Yellow VW Beetle. Anyway, I recovered from the shock of seeing such a tasteless looking vehicle, and carried on driving. Now while I'm shaving I like to be given a spongebath by my two gorgeous women, and I was running late that morning so I was getting my shave in the car (and my sponge bath). Now, Cindy, Who I normally refer to simply as beautiful girl number one, was in a bit of a mood that morning, cause I had been sharing the hot loving (you know what I mean) unevenly between her and beautiful girl number three (beautiful girl number two claims to have the flew...I think the loving just got two hot for her). Anyway, she was being very unenthusiatic about her sponging...and I was in the middle of giving her a piece of my mind about it, when suddenly I hear a loud smash, and I turn around, and see much to my disgust, that beautiful girl number three had been robbed from her rightful place, to my right. As I look through the broken window in shock, I notice a piece of fur caught on the glass, and as I looked ahead, I saw the lemon yellow Beetle pulling away, and a chimpanzee waving a middle digit in my direction.
At this point I was livid, and I decided to make chase at high speed, and accelerated after the indsane chimpanzee. So anyway, I continued after him, tail gating him violently, when he suddenly pulled the car into a handbrake turn and slammed into the grass siding. The quick thinking and lightning fast reactions of my boyscout training quickly came back as I deftly slammed the brakes on and came to a halt ten metres or so further down the hard shoulder. No I could do this quite easily, but maintain control of the razor through this ordeal was more difficult and I found myself with a small cut on my right cheek.
This got me reall p**sed off.
So I squared up to the chimpanzee, who seemed to have left his beautiful hostage in front seat of his beetle, and suddenly, he started talking to me in norweigan. Now, I've seen a lot of things in my life, but a lecherous Norweigan Chimp, is strange in my books, quite frankly I was quite worried, how can you reason with a chimpanzee who speaks a different language to you (answers on a postcard please), who seems quite irate at something or other. Anyway, I decided that there was no peaceful way to deal with this particular Chimp, and punched him in the jaw. No, I'm a pacifist, and normally would never dream of hitting anyone, but you've got to remember, this Norweigan Chimp lover, had taken captive one of my beautiful girls, and I'm very protective of my beautiful girls, even the substitute beautiful girl who only comes in when someone's ill.
And I was there, on the hard shoulder of the M25, and I suddenly realised what I had done. I could hear Rolf Harris, running to the aid of the 'poor defenceless chimp'. Now, I know Rolf Harris, and I also know that if he was to implicate me in a court of law on the charge of assaulting a Norweigan chimp, I know the judge would take his word over mine, and also, I was fully aware of Rolf's legendary ability to seduce any woman he meets using only the power of the wobble board. I could see the threat, and quickly coaxed the terrified beautiful girl number three out of the car (which, incidentally had the most horrible interior, entirely made up of lime green fur) and getting her back to my own luxury autmobile (remember of course, that this whole ordeal was taking plac half way through my sponge bat, and it was very cold that day). I quickly ran back to my car, and resumed driving at speed away from the rhythmic, heavy breathing I could hear coming over the crest of the hill.
Anyway, the moral of he story is, I don't understand why we Norway issues driving licences to it's chimpanzees, and I don't see why we should be made to pay the price of this secret menace upon the roads of this great country.
Damnit
Discuss this Journal entry [2]
Latest reply: Apr 9, 2001
Easter Holiday...ra ra rah
Posted Apr 9, 2001
Yay.
I'm on holiday for two weeks, I was partying over the weekend, and now (monday morning, well Ok, afternoon..but I only woke up a few hours ago..so I feel like it's morning) appear to have a well developed sense of aching all over my body. Over the weekend I have overseen the birth, and breaking up, of a relationship between two of my friends...and found out that the female member of the partnership fancies another one of my friends (quite frankly she has terrible taste). Anyway, this is really nobody's business, so I don't know why I'm telling you this...but I guess I haven't named any names (not even mine I think...if anyone actually cares it's Alex), so that's alright.
Ahhh, to be free to do nothing for two weeks, its a great feeling. Although I do have quite a bit of school work to do I guess...which is annoying to say the least. Anyway, it looks like I might be going out to get drunk again tonight...though I'm not sure...It seems to be a good way to start the holiday, an extension of my normal weekend binge of drinking, depression and generally feeling s**t because I still haven't pulled for ages. Ah well...one day I'll be happy.
In a long time
And that's probably not going to be until I'm dead
and have been for twenty odd years.
Oh...people....Buy the Spiritualised album Ladies and Gentlemen we are floating in Space, and some pixies albums...they're great. I know that their all old bands that aren't releasing stuff much any more (especially not the pixies, they broke up early last decade (I think))
Anyway, I think I've chatted enough crap for now (can we still say crap...I've been careful to censor all other swearwords...but surely crap is acceptable...I'm sure I've seen it on BBC TV more than once before the watershed. And considering I've said f**k to my parents and they haven't minded, I think I should be allowed to say crap...crap should be considered acceptable)
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Apr 9, 2001
Coursework almost over....Praise the Lord
Posted Apr 4, 2001
Over the past couple of weeks I've spent all of my time on h2g2, in a blatant attempt to avoid the one important thing for me to do in my life right now...that is..my AS-Level coursework. I've had English, Media Studies and History Coursework to do. I handed in the English early (God knows how, it was supposed to be an early draft...not the final one) and it came back with large red letters on it saying don't touch, it was getting 18/19 out of twenty...as you can imagine this made me happy. Next up was the media coursework...I've done VERY little work on this over the past few weeks we've had to do it (I had to write a 750 word Brief, a three page newspaper section..and a 1000 word evaluation). I handed my Brief in late, and it was returned to me along with the words 'sickeningly perfect' from my teacher...who knows how little work I do). Anyway, I also managed to finish the product, (well after the deadline) currently I am procrastinating doing the actual Evaluation (due in tommorow) which I have yet to start. Hopefully this will be easy. But something makes me doubt that. Anyway, Monday and today, I also had History Coursework exams to do....and I had done very very small amounts of preparation for these. The first one went okay, but I think I seriously a**ed up todays one. Still...I'm not going to let it get me down.
In theory, after tommorow I will have done all of my coursework...and will be able to sit back relax and do some more h2g2 stuff (not that the coursework really stopped me). For obvious reasons (ie my distinct lack of work) I doubt there'll be a forthcoming article from me on the subject of how to meet deadlines and write good coursework (although somehow...despite my lack of effort..I seem to do well. I love being me..although I suspect I'm slowly building up enemies at school). I guess maybe its hard being a genius (last time I did an internet IQ tested I was rated at 160...which is apparently in the Genius category....although the time before that I got a muchmore realistic estimate...but lets ignore that. I prefer the one that lets me call myself a genius...I also got the highest score out of everyone I know on the Insanity test (I think it was like 87.633%..which was nice) and wonder how the scattergraphs for statistics like that would look).
Also, yesterday, I decided that I might be very interested in going to Sussex University to do Computer Science with Artificial Intelligence...or something of the sort. If anyone knows of any hikers doing these kind of degrees (or anything they suspect I might be interested in, which really is a very broad range...and I'm very indecisive) or who goes to Sussex, please drop me a line..It'd be nice to know what it's like, and whether I could chat with any fellow h2g2er's if I ever end up there
Discuss this Journal entry [3]
Latest reply: Apr 4, 2001
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Jed the Humanoid -Keeper of things lost down the back of the sofa-also the Chief Mad Drunken Warrior of the Anti Squirrel League
Researcher U169246
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