h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, I was driving in my car last week, and suddenly I noticed, right there, pulling up behind me, was a chimpanzee, driving a Bright Lemon Yellow VW Beetle. Anyway, I recovered from the shock of seeing such a tasteless looking vehicle, and carried on driving. Now while I'm shaving I like to be given a spongebath by my two gorgeous women, and I was running late that morning so I was getting my shave in the car (and my sponge bath). Now, Cindy, Who I normally refer to simply as beautiful girl number one, was in a bit of a mood that morning, cause I had been sharing the hot loving (you know what I mean) unevenly between her and beautiful girl number three (beautiful girl number two claims to have the flew...I think the loving just got two hot for her). Anyway, she was being very unenthusiatic about her sponging...and I was in the middle of giving her a piece of my mind about it, when suddenly I hear a loud smash, and I turn around, and see much to my disgust, that beautiful girl number three had been robbed from her rightful place, to my right. As I look through the broken window in shock, I notice a piece of fur caught on the glass, and as I looked ahead, I saw the lemon yellow Beetle pulling away, and a chimpanzee waving a middle digit in my direction.
At this point I was livid, and I decided to make chase at high speed, and accelerated after the indsane chimpanzee. So anyway, I continued after him, tail gating him violently, when he suddenly pulled the car into a handbrake turn and slammed into the grass siding. The quick thinking and lightning fast reactions of my boyscout training quickly came back as I deftly slammed the brakes on and came to a halt ten metres or so further down the hard shoulder. No I could do this quite easily, but maintain control of the razor through this ordeal was more difficult and I found myself with a small cut on my right cheek.
This got me reall p**sed off.
So I squared up to the chimpanzee, who seemed to have left his beautiful hostage in front seat of his beetle, and suddenly, he started talking to me in norweigan. Now, I've seen a lot of things in my life, but a lecherous Norweigan Chimp, is strange in my books, quite frankly I was quite worried, how can you reason with a chimpanzee who speaks a different language to you (answers on a postcard please), who seems quite irate at something or other. Anyway, I decided that there was no peaceful way to deal with this particular Chimp, and punched him in the jaw. No, I'm a pacifist, and normally would never dream of hitting anyone, but you've got to remember, this Norweigan Chimp lover, had taken captive one of my beautiful girls, and I'm very protective of my beautiful girls, even the substitute beautiful girl who only comes in when someone's ill.
And I was there, on the hard shoulder of the M25, and I suddenly realised what I had done. I could hear Rolf Harris, running to the aid of the 'poor defenceless chimp'. Now, I know Rolf Harris, and I also know that if he was to implicate me in a court of law on the charge of assaulting a Norweigan chimp, I know the judge would take his word over mine, and also, I was fully aware of Rolf's legendary ability to seduce any woman he meets using only the power of the wobble board. I could see the threat, and quickly coaxed the terrified beautiful girl number three out of the car (which, incidentally had the most horrible interior, entirely made up of lime green fur) and getting her back to my own luxury autmobile (remember of course, that this whole ordeal was taking plac half way through my sponge bat, and it was very cold that day). I quickly ran back to my car, and resumed driving at speed away from the rhythmic, heavy breathing I could hear coming over the crest of the hill.
Anyway, the moral of he story is, I don't understand why we Norway issues driving licences to it's chimpanzees, and I don't see why we should be made to pay the price of this secret menace upon the roads of this great country.
Damnit

I really hate when that happens.