h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Police car pulls up outside thread.Officer Donteventhinkaboutit peers in. Eyes Red Dog suspiciously, taking particular note of the gun. "Whot's this 'ere, then. Thread-stalking is a serious offence, sir."
*Pulls out flashlight and taps it meaningfully on palm of hand.*"Do yer 'ave a permit for that?"

I did not know what monster I was creating Officer - don't you see it has to die - its time has passed. Trust me it'd be a kindness

*cocks bolt gun*

Don't move anyone or the thread gets it .... and I'm not bluffing !

*blinks*

*stays still, hand poised over drawing, strangely which now has a dog holding a gun*

*notes the cat is also a lot closer..*

Cop freezes! "Now, don't do anything foolish, there...Think of all the people who love the thread! Think of all the time you'll get for killing it off! Think of all the paperwork I'll 'ave to fill out!
Come on, mate, why don't we just go to a pub and we can talk about this over a pint..."

*brandishes bolt gun wildly*

Stay back ... all of you. You don't know what you're doing, it's gotta end here I tell ya - we can't go on like this.

I don't mind doing the time for this - with my record I'll be out in 3 months or less, maybe I'll even get off with community service if I pack the jury. I know some guys that can arrange that kind of thing.

Who could love a thread like this anyway - a simple throwaway remark that is now in 3 figures. It's a cancer in the heart of h2g2 - it's gotta be cut out and I'm the guy to do it !!!

*notes the cat is nearly next to the dog*

*sees a small, multicoloured head under the table behind RD*

"Yer medication is waining at the clinic, boy, don't do it! Just take the pretty pills, and you'll feel all better..."the cop steps in between the deranged dog and the endangered thread, covered by the Queens' endangered species act, part 42.A, subsection 6.

*sneaks up behind Red Dog and starts to whisper in his ear, hoping to distract him long enough to grab the gun, and put the safety back on it*

Do it! Let him have it!

*falls for it and looks over shoulder*

Cop sees the serg put the safety on and relaxes. He snatches at the gun, but the grab jostles the gun and flips the safety back off. Cop gets a belly full of bolt.
Cop:"Gasp! Ow! That Hurts!" as his life seeps out into the thread, he adds, "OOOO! You're gonna get it now!"
Cop:
I'm not cleaning that up.

*takes off dust sheet and covers over cop*

*wrestles with dust sheet trying to put it back over the thread*

*has a couple of her man servants put the dead cop into a body bag and drag it away, then she steals the sheet and burns it, not wanting to have to try to get blood stains out of it. There is now no sheet to drape over the very much alive thread that Red Dog seems to think is dead for some un-understanable reason.*

so you're gonna let it live are ya sister. Well I tell ya you'll regret it you'll all regret it

*THE THREAD THAT UOLD NOT DIE*

Film at eleven.

*Saturn Girl digs out her record collection, blows dust off a turn table, and quickly wires it into whatever sound system is avalible, even if there's already a turn table there. She puts on one of her records, turns on the turn table, fiddles with the proper switches, and places the needle on the grooves, Mrs. Robinson by Simon and Garfunkle starts.*

Ah, music!

I'm glad you picked that one. My mom was singing the chorus to "Cecelia" one day, and I couldn't resist telling her about one of the verses
...I got up to wash my face...

Cecilia is a really cool song, but the little tramp needs to not switch boy toys just 'cause they go to clean up a little