h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Three _sorts_ of lentil, muppet.

B

Ah right three *types* of lentils. So that would be boring, dull and not very interesting then

Hence the reason why you add lots of interesting flavours such as coriander, chilli, garlic and chorizo...

B

No sorry, I could never get the hang of lentils. It's a texture thing, to me it feels almost like eating lumpy glue. And there is only so far that a bunch of chorizo could go to solving a problem like that.

I just had a horrific revelation.

Leeds are going out of business....

I'm moving to Sheffield in the autumn....

I have a pathological need to see live football....

Yes the plc will go out of business, and yes probably Elland Road will be turned into an Asda car park. For that I am sorry for you

However market forces will not allow a city the size of Leeds to go long without a football team. It maybe one that moves into the area like Wimbledon did, or it might be one that rises from the ashes of what's been before like, well, the other Wimbledon.

I'm so glad you mentioned that. It means I don't have to go and watch one of the Sheffield teams....

One of my dad's mates had a run in with PR Pete and has been watching Wednesday for the past 6 years. Poor bugger. That's not the future I wanted!

No but it might require watching football in the Unibond League for a year or two. But hey, *anything* is better than Hillsborough

If there's a Leeds United, I'll watch em. But having no other ties to the city of Leeds, I wouldn't know about watching a Leeds Town or a new Leeds City....

Right. You don't have room for a dishwasher, and you can't afford to get a house big enough to put a dishwasher in...

I go back to my original suggestion of dumping them in the bath and jumping in afterwards

Haumph Next you'll suggest sticking them in the tumble-drier instead of using a tea-towel.

Well, it's common knowledge that air drying is more hygenic than using a stain and germ-ridden tea towel

I'll get me coat

... which is probably on the drying rack that is behind my bathtub, which in turn is just to the right of my tumble-drier.

I told you I had b*gger all space left in my kitchen for white-goods appliances

If you've got a house then I presume you've got a garden... right? If you've got a garden you don't need a tumble drier - use the washing line. Get rid of the tumble drier and fit a dishwasher in there.

Gordon Bennett, do I have to do *everything* for you?

I have a back yard across which I could string a washing line that would be 10 foot in length maximum. Even to do that would require sinking a pole into the concrete as I couldn't attach it directly to the end of my 'garden' wall as that is only 2½ feet high.

...and who the hell has a dishwasher in their bathroom in the first place

Ten foot in length you say? That sounds big enough for one of those circular clothes driers Concrete you say? Hire an electric hameer drills for a day and sink the base into some fresh wet concrete

Sorted geezer

Dishwasher in the bathroom you say? I've known people who have lived with a shower cubicle in their kitchen

Do I really want my whole effing back yard taken up and dominated by some a circular washing line and wheelie thing? I think not you know

So, what exactly do you do with your ten foot square concrete postage stamp?