Journal Entries
Hate Mail
Posted Nov 26, 2004
26November2004
Most people spend Thanksgiving paying homage to that which they are grateful for. Purely by coincidence, I have spent it sending out messages related to things I am ungrateful for. I have spent Thanksgiving getting caught up visiting with friends, reading books and comics, eating lots of turkey, and finally earlier today the opportunity to catch up on my "hate mail" presented itself. Evidently, I've let me rage against SEARS simmer for too long, and don't have it in me to send them their letter--they got bought by K-Mart anyway, so I feel somehow vindicated. Anyway, here are the other pieces of mail that went out today.
=====================================================================
Subject: Thanks for Ruining the DCI World Finals
“Dear WMFE”,
The subject line says it all, doesn’t it?
This is the first year I’ve missed attending the DCI Quarter Finals since 1992. Since I couldn’t attend, back in August I started watching for when “Summer Music Games” would air this year so I could watch. In particular, I wanted to see The Cadets performance of “Songs from the Wood”, part of their “Living with the Past” performance.
Well, thanks to you I missed it. I called to complain and got “Out of Office” voicemail, stating that “the important thing was not the quality of the show I watched, but rather the imprint that what I watched has left on me.”
From the show I watched just now, the quality is obviously the LAST concern of the crew for this show. “The imprint” I am left with is your group is a bunch of half-wits who don’t genuinely care about broadcasting Drum Corp International. You would rather do a hackneyed, ham-fisted job where no performance was left to run the way it was intended.
Here’s what I don’t understand: Your show aired for a minimum of 90 minutes, and you stated that you would be showing the TOP SIX Corps, plus highlights from the others. The maximum length of a show is twelve minutes, which means you COULD HAVE aired ALL of the top six performances and had 18 minutes left over for all the other crap you preferred to show.
YES, we know it’s hard work. YES we know they live on buses for months at a time. “But that 11 minutes makes it all worth it.” NO ONE WATCHING YOUR SHOW HAS ANY IDEA IF IT’S ALL WORTH IT BECAUSE YOU EDITED EVERY SINGLE PERFORMANCE.
These kids are the top precision marching and performing bands IN THE WORLD and you STILL couldn’t allow it to air without messing it up.
PBS has gone to great lengths to point out they only bought the show, and aren’t responsible for the content—a wise move in my opinion.
Hopefully, this is just one of MANY messages you receive from people who are agitated that you screwed up what could have been an excellent show.
I will NEVER watch this, or any other show produced by WMFE in my lifetime if I can help it. I strongly suspect WMFE stands for “We Must Frickin’ Edit EVERYTHING”
Dumbasses. God, I hope you realize what a disservice you have done to music in general and Drum Corp International specifically. Burn in hell.
Sincerely,
Nullmuse
=====================================================================
Subject: REMOVE
Dear "Sam Ash",
Friday, October 22nd, 2004 I walked in to your store at 8:10pm and perused the available stands that might work with my drum set. I found the item for $109 plus tax (exactly the same price I've found elsewhere, despite the "30% off sale: originally $160" tag on the item.) After being unable to find an available clerk, I checked out cymbals and other drum hardware.
There was a clerk in the percussion area who assured me he would be "right with me". At least three times during my wait, I listened to customers with a larger order "haggle" with the clerk, who assured them that "since they had talked to the Big Guy, The Manager" the stated price was absolutely as low as he could go.
I ended up waiting approximately 45 minutes for help and did not get any. Eventually I left the percussion section and asked staff at your front counter if someone could help me. When I was asked "help with what", I expressly stated the part numbers and prices of the items I wished to purchase, and that I had been waiting patiently for at least 30 minutes. I presumed that they might be able to process my order. I now realize that I had done their entire job with the exception of ringing up the sale and retrieving the items from your storeroom.
Your staff picked up a phone, and summoned another staff member to help.
During this period, my wife realized I was frustrated and asked me to calm down and admire a display of saxophones nearby, to which I replied, "I'm upset because I want to spend $200, I know exactly what I want, and can't get helped." Again, I had patiently tried for 45 minutes to purchase items without arguing the price, with a clear idea of what I wanted before I ever walked in the store, and on at least two occasions clearly stating your own product numbers and prices for those items.
It appears I am not the consumer Sam Ash Music caters to. I should have found a clerk and said, "This stand says its $109....is that the best you can do??? Maybe you could get a manager to see if you can go lower so I can be bothered to purchase it." Maybe I should have offered an exchange of goods or services instead of expressing my desire to pay in cash outright for the items. By clearly stating the items I wanted and refusing to barter on price, it seems that I indicated to your staff that I'm "not much of a challenge", and therefore not worth the time and trouble they are being paid for to assist.
Eventually, I finally decided that it was not worth my time to convince you to sell percussion equipment to me; it is painfully obvious that my business is not worth your time. Perhaps some staff training in customer assistance might be in order?
Upon my return home I ordered $262.93 of items from Musician's Friend. By now, the amount of time involved in writing this letter to state my dissatisfaction with your store far outweighs the total time it would have taken to fill my order by a helpful salesperson. (Judging by the help I received at Musician’s Friend, a grand total of eight (8) minutes.)
During our lengthy wait, my wife stated that she liked the nearby Guitar Center much better than Sam Ash. We stopped there first, but they did not have the items in stock that I wanted. Other than your store’s abysmal service, when I asked her why, her exact words were that "The people in Guitar Center were cool. Both the customers and the staff seemed more knowledgeable, more respectful of the products, and genuinely interested in music in varying degrees. It was well-lit, clean, and the items were well cared for." And when I asked about Sam Ash, she compared it to a “dingy musical Wal-Mart.” There were very few customers in your store and most of them looked like they didn’t know what they were doing. They were showing little respect for the products with no intervention from any Sam Ash staff members. Your store has a uninviting atmosphere, your products were dirty and uncared for, and there were several unattended children running around.
I have absolutely NO interest in doing business with your store. At some point in the future, I might sustain contusions to the head and become comatose, at which time I pray I won’t be tricked into spending money in your store, but on a lighter note I might then consider submitting my resume to become a staff member.
Sincerely,
Nullmuse
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 26, 2004
Sleepless Nights and unnamed girlfriends
Posted Nov 26, 2004
25Nov2004
Spent a wonderful Turkey day eating, re-arranging the drum kit (and annoying the neighbors with them), and generally just lying around reading and watching movies, tho' I did step out to the Wal-Mart to finish up some Christmas shopping, followed by the best part of any Thanksgiving, the leftover turkey sandwiches!!
The drums are great, and finally starting to come together where I can play them a bit and be satisfied, whereas for several months now I would sit down, bang a drum or two, move a few things, bang again and quickly get so fed up I'd walk away. About every two weeks I'd sit down after work with the tools and try to tune and reposition so I could do a run down them. Now, at the wife's urging I've pulled them out of the corner and they're basically in the center of the room downstairs. (I know, she insisted! I was very surprised, but she doesn't want me having to move things to get in and out from behind the kit. More furniture shuffling will have to be done in the near future, but not today!) The toms are now still slightly out of tune, but close and finally decently muffled, but more importantly they're (almost) positioned well. I thought I had them close a few days ago and in the middle of some song I crossed the left hand over the right to whack a tom and instead whacked the shit out of my right forearm.
Recently I've had a great deal of trouble sleeping, because for some odd reason I've had an ex-girlfriend on my mind. It's been 13 years since we dated and now for some reason I'm not only thinking about her, but I'm unable to sleep because of it. Not that I have bonafide psychic powers, but this type of thing usually means that I'll be getting a phone call or running into someone soon, not necessarily the person I'm expecting, either. And I hope not- last time I saw her was seven years ago her she was working a drive-thru in another state, and I've avoided going back there (the restaurant, not the state). At that time I was still so messed up from our relationship I still hated her and wanted her at the same time. Wanting to scream epithets and simultaneously wanting to tell someone you're meant to be together is a truly unique experience, and hopefully won't happen again. So I wisely said nothing and drove off, plain cheeseburgers in hand.
Anyway, Tuesday about 3am the wife came in and found me with a pencil and notebook trying to write it all out of my system, and she scared the shit out of me, too. I've had something like 2 and 1/2 hours sleep in three days. When she asked I did tell her the real reason I couldn't sleep. She seems okay with it, and genuinely concerned for me, but I'm not sure how she took all that. (I decided on pencil and paper so that I would limit myself to the really important thoughts; with the keyboard I can just cook along and have what Stephen King calls "literary elephantitis", so using a pencil forces me to slow way down and limit myself a great deal more than the PC does.)
I finally crashed out after watching "elf" last night, and woke about an hour later needing to pee. I got up, went to the bathroom, peed, and on my way back to bed walked headfirst into a wall between two doorways. Full tilt, hurt like hell and I caught myself just above my right eye. No large bruises there as of yet, gratefully, but I was still so tired I went directly back to sleep.
Looking forward to picking up a few comics at a 40% off sale tomorrow, and that's about it for now.
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 26, 2004
Relationship Advice
Posted Nov 22, 2004
22NOV2004
UNSOLICITED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:
I am not the best person to give relationship advice. That said, it seems like I frequently have to repeat the few small nuggets of wisdom I DO have on the subject. I have decided that I will post it here for posterity. It will save me the trouble of having to continually repeat myself, and it also means -- HA! you came to me! How can I be butting in if YOU came to MY webpage?? Don't say you weren't warned!!!
SO: for years, all my relationships ended badly. I spent most of my time in relationships tying myself in knots trying to make the other person happy, and ultimately they would either: a) break my heart and leave, b)cheat, break my heart, and leave, or c) steal everything I owned, cheat, break my heart, and leave.
(As an interesting variation, I once had to move out so she could move in with my roommate, but thankfully, she still stole everything I owned, cheated, and broke my heart, so I'm still "batting 1000".)
I spent alot of time dealing with these issues, along with anxiety and depression, in therapy with a series of counselors who all generally proved to be a bit more screwed up than I was/am myself. (Brother, can I get an 'Amen'??) So after the fifth therapist gave me horrible relationship advice, I stopped going to them. Some small span of time later, I had an epiphany listening to the song "The Dream Is Over" by Van Halen. (My wife is tired of hearing about it, which is another good reason to write it down here.) I decided that maybe the whole problem is that I spent all my time trying to make other people happy, when it turned out I wasn't even making MYSELF happy.
So I started doing things "just for me" that I had always wanted to do. I STOPPED asking girls what they wanted to do on dates. Heck, there's no telling how a date might go, but at least I started picking movies and shows -I- wanted to see, so that regardless of how bad the acutal date was, I might still enjoy the evening.
I'm not saying be self-absorbed, but what I AM saying is FORGET ABOUT MEETING SOMEONE! Just stop it. Start doing things you enjoy doing, and when you are having fun and doing things that interest you, you'll start meeting people with similar interests, and dare I say it, even have a thing or two in common with you. You can't make other people happy, so just concentrate on making yourself happy and everything else will fall in line.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:
That said, I fell in love shortly after and got married to the very next gal. It is my personal, unsolicited, and highly offensive opinion that boys and girls should ALL marry, right off the bat. Being married is like finally getting the Operator's Manual to an entirely different species. The longer I remain married, the more I am inclined to think that men and women are not meant to live together and consider this to be further evidence of the fact that God is a Wacky Prankster.
I wish I could think of some REALLY GOOD examples of what I mean. I will take notes as they occur to me and get back to you, but here are the signs I can point to right off the top of my head.
The End Tables
In our house, we finally have room for the couch and chairs, and they're positioned in a nice little semi-circle near the television. Nothing unusual there. However, flanking the seats are end tables, with lamps on them. Their whole reason for existence is to hold munchies, a lamp, and a book when sitting in the living room.
One evening, I'm sitting in the chair, and I reach over to set my drink in the coaster.
For starters, let's discuss the issue of the coaster. These tables are in my possession now because my mother loved them, and stored them in my dad's workshop until she was certain where they would go in "the new house". Dad likes to drink iced tea from a 32 oz. cup filled with ice, so he can chomp ice for hours on end. When working in his shop, he evidently placed his drink NOT on the workbench, but on these tables below the bench without a coaster. After finding the tables and discovering what dad had done to them, mom declared she didn't want them anymore, they were "all screwed up", and so I staked my claim. The beauty of this is these are wonderful tables with a totally screwed up finish, because dad didn't use a coaster. So I'm thinking if I wanted I could butt out cigarettes on the table top, it's not going to hurt it or make it look any worse. (The ability to butt cigarettes on items has an unhealthy appeal for me, despite the fact that I've quit smoking for over 7 years now. It is still one of my favorite features on my first car.)
Little did I realize that despite the enormous circular rings all over the tables, the wife now insists that I use a coaster on the grounds that we don't want them MORE screwed up. Did I miss something? Wasn't the point of getting them that I didn't HAVE to be good to them?!? Oh well, what do I know?!?
So the other day, I reach over to place my drink on the coaster, and as I pull my hand away it starts to tip over. I reached back and grabbed the drink before it could fall. Then I let go and watch it start to tip again. "Something," I said to myself, "is different here." Finally, I realized there is now a pretty little quilted frou-frou table cover on the table, effectively rendering both tables virtually unusable.
"MAAAAAARRRYY!!" I hollered, and when the wife arrived, asking what I was hollering about, I was like "Look at this." and demonstrated that the drink would no longer sit flat on the table because of her table cloth things. "What the eff is this?" I asked, pointing out that the wrought-iron LAMP will barely stay sitting upright on this cutesy, quilted piece of crap.
"Do you like them? Aren't they pretty?" she asked. "Yeah, pretty effing stupid," I replied, "isn't the whole point of having a table to set shit on it???"
"Yeah, but aren't they cute, and they're all matchy, too." she explained, making me aware that BOTH tables were covered with matching cloth-thingies.
Ultimately, after calmly discussing the issue like the rational adults we are, the conclusion was reached that the sensible thing to do would be to flip the cloth up when I wanted to use the table and then flip it back down when I was done.
Naturally, these days I spend a lot less time sitting on the chair or the couch, and spend a lot more time sitting on the floor, with my drink in a coaster on the carpet, which is slightly LESS comfortable than the chair, but slightly more functional than the table I originally got so I could set my drink on it without a coaster.
I should probably mention I love my wife. She's wonderful. She far better than I deserve, and nicer to me than I deserve, too. The fact is that if being married to her isn't going to work, I honestly don't believe that I could be married to ANYBODY, so I try very hard at my marriage. That said, I have to say that anytime I meet someone who's been married TWICE, I shake my head. Anytime I meet someone on their THIRD marriage, I have to stop and ask them questions.
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Latest reply: Nov 22, 2004
Microphones & Social Responsibility
Posted Nov 27, 2000
INTRODUCTION
What is a microphone? How does it work? Where does it come from, and how does it effect society today? The microphone is a device that has undergone drastic changes in a relatively short period of time, and is taken for granted by most people on a daily basis. They are now so common and reliable, they are frequently overlooked. It is the goal of entry answer these questions, and to examine the microphone’s impact on our lives, and on society.
BODY
A microphone is a transducer, a device capable of converting energy from one form to another. By transmitting a varying value down a transmission line, sounds can be reproduced. Today, microphones use many different techniques to achieve this, from changing values in voltage to changes in resistances, but the concept remains the same. By vibrating a diaphragm, with our voice, for example, some electrical value is altered, and by transmitting the changes of that value, we can transmit sound.
On the other end, using a voice coil, a braided wire wrapped around a magnet, we once again create a transducer that this time changes analogous voltages into magnetic force, a by-product of which is actual physical force. By using the “paper” or cone of a speaker to harness this force, we cause the compression and rarefaction of air molecules, the same mechanism used in the transmission of sound through the air. Both the diaphragm of a microphone and the voice coil of a speaker are controlled by the electrical laws that govern inductors.
The energy of sound waves move a diaphragm inside the microphone capsule. This is typically connected to a coil of wire positioned around a magnetic source. As the diaphragm moves the coil back and forth, it cuts through magnetic lines of force, thereby generating a current that is directly proportional to the sound that moves the diaphragm. The design of current microphones in use today range from vintage audio pieces such as ceramic, carbon, and dynamic microphones, to large diaphragm condenser microphones, ribbon, electret condenser, boundary layer, even piezoelectric, or crystal, microphones that have a diaphragm connected to a crystal. As the crystal is deformed, or shock excited, it produces a voltage. This just scratches the surface of today’s microphone technology. The science and technology is beyond the scope of this paper. It is mentioned to simply indicate the incredible range, or different “flavors”, of microphones in existence today, each of which is suited to it’s own particular task.
The origin of the microphone is somewhat shrouded in mystery, and is a convoluted path to trace, considering the fact that several independent inventors all had similar concepts at roughly the same time.
The concept of the microphone can be directly traced back to Charles Bourseul, who was first inspired to electrically transmit the human voice in an attempt to improve the telegraphy system of his time, pioneered by Samuel Morse. However, while his concept was fairly close to the microphone of later generations, attempts to convert the resultant changes in current back into soundwaves failed. Still, his thesis on the electrical transmission of sound was published in “L’Illustration de Paris” in 1854.
Although Philip Reis and Alexander Bell can be credited with the first pedestrian microphone, patented on February 14th of 1876, and later demonstrated at the World Exhibition in Philadelphia later that year, they would later acknowledge the work of Bourseul as a major contribution to their discovery.
Bell’s first microphone was funnel-shaped, and the diaphragm membrane was connected to a rotor. The rotor in turn was connected to a coil, which would induce a voltage. When Bell offered to sell his patent to the Western Telegraph Company in 1877 for $100,000, “…the response was ‘What shall we do with a toy like that?’….later the same company offered him $25,000,000 for his patent, but this time Bell was the one to refuse the offer.”
The methods of modulation used in microphones today are far from the original concept that Elisha Grey, founder of American Telephone and Telegraph Company, had when he developed the carbon microphone, later improved upon by David Edward Hughes in 1878. Originally, the carbon microphone had a diaphragm adjacent to granulated carbon. The speaker’s voice would strike the diaphragm, thereby moving the carbon granules, through which a current was being passed. Variations in the current corresponded to the sound pressure striking the diaphragm. This is archaic even by the standards of today’s carbon microphones, which appear around us everywhere.
The carbon microphone of today was once widely used in telephones, which connected the country, and eventually the world, with an easily accessible communications network. The customary condenser microphones have now generally replaced these. Also, used in radio broadcast for many years at the turn of the century, carbon microphones were commonly used in fast-food drive-thru’s. Because speakers and microphones act on the same principle, for many years the speaker you heard the order taker on acted as a microphone to relay your order back to the store. This process actually works, albeit not very well. If you’re interested, try plugging your headphones into a microphone jack, and record yourself talking into the speaker of the headphones, then play it back to hear how it sounds. It makes a rough, but effective recording. It’s no wonder that fast-food restaurants are notorious for misunderstandings in the drive-thru line, but even stranger is the fact that as technology has improved, and the presence of both a microphone and a speaker on each end have replaced this archaic system, the communication has not been noticeably improved.
An important footnote to the history of the microphone is that in 1877 Thomas Alva Edison made the first recording of sound, on his ingenious wax cylinder device, to record himself singing “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. This is more remarkable when we consider that the device itself required no electricity. It was powered solely by acoustical and mechanical energy. It’s microphone consists simply of a large horn for the compression and focusing of soundwaves, and contains a thin, pliable sheet of material at the bottom with a knife-shaped stylus inserted in the center. As sound travels down the horn, it moves the pin that carves the wax cylinder as it rotates in the machine. Ironically, musicians had to place themselves around the horn at different distances to achieve the clearest recording, unlike the microphone placement techniques used in recording today.
Today, microphones have hundreds of practical applications, from in-house communication systems in schools to the public address systems used by orators, musicians, and anyone wishing to be heard by large groups of people.
Microphones are finding even more unconventional uses in our society. In the Broadway run of the show “Bring in ‘Da Noise, Bring in ‘Da Funk”, amazingly unusual microphone techniques were used to deliver the unique flavor of tap the show’s designers and choreographers were looking for. After lengthy experimentation, they added Sennheiser Red Dot model microphones to each dancer’s shoes, secured by velcro to the laces, and secured to the dancer’s ankles by straps. These wireless microphones helped project the sound of the dancing, which was just as integral to the show as the traditional role the music takes, in part due to the percussive nature of tap dancing. Thanks to the velcro, quick changes of shoes required by the show could be accomplished quickly, and in one number onstage, without difficult rearrangement of the microphones. The lead dancer required Sennheiser Blue Dots, identical to the Red Dot model but with a –50 dB pad because of the force with which Savion Glover dances. Other microphone “extras” for the show included supplementary pressure zone microphones and C:ducer microphones mounted under a specially constructed “tap-friendly maple stage deck”, which would be secured to the stage in a manner that rendered the microphones inaccessible should they be needed for maintenance or other adjustment. In all, 58 stereo microphone inputs were used just for the dancer’s shoes, in addition to the normal assortment of vocal and foot mikes.
Theater and communication are not the only areas of our lives to be touched by this useful tool. Law enforcement is rife with use of the microphone, from the wire-tapping exploits of Linda Tripp to the shotgun mics used to film the wildly successful television show COPS. The phrase “he’s wearing a wire” is ingrained in our society, stemming from the occurrence of informants trying to capture shady individuals breaking the law by wearing small, concealed microphones. And as the size of these microphones become smaller and smaller, detection of them becomes more difficult as well. On a daily basis, new precedents regarding the use of microphones, and their results being used as evidence in legal trials, are being written not just across our country, but around the world.
CONCLUSION
The microphone has innumerable uses, from personal tape recorders for to microphones which allow us to discuss our opinions with others by telephone, by amateur radio, and now even via the internet. The positive possibilities of a microphone are unlimited, and as with any technology, it’s misuses are just numerous. The good or harm generated by this item falls to us, the end-user. I hope that it, as with all technologies, will be used for constructive, rather than destructive purposes.
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 27, 2000
Microphones
Posted Nov 27, 2000
INTRODUCTION
What is a microphone? How does it work? Where does it come from, and how does it effect society today? The microphone is a device that has undergone drastic changes in a relatively short period of time, and is taken for granted by most people on a daily basis. They are now so common and reliable, they are frequently overlooked. It is the goal of entry answer these questions, and to examine the microphone’s impact on our lives, and on society.
BODY
A microphone is a transducer, a device capable of converting energy from one form to another. By transmitting a varying value down a transmission line, sounds can be reproduced. Today, microphones use many different techniques to achieve this, from changing values in voltage to changes in resistances, but the concept remains the same. By vibrating a diaphragm, with our voice, for example, some electrical value is altered, and by transmitting the changes of that value, we can transmit sound.
On the other end, using a voice coil, a braided wire wrapped around a magnet, we once again create a transducer that this time changes analogous voltages into magnetic force, a by-product of which is actual physical force. By using the “paper” or cone of a speaker to harness this force, we cause the compression and rarefaction of air molecules, the same mechanism used in the transmission of sound through the air. Both the diaphragm of a microphone and the voice coil of a speaker are controlled by the electrical laws that govern inductors.
The energy of sound waves move a diaphragm inside the microphone capsule. This is typically connected to a coil of wire positioned around a magnetic source. As the diaphragm moves the coil back and forth, it cuts through magnetic lines of force, thereby generating a current that is directly proportional to the sound that moves the diaphragm. The design of current microphones in use today range from vintage audio pieces such as ceramic, carbon, and dynamic microphones, to large diaphragm condenser microphones, ribbon, electret condenser, boundary layer, even piezoelectric, or crystal, microphones that have a diaphragm connected to a crystal. As the crystal is deformed, or shock excited, it produces a voltage. This just scratches the surface of today’s microphone technology. The science and technology is beyond the scope of this paper. It is mentioned to simply indicate the incredible range, or different “flavors”, of microphones in existence today, each of which is suited to it’s own particular task.
The origin of the microphone is somewhat shrouded in mystery, and is a convoluted path to trace, considering the fact that several independent inventors all had similar concepts at roughly the same time.
The concept of the microphone can be directly traced back to Charles Bourseul, who was first inspired to electrically transmit the human voice in an attempt to improve the telegraphy system of his time, pioneered by Samuel Morse. However, while his concept was fairly close to the microphone of later generations, attempts to convert the resultant changes in current back into soundwaves failed. Still, his thesis on the electrical transmission of sound was published in “L’Illustration de Paris” in 1854.
Although Philip Reis and Alexander Bell can be credited with the first pedestrian microphone, patented on February 14th of 1876, and later demonstrated at the World Exhibition in Philadelphia later that year, they would later acknowledge the work of Bourseul as a major contribution to their discovery.
Bell’s first microphone was funnel-shaped, and the diaphragm membrane was connected to a rotor. The rotor in turn was connected to a coil, which would induce a voltage. When Bell offered to sell his patent to the Western Telegraph Company in 1877 for $100,000, “…the response was ‘What shall we do with a toy like that?’….later the same company offered him $25,000,000 for his patent, but this time Bell was the one to refuse the offer.”
The methods of modulation used in microphones today are far from the original concept that Elisha Grey, founder of American Telephone and Telegraph Company, had when he developed the carbon microphone, later improved upon by David Edward Hughes in 1878. Originally, the carbon microphone had a diaphragm adjacent to granulated carbon. The speaker’s voice would strike the diaphragm, thereby moving the carbon granules, through which a current was being passed. Variations in the current corresponded to the sound pressure striking the diaphragm. This is archaic even by the standards of today’s carbon microphones, which appear around us everywhere.
The carbon microphone of today was once widely used in telephones, which connected the country, and eventually the world, with an easily accessible communications network. The customary condenser microphones have now generally replaced these. Also, used in radio broadcast for many years at the turn of the century, carbon microphones were commonly used in fast-food drive-thru’s. Because speakers and microphones act on the same principle, for many years the speaker you heard the order taker on acted as a microphone to relay your order back to the store. This process actually works, albeit not very well. If you’re interested, try plugging your headphones into a microphone jack, and record yourself talking into the speaker of the headphones, then play it back to hear how it sounds. It makes a rough, but effective recording. It’s no wonder that fast-food restaurants are notorious for misunderstandings in the drive-thru line, but even stranger is the fact that as technology has improved, and the presence of both a microphone and a speaker on each end have replaced this archaic system, the communication has not been noticeably improved.
An important footnote to the history of the microphone is that in 1877 Thomas Alva Edison made the first recording of sound, on his ingenious wax cylinder device, to record himself singing “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. This is more remarkable when we consider that the device itself required no electricity. It was powered solely by acoustical and mechanical energy. It’s microphone consists simply of a large horn for the compression and focusing of soundwaves, and contains a thin, pliable sheet of material at the bottom with a knife-shaped stylus inserted in the center. As sound travels down the horn, it moves the pin that carves the wax cylinder as it rotates in the machine. Ironically, musicians had to place themselves around the horn at different distances to achieve the clearest recording, unlike the microphone placement techniques used in recording today.
Today, microphones have hundreds of practical applications, from in-house communication systems in schools to the public address systems used by orators, musicians, and anyone wishing to be heard by large groups of people.
Microphones are finding even more unconventional uses in our society. In the Broadway run of the show “Bring in ‘Da Noise, Bring in ‘Da Funk”, amazingly unusual microphone techniques were used to deliver the unique flavor of tap the show’s designers and choreographers were looking for. After lengthy experimentation, they added Sennheiser Red Dot model microphones to each dancer’s shoes, secured by velcro to the laces, and secured to the dancer’s ankles by straps. These wireless microphones helped project the sound of the dancing, which was just as integral to the show as the traditional role the music takes, in part due to the percussive nature of tap dancing. Thanks to the velcro, quick changes of shoes required by the show could be accomplished quickly, and in one number onstage, without difficult rearrangement of the microphones. The lead dancer required Sennheiser Blue Dots, identical to the Red Dot model but with a –50 dB pad because of the force with which Savion Glover dances. Other microphone “extras” for the show included supplementary pressure zone microphones and C:ducer microphones mounted under a specially constructed “tap-friendly maple stage deck”, which would be secured to the stage in a manner that rendered the microphones inaccessible should they be needed for maintenance or other adjustment. In all, 58 stereo microphone inputs were used just for the dancer’s shoes, in addition to the normal assortment of vocal and foot mikes.
Theater and communication are not the only areas of our lives to be touched by this useful tool. Law enforcement is rife with use of the microphone, from the wire-tapping exploits of Linda Tripp to the shotgun mics used to film the wildly successful television show COPS. The phrase “he’s wearing a wire” is ingrained in our society, stemming from the occurrence of informants trying to capture shady individuals breaking the law by wearing small, concealed microphones. And as the size of these microphones become smaller and smaller, detection of them becomes more difficult as well. On a daily basis, new precedents regarding the use of microphones, and their results being used as evidence in legal trials, are being written not just across our country, but around the world.
CONCLUSION
The microphone has innumerable uses, from personal tape recorders for to microphones which allow us to discuss our opinions with others by telephone, by amateur radio, and now even via the internet. The positive possibilities of a microphone are unlimited, and as with any technology, it’s misuses are just numerous. The good or harm generated by this item falls to us, the end-user. I hope that it, as with all technologies, will be used for constructive, rather than destructive purposes.
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