h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This just in: Xenophon Doulevis, inventor of the dot (circa 330 BC), is suing every dot-com in history for patent violation. He is owed gazillions, and a new form of mathematics has been invented to deal with his accounting issues.

Unfortunately, the patent-holder on this new form of mathematics refuses to release it for general use, and is now suing Open Office for publishing an open-source version.

In related news, the inventor of the hyphen, one Wulfstan the Unsteady, has arrived by time machine to collect on over a thousand years' worth of royalties.

The time machine operators are negotiating their cut. Lawyers are salivating.

Thank you for the quote from Brian Gysin. That is not only germane to the discussion (and enlightening), but has its own sort of music, doesn't it?

I can't imagine Shakespeare's being annoyed with your mother for 'stealing' that quote, even inadvertently. Tests have shown that the average English speaker doesn't know whether famous phrases came from the Bible or the Bard. This is not a new phenomenon, so don't blame the decline in education. In the 1920s, a very dear friend taught her students on Arbour Day: 'Lo, the winter is past...and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.' Her principal remarked that he dearly loved Shakespeare.

I find that a comforting sort of thing (the quotes, not the ignorant school adminstrator). What has become daily custom has gone into the culture far more surely than all the copyrights in the world. This may not pay the bills, but it does something far more valuable.

Ahem. You know what SEO is? Search Engine Optimisation? It means that, because we sort-of work for the BBC, our web influence is enormous. Mwahahaha. And etc.

Objects in cartoon are more influential than they first appear.

I will prove this with a truly bizarre example. Wait for it.

We at were googling yesterday, and got a shock. Look at this google page:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Gheorgheniplex&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=

Check out the last entry. Some web-content people in INDIA wanted to offer wallpapers.

Wallpapers.

They collected 500 images that caught their fancy from the BBC. Note the presence of cartoons Gheorgheniplex and Platypus Dancing.

Of course you may use my Modigliani pastiche on your laptop, Mr Mukherjee...may it inspire you over there in Bangalore as you answer customer service calls.

Frankly, I am chuffed. Somebody, bless their heart, looked at that image and thought it was worth saving. It's like......it's like.......

It's like being picked for the Ark.

"...McMooo..." (Ark entry.)

(I'm aware there's no 'cow' smiley, yet, anyway. Doesn't mean that there might not be someday.)

Here's to a cow smiley!

Too simple, huh? It's a good thing that you haven't been around the Atelier lately, there's been an infectious wave of surplus punctuations ... Really annoying they are too. Ever met a few rampant semi-colons in bare feet at o'dark-thirty? Not a pleasant thing.

New smileys? I'm not listening, lalalalala

uh-oh, i'm afraid you just violated somebody's copyright, mala

i'm sure i've heard that song before...

You bet, that idea of a and the lalalalala ... gotta be a copyright infringement.

Except perhaps in Norn Irn?

Only if sung while wearing a kilt.

I canna afoord a kilt, me lad ... (horrible, but that is as good as I get) How-ever, I have had a challenge today. As a voluntold member of the flag-bearing colours party of our Airforce Association, to accompany the navy blue blazer with brass buttons, military medals, etc, ... The tie is the Royal Canadian Air Force tartan. 100% Scottish made, 100% wool, tartan, ...

I have tied many a neck tie, but one of purely wool has a fight and fit of its own.

But it, the blazer, trousers, medals and such, all ready to bear a flag at our ceremony of the 'Battle of Britain' on Sunday. Some of our lads were in there, and our Sergeant-at-Arms (east-London born, 75 years of age now) will see that proper decorum is met

And you will not believe his name, knowing of poets and such. Our Sgt-at-Arms ... Tommy Thomas

And he makes me think (often enough) of Kipling ... http://faxmentis.org/html/kipling.html

That would make anyone think of Kipling.

Best of British luck to them all, then. We owe them a great debt.