h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't know where to start. No one has to read this, but I must get it off my chest.

We were away for the weekend - I had booked a weekend away after all the hectic of the past few days. My sister sent me an e-mail on Friday night. She had just been to see our mother and is due to go on holiday (a rare event) - sailing in the Caribbean for 3 weeks.

She was worried about leaving because Mum is showing signs of increased hearing problems, even more frequent repetition of questions, and incontinence. It's hard to describe because she has no physical problems, apart from slightly losing her hearing and sight (no cataracts or anything, though). She looks fine and until recently, it was difficult for me to think of her as a "little old lady". She doesn't have any problem walking, and the house is clean and tidy and she eats regularly, goes shopping with her friend every Friday, and to the hairdressers every second Thursday.

While my sister is away, I had resolved to phone her every night at 7 pm our time - 6 pm her time. That way I could check she was having her tea, or thinking of getting it ready and just to chat. Although "chatting" involves the same set of questions repeated several times. But she asks the right questions of the right people. I always get asked how my legs are, which is only one of several small things I have wrong with me, but never mind. She also asks on every occasion how my husband is doing now he's retired and has he tidied everything off his desk yet? She knows all my kids' names still and their girlfriends, wives and children's names.

Last night I phoned when we got back from the weekend away (I might write something about that later on) and caught her probably quite unawares, but found her unable to speak. She was talking absolute gibberish and I carefully tried to finish her sentences for her and to give her a chance to sort her thoughts and maybe just say "yes" or "no". She managed to say "give me half an hour", so I - rather shakily - hung up and started phoning her neighbours. Well, there's one neighbour still lives down the road who looks in on her, and one who used to go by every day, but has now moved into town, to be in sheltered accommodation herself, as she will soon be 80!

After those calls, I was still utterly shaken. I had already decided to get on to the medical centre in the morning and as soon as my sister gets back, for her to get power of attorney for everything. Hopefully, too, we can arrange for carers to come once or twice a week. The most worrying thing was that if Mum was in that state again, there would be no way she could phone anyone. Her mind might be working well enough to dial a number, but if she can't speak coherently, there'd be no point in making a phone call.

Ten minutes later, she rang me back. Everything was fine and she apologised for not being coherent and we had a (for her) quite normal conversation in which she used such words as "winter solstice", and told me she already had her Christmas cards and was planning to write a few a day, as "things take a little longer these days".

I was very relieved, of course, and immediately rang the two neighbours to tell them it was OK for now, but they said they'd keep an eye anyway.

Today the neighbour down the road phoned to say he'd been round. Part of the time she was fine, and then she suddenly went into this gibberish again. I reported this to the medical centre and asked them to get back to me if and when something had been done, but I don't know what can be done. The system said they only do house calls if the patient is housebound. Well, she isn't housebound, but if she did leave the house, chances are she'd forget where she was going, or what she was supposed to do when she got there.

Anyway, I'm feeling very shaken over this and can't really concentrate on work or anything much at the moment. I have a flight to the UK booked in 10 days' time and there aren't any flights available before then anyway.

Gosh, TC, that is very upsetting. We'll be thinking of you and hoping you can find a resolution. Maybe she is having mini-strokes that are responsible for her temporary aphasia. You might want to contact h2g2er benjaminpmoore from he is fairly knowlegeable about the ins and outs of carers in the UK. He might be able to make more relevant suggestions for you.

I was also going to suggest having her checked for mini-strokes.

I hope it can be treated, whatever it turns out to be.

Oh dear, hope things will sort out for you and your family soon.

Ageing parent(s) abroad is/are no fun, which I know from my own experiences.

Yes, as others have said, she needs to see her doctor, who will know what kinds of tests she needs. It sounds as if she's quite aware of having these spells.

It's good you have those neighbours to look out for her until you can get back. I guess you're going to be imposing on them a bit until then - make sure you get them something to say thank you.

And the very best wishes to you

A very difficult time for you TC, especially being so far away. I would second all the previous advice, and say get lasting power of attorney as soon as possible while she is still reasonably compus mentis as it could cause huge difficulties later.



Websailor

compos -I think I am going too

Feel free to let go on here, you need an outlet other than family on such a sensitive subject.



Websailor dragon>

oh dear, TC, that is very worrying for you. The distance makes everything worse.

Calm and courage.

For the moment, I am reassured. When I rang this evening, there was no answer. I tried twice, then I asked the neighbour to go round. He said all was dark and locked, so I immediately guessed she'd been taken into hospital. I rang the West Suffolk hospital and was told yes, she was there. They would be keeping her overnight while they checked a few things. I could ring back later to find out more.

I finally got through later to the ward she had been put in and was given lots of time by the nurse who explained to me what was being done and how she was. By then she was completely lucid, chatty and cheerful and I was just so relieved to know that she was not only with people, but with people who knew what to do.

I think I can get some sleep tonight. I may be looking at ferry time-tables though, and not taking that flight next week.

I am pleased that (a) I thought to ring the hospital and (b) that it's the West Suffolk rather than Addenbrooke's, which no one seems to have a good word to say about these days.

I'm sure it's a load off your mind that she's somewhere with a bit of supervision, at least.

Sometimes elderly people react badly to their own medications. Even if the medications are things they've been on for years. Something about slowing down metabolism concentrating the effect of medications.

I had a co-worker who was put on a new medication, and she flipped out with some really zany antics. Later, after she was taken off it, she didn't remember any of the things she did.

How difficult for you, but good to know your mother is now being looked after and assessed properly. I'd echo what others have said about urgently getting POA organised while she's able to authorise it. I'd also try to ensure she isn't allowed home until some home care support is put in place, if only once or twice daily to assist with mealtimes.


MC

What a horrible worry, it does make you feel helpless when you're at a distance. I can understand it's a relief she's currently in hospital and being looked after.

I do hope it turns out to be something easily dealt with.



Deb

Be thinking of you TC. I hope your Mum gets the help she needs, whatever that may be.



Websailor

If it were me, I would have a private talk with Mother's doctor to review meds she might be on, especially new ones.