h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Mew eats dessert, and then flies off to find his own room]

I find it strange that Bush's lead had shrunk that much from 1,800 to 300 something, shurly there can't be that many mistakes! And the latest news about the absentee votes is that people in the post office are intercepting them

I heard on National Public Radio that it wasn't so simple about the arrows and the holes: apparently some ballots were printed misaligned.

Thank you for your thoughtfulness, Lord Reflection: if you all will excuse me for a moment? I will be back in time to enjoy my share of the dessert *slips her chair back, stands, and follows Michelle out of the dining room*

excuse me for a sec...

*NYC leaves the dining room, and comes back fifteen minutes later with tan pants and a dark green long sleeve shirt, untucked, with rolled up sleeves*

I do believe I match Peet's mode of dress, now.

*NYC sits back down at his spot and proceeds to down copious amounts of sweets*

hey... has anybody noticed the pictures in their rooms? Mine is of a guy with a wrench, and despite the political overtones of that particular painting, the wrench looks oddly similar to the one sitting in the pile over there... does that mean the wrench is mine?

*NYC reaches for the wrench*

*returns to the dining room and takes her seat as NYC reaches for the wrench*

There are some odd crates in the hall that I don't remember seeing before. NYC, can't you wait till we've had coffee? I mean, what are you going to DO with that just now?

*Lord Reflection gets up, and follows Mew. He returns a few moments later, and stands at the head of the table*

My dear guests. I have an announcement to make, and I want all of you to be present. So I'm going to have to wait until Mew returns from his room. Such a bother, I suppose Pokémon are not used to asking to be excused from a table and things of that sort, Mew does, after all, communicate telepathically.

My announcement is rather long, so I suppose I'll begin it now, and perhaps Mew will return before I finish.

Friends and companions, I suppose you are all sitting here, after this delicious meal, wondering what purpose I may have had for bringing you all together, why you, specifically were chosen, and why, of all things, I would have chosen to pile weaponry in the middle of the dinner table. It is with this address that I hope to answer all of your questions.

*Lord Reflection throws a glance at Stavro, who is smiling amusedly*

Tonight, my friends, there will be a crime committed. Several, in fact, of the most foul sort. You have all been called here to be witnesess, criminals, and... victims.

*At this, Stavro moves in front of the door, and a large burly chef blocks the door to the kitchen. All admittance and exit from the room is now purely at their consent.*

Yes, I'm afraid that's right. There are killers among us. They may not be who you expect. And now, I'm afraid, I really cannot go on with this adress until Master Mew has returned. Please, do not be alarmed at present, you are all quite safe for the time being.

*He waits for Mew to return*

Victim? Not bloody likely I'm going to be one of those!

All right, just take a deep breath. Calm down. Keep your wits about you. Don't Panic!

~on his guard~

Any more of that coffee going?

*Leans backwards. Smiles at the developments*

*Lord Reflection looks anxious, nervous, and a bit uncertain. It could probably be attributed to his wish that Mew would return, but there appears to be something else, something deeper, troubling him*

~No reaction can be seen on the part of the Masque, as his Masque covers his face admirably. He seems to be staring intently at Lord Reflection.~

*Lord Reflection stands back up*

I simply cannot wait longer. Mew can just recieve the facts from one of you, later.

It may come as a surprise for you, but I am not Lord Reflection. My name is Jim. I am an actor, hired by Stavro to play a part. The real Lord Reflection is on vacation somewhere, and he left his mansion here... to one of you.

*Stavro looks upset, and the man formerly known as Lord Reflection gives him a poisoned glance*

I don't know who the real host is, as I said, Stavro hired me to host this party and make some purchases. I was supposed to let you all kill eachother off, and since I was hard up for money, hey, I went for it. But, I've gotten to know some of you, and I've decided not to take the money for this job. Goodbye.

*Jim looks like he is going to walk away from the table. At that moment, all the lights go out. There is a jostling on all sides of the table. There is a scream. The lights come back on, and the scene before the company is this:

Stavro stands at a light switch. After the jostling, everyone finds themselves standing at someone else's place. 11 out of the 12 weapons have disappeared entirely from the table. The 12th is the dagger, sticking straight out of the back of Jim, who lies slumped on his side of the table. However, something is odd. No blood is anywhere. On closer inspection it is discovered that Jim... was an android!*

Butler: Well, that was exciting.

Well, Stavro, out with it. What's next? What's the rest of the story?

Since Jim is an android, he can probably be repaired. *Glances at Affy and Garius looking for confirmation.* So is this pseudo-murder the crime we are to solve or are we free to go?

"He's dead Jim" (Note the deliberate absence of a comma... )

Of course, the thing I'm curious about is why would an android want to join the acting profession? I admit that in this case it's rather fortuitous, as it would have been cheaper to alter his (its?) face to look like the real host than to redo all those huge oil paintings, but, not attempting to be ironic here, what was his motivation?

*GL rushes over to the "dead" android.*

Yes, he could probably be repaired, but the abrupt power interruption probably would have damaged his memory circuits. In short, he would be useless as a source of information.

*looks up at Stavro*
Stavro, on the other hand, is still alive and still here. Stavro, please explain what is going on here.

STAVRO: I may point out to you that Jim, as you've come to know him, was not an adroid. This dead android seems symbolic, and whoever is behind it -- stop looking at me as if I know -- most likely kidnapped the real Jim and has him hidden somewhere. Now you have two choices. Either retire to your rooms and pass the night in uncertainty when the kidnapper/ villain will strike next... or return to the sitting room and attempt to solve the crime.

I may ask that in solving the crime, no one post a sulution unless they a) are almost positive they are wrong or b) want the game to end.

So that means there *isn't* any more coffee, then?