h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You've mentioned your plans for Christians, what do you intend for us non-believers?

Believers and non-believers alike, you will all burn in Hell!! BwahAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!

I'm not sure I can believe that.

Ah well. I'm don't sound very convincing, do I.

It's the voice, isn't it? I need a deep voice. More growly.

And this tight pink shirt was a mistake.

Does my bum look big in this?

I don't think I'm the right person to be asking, would you like some Tea by the way?
--
William Jenkins
Scout & Patron Saint of Tea

Mmm, I'm very partial to a cuppa.

(takes cup of Tea in his claws. The Tea boils away in a cloud of blue smoke.)

(eats the cup)

Thanks, that was delightful.

For that I will condemn you to eternal suffering, just for the hell of it. Bwahahahaaaaaa!!!

1. Why do you have a pentagram on your page? That's a witches sign.

2. How are you going to damn me to hell. I don't believ in hell and, no offence, but I don't believe in you.

On a lighter note, have you met my friend, Mike...

1. Why not? I'm not exactly trying to be accurate here, I'm just doing it for a laugh.

2. Even if you don't believe in Hell, Hell believes in you. BwahahahahAHAHAHAA!!!

Do you mean the h2g2 researcher Mike A? The one who claims to be the antichrist or something?

Yeah. You've met him, huh?

And I know it only a joke, Sweety. I just like to pick holes in conventional religion...

I've met Mike A... in another life.

Bwahahahahaaaaaaargh!

Hey Satan! How would you like to be an honorary member of H2G2's evil syndicate?

An interesting offer, theoretically he already is a member 'cos he owns all your members' souls

I will rule you all. But I won't be affliated to any organisations or syndicates that supports anyone in particular in the presidential race; does the evil syndicate?

Not officially, but the Masque of the Red Rejection E-mail is running for Dictator, with his running mate Redfish as Grand Vizier...

...and before you go and damn me to eternity in hell, I must warn you. I've been there. Not such a bad place; it reminds me of New York City in the summer...

Well, New York City is a portal to hell. My internet connection runs through the city and down to the depths of the underworld.

This would explain the location of Hell's Kitchen...

Ah yes, the finest in demonic cuisine.

Apparently as early as 1881, writer Herbert Asbury says that Hell's Kitchen was "the most dangerous area on the American continent". At least he was close, but he didn't think big enough...

By the way, might you have another portal somewhere in the south side of London? I'm trying to beat the airfares...

Yes, there's always Mayfair. That's my favourite site of depravity, I've got an elevator that goes straight there.

To Will - I probably haven't made a very good impression on you, huh? Sorry. I am prone to ruin her forums. Tell her I'm begging now. Most ungracious, don't you think? Frends?