h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Clipboard, I am Afgncaap5, muse of mad-science and the acting head of CHOPPERS, the h2g2 super heroes guild. I am here to conduct a trial put against you by two certain canines, based on your actions at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F70434?thread=121459 in the fourth post. In the event that you neglect to check that forum, I will for your sake, my sake, and the sake of any readers state what happened: You used a Reality Ray on two members of the h2g2 community, an act which really should be considered just plain not right. Now, I realize that as a cynic, you are allowed a bit of leeway in the area of reminding people of reality, however this is a bit far, if you see my point. Also, the use of such a ray, lazer, photon blaster, or other form of weapon is not only mad science, but is technically a branch of supervillainy. To perform this act, you really should be a member of STUMPED, the h2g2 supervillains organization. I admit that I've not double-checked their roster in quite some time, but I don't think that I've encountered you in any of the battles between good and evil, so I doubt that you're an acting member of STUMPED. Also, your usage of the Reality Ray may not have been so harsh if you had not implied the ray's effectiveness. As an avid follower of the Law Of Continuity that guides researchers through roleplaying, adventures, and other such activities, I feel I must mention that the Law Of Continuity clearly states that if some action is taken against another researcher, it does not take effect until the other researcher allows it to do so. The trial will begin just as soon as a few cohorts of mine arrive. (Note to mods: this is a silliness trial, much like the ones that AXR performs in his courthouse in the h2g2 Space Centre. Thanks for understanding!)

*A puffing KL darts in*

Hello, everyone, sorry I'm a bit late. I've been having a little scripting trouble in the "Continuity Gun" storyline.

*Reads the backlog*

Erg! This is a tough case. Maybe we should consult Lil, Affy.

Maybe, but not until we know that we're in over our heads.

Good point. Now, if Clipboard would please make his or her case.

*Arms the continuity gun, just in case the cynic tries to play any tricks*

I'd just like to say that I was there, saw the whole thing and it was him/her/it wot dunnit M`lud.

I'll wait to be called.

Red

Well, since Clipboard isn't speaking at this moment, why don't you make your case, Red Dog.

Sorry to be so late, I Haven't had a chance to log on...

As for my reality ray, I invented it in the CAMELOT(a search for adventure) forum. Unless your delusions are powerful enough, it will flood your mind with dread reality, possibly enough to make you temporarly log yourself off of H2G2 and do whatever it is you are supposed to be doing.

Pretty devastating huh? Of course this is just my most well known weapon, by no mean the best example of my arsenol : ]

Also, thanks for telling me about these supervillan guild folks, I'll make sure to check that out. See ya!

(promptly vanishes in a small smokescreen / light show)
MUHUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Sorry to be so late, I Haven't had a chance to log on...

As for my reality ray, I invented it in the CAMELOT(a search for adventure) forum. Unless your delusions are powerful enough, it will flood your mind with dread reality, possibly enough to make you temporarly log yourself off of H2G2 and do whatever it is you are supposed to be doing.

Pretty devastating huh? Of course this is just my most well known weapon, by no mean the best example of my arsenol : ]

Also, thanks for telling me about these supervillan guild folks, I'll make sure to check that out. See ya!

(promptly vanishes in a small smokescreen / light show)
MUHUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Affy-Hey! He just vanished and escaped the trail!

The Krylma Leader-No he didn't. Remember?

*The Krylma Leader points his Continuity Gun at the location that Clipboard was standing at a few moments before, and makes the dissapearing smoke trick just a figment of everyone's imagination. In other words, Clipboard is still here now*

Affy-Wow! Thanks, Minos. Anyway, sorry Clipboard, but we can't let you leave yet, not until the continuity is in effect here.

Charge one: are you aware that it is technically a violation of the Law Of Continuity if one researcher attacks another on h2g2, and describes that researcher's response to the attack? In other words, the LoC allows for people to type "I fire a salvo of bullets at my enemy," but it does not allow for people to type "I fire a salvo of bullets, and they immediately hit his heart, head, and left arm, causing an instantaneous death."

Also, people must technically have a Supervillain's License if they wish to hold onto weapons of this sort. Until you can claim such a license and attempt to follow the Law of Continuity, would you mind handing over your Reality Ray?

Oh, I see the problem... you don't like the text...YoU ArE NoT A DoG! YOu Are A RreseARChEr On H2g2....Go WritE A JOURNal eNtrY Or SomeThing... that's supossed to be the reality ray itself, the way that it effects people is by telling them that they aren't really what they claim to be on h2g2, thus makeing them realize it. that's what makes it such a devestateing force.

PS, continuity rays have no effect on me on h2g2, so just call me up and mention that you wern't done talking next time

No, the continuity gun had an effect on you. Don't you see? You're here, even though you left, and there was no record at all of your return. Ergo, the gun worked, and you never left.

In any event, I see your reasoning with the gun, but you must clarify that it is the gun saying this in the future, along with obtaining the proper license to use such a weapon.

no, I did leave, but I came back when I saw that someone had replied to my last ext string in this conversation

* A large wolf lopes into the courtroom, stops, and changes into human form.*

Ah, but you didn't make an entrance, so you must have been here all along.

Anyway, I think that your explanation is satisfactory. The ray simply sends some words into the, um, victim's mind. The victim is free to claim immunity due to a mind shield, or absent mind, or something, so you aren't dictating the victim's actions. Sounds fine to me.

*waves at the canines*

Yeah, as long as it's clarified in the future that the gun is what's saying that, it should be alright. But then we've got this nasty licensing problem to worry about. I believe it is possible to obtain a license for a supervillain-ish weapon without actually becoming a supervillain. Is that right, KL?

Oh, and as Garius said, there was no record of you returning, so therefore, we must assume that you were here all along. You leaving and coming back was just a figment of your imagination.

alright then, and anyway, I am an official member of stumped now, sphere and everything.

*GL sighs, and looks plaintively at Affy.*

How come they all want to join the bad guys? It just make more work for us good guys and we're pretty overworked as it is. Say, Red dog, you wouldn't want to join the heroes, would you?

I could always be a faithful sidekick GL - you know like Robin. Do you need an acolyte ?. I have some special powers - I can slobber, leave bones under peoples feet so that they slip over on them and I have liquid brown eyes that no one can resist ....... I wouldn't last five minutes when the action started would I ?

I have to say that the trial was civilised but ever-so slightly disappointing - no discharge of rays in fits of temper or pique, no burnt ozone smell, no crazed courtroom mayhem.

Nevertheless everyone seemed to get something out of it - Moondawg got to eat his cat (probably happily crunching a bone somewhere in the Northern woods right now), I have immunity from the Reality Ray as long as my patent mind shield's batteries don't run down and STUMPED gets a new recruit. All in all a pretty satisfactory outcome.

Red

Damn strait! [fires a reality ray straight up into the air, vanishing a large portion of the celing and bring a fan down on himself...]


Ouch!

Possibly the first occasion where the fan has hit the s**t ?

Sorry Clipboard - couldn`t resist it.

Red Dog

Quite. But in any event, Clipboard has not yet searched for the needle in the field of haystacks, so he's not a member of STUMPED just yet.