h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmmmm...

Here follow the blow-by-blow account; sorry, but it's getting it out of my system...

Well - in the evening after interview, they gave us a nice little talk basically saying that they didn't give a toss about the interview at Hertford, but that they did it anyway - that it could only bring you up, not put you down. Well anyway - I was sat outside the interviewer's office for about 15 minutes as she was running late, so I shook like a leaf for a bit. Then she sat me on a sofa and brandished a photocopy of my personal statement at me, covered in yellow highlighter - when she made me define my interests in analysis and discussion of literature I started to regret those bits. Then we went off on a huge tangent about the nature of opinion, and whether any literary theory is ever actually wrong.
The next bit was about the essays I'd sent in beforehand. One of mine had been a comparison of the individual in three dystopias, so we talked about the role of language in "A Clockwork Orange" and "Nineteen-Eighty-Four", and I basically ended up disagreeing with her about... well, forget that. Then she asked me about what I liked to read, so we got onto Margaret Atwood (thank God I read "The Blind Assassin" - she hadn't!) and I dropped in a bit of Oscar Wilde for good measure. Then we went over the poem I chose from the collection they give you beforehand - I got most of it well enough, but she went straight back to the bit I'd missed out; I wasn't chuffed, because I hadn't the faintest what it was about.

Ah well; it was all over in 20 minutes, leaving me plenteous time to go shopping, get very ill and get very intimidated by clever posh people.

They only gave me one interview - this could either be very good or very bad. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care if they rejected me, but I'll say it all the same.

Well - after that long-winded, self-absorbed tract - how did your's go, Lucinda?

A wise person once told me that if you left an interview from Oxbridge thinking that you'd been able to answer all the questions, and hadn't had any problems.... then you weren't going to get in.

I set off on the trains to get to my interview, only to be completely surprised that the trains were all going amazingly well. In fact, the one late train I ran into was an advantage - because it was late I caught it, whereas otherwise I'd still have been on the underground. So I arrived 2 hours early, in Hursley village. In Hursley there's a post office, which was shut, and two pubs. So I spent two hours drinking a pint and reading a book. Not ideal interview preperation, but what the heck. At least I was relaxed.

The guy spend a lot of time basically talking about his job. Which was all very well - but I didn't have a career in employment management planned out... eventually he stop ort meandered onto the topic of what I'd be doing, and extolled the virtues of IBM, and so forth. He also pointed out the speed at which promotion _could_ take place, which, frankly, scared me. I blatantly don't feel ready for life in work. That doesn't mean I'm not, of course - just that I don't feel so.

Then we got to the 'tricky questions meant to establish character traits' part... "what is your career plan?" "looking back in ten years time, what will make you pleased with your career?" "what makes a good leader?" "what does Lou Gerstner (head of IBM) need to do his job".

Answers on a postcard, to the usual address...

Hi guys!

Speaking as one of the last people to do an Oxford entrance exam for English at Christ Church, I know exactly what you're talking about. Unfortunately, I was rejected without an interview. However, this situation is far from the end of the world. If the worst should transpire (which I'm sure won't, judging by how your interviews seem to have gone) and you don't get the gig, then I can offer a few words of (admittedly scant) consolation:

Being rejected by Oxford was the best thing that has ever happened to me. No, I mean it. it meant that I had to go and study English at UCL in the Smoke, and in doing so, I've made some of the bestest friends that I could ever hope to meet, and had so much fun that it was a bit of a shame when I graduated.

D'oh. I didn't mean to sound quite so portentously self-righteous; apologies.

What is your career plan, out of interest? I'm damned if I've got one... even though the "it is my intent to pursue a literary career" bit on my section 10 got thrown straight back at me. Bugger.

I don't have one... *sigh*

Ahh well - I've gotten this far by randomly grabbing opportunities that seem good - why stop now?

On the plus side, as a result of the interview I *did* work out what I want out of life... which is half way there...

I vant to change ze world!

what *did* you mean by a literary career, btw?

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What I Meant by a Literary Career: aaah. I once entertained ambitions of being a fantastically famous sitcom writer, a la Richard Curtis - who am I trying to kid? In cloud cuckoo land I *still* want to be a female version of Richard Curtis, but I wouldn't mind if they'd let me write tragi-comedy plays, novels, etc. whilst yet and at the same time being a brilliant portraitist shortlisted for the BP Portrait Award. Winning the BP Portrait Award. Oh, and the criticism, the impenetrable papers on dystopias, the lecturing circuit...

Or I might just become a journalist or something.

Well, we covered the nature of opinion, dystopias, modern literature and poetry in 20 minutes, but she didn't actually ask me anything about my life...

I think I'd rather like that out of life, too. As my first world changing act, I would solve third world debt and accompanying issues. Then I'd take VAT off sanitary products (for God's sake, who decided that tampons were a luxury item?). Then I'd make it illegal to get out of bed before 9.00am.

Seems a bit arrogant not to bother to ask about you.

What _was_ the poetry thingy? Did you have to learn it, analyse it, explain why it moved you?

Well, in all fairness, they did say that the interview would be short and only really concerned with the subject.

The poetry thingy involved me receiving a collection of 4 poems 1 hour before the interview, and I was to choose one to discuss. There was a Seamus Heaney, a Hardy, a George Herbert and a Dickinson. I chose the Herbert, because I already knew a bit about him, and there was more scope for discussion on points of form and structure. I basically had to make general comments about it, so I did a technical analysis first (trochic metre, iambic pentameter and suchlike), and then I went on to what I thought it meant. She seemed quite surprised that I read 17th century poetry off my own back. Then I got stuck on that damned line and she went back to it...

Ah, well, I know absolutely nothing about 17th century poets at all. Does John Donne count? He's half in and half out. Still know precious little ("John Donne, Anne Donne, un-done" and the obvious).

But, as an interviewer, I can almost always tell if there's something a candidate would prefer not to talk about and, I'm afraid, it makes the most useful and interesting interview if I follow up .

How did you handle it, or do you prefer to let the whole grisly subject drop?

hey Emily - I am one of Abi's alternate personas. She is on annual leave at the moment (shhh! don't say that you saw me!) but she asked me to drop by to give you a huge and to say that whatever happens we are enormously proud of you! We think you are a complete

Here have another for luck.

Ah, thank you... that makes me feel all nice and glowy (is that a word?). In lieu of a smiley, this will have to do:

Have a nice holiday, by the way.

I don't mind - I'll dwell on the subject a bit longer...

It wasn't *a* line so much as a two line phrase. When she went back to it she asked me to explain it; after a nice lengthy pause, I said I didn't know what it meant. Then she just went through it with me, suggesting things until I got the point. Then she left me to consider God as a creator, and let me go...

*grins*
Ok, now *so* praying no-one makes me interview...
I would have chosen Heaney BTW...
Sounds like you did great, anyway. A friend of mine was down there last week having interviews- I wonder how she did.
Oh well. And hey- I've got an unconditional to Dundee Ok, not where I want to be, but it's a start

Unconditional?! Phew...

Well, I don't know exactly what they're looking for, and I can't say what it has done for your chances, but it's so much better to have a candidate who knows what they don't know rather than struggles through some awful attempt.

BTW, have you heard anything?