h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Actually, I have heard something- I got the little bundle through last week
The website is kind of pointless, actually, and I hate that little blurb saying "your application is being processed*. Grrrrr
Oh well- I'm sure you'll hear something soon...
And you can certainly put up my Personal Statement, though whether it'll help anyone is doubtful...

Thanks - and thanks again...

I don't know about the website; I liked it at first, but I've gone off it progressively because it hasn't changed for three weeks.

I actually had to use the 'site a couple days ago - some irritating beaurocrat wanted to know my course's UCAS number... like I had a clue!

What stage are you at now?

I've been at uni for 2 years... hence my irritation!

Ahhhh... I thought as much. It's just that being 21 you might have finished. Although since you put down your university address as a means of contact that's unlikely. I'm just being daft.

Ahhhh... I thought as much. It's just that being 21 you might have finished. Although since you put down your university address as a means of contact that's unlikely. I'm just being daft.

(I had to post it again, since I clearly got the code wrong the first time - just proves the legitimacy, eh? - for good measure)

22 in feb - already looking forward to birthday {but not xmas - I've still got 101 presents to buy... )

Look on the bright side - at least you don't have four parents. I do.

Did you take a year out then?

Original parents split up and remarried, I take it? That's unfortunate on the present budget... {I don't think there is a smiley, but there should be}

Yeah - year out before uni - made money - hence now not completely out of cash. Close though...

I take it you're planning on going straight to the land of infinite lie-ins?

Oh yes. I could do with infinite lie-ins.

Of parents, yes. Consequently my list now includes:

4 Parents
1 Brother
1 Sister
1 Boyfriend
1 Best Mate
8-ish Close Friends
Innumerable Aquaintances...

You're right. There should be a smiley.

This is a very old Urban Legend. I remember seeing it go round in e-mails at least 4 years ago (probably longer, I forget - you tend to in advanced dotage). The first time I read it, it was much more American and referred to a completely different university. Is it true? You decide, but having read your UCAS application, I thought it might amuse:


This is an actual essay written by a university applicant. The author now attends Southampton University.

3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR UNIVERSITY TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through the Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the 100m in 9.65 secs. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville Toaster. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to University.

hmm - reminds me of sections of Dilbert in the same vain - talking about how to write good self-appraisals...

The difference was that often you right self-appraisals so that your manager/tutor/Director of Studies can copy and paste them as if they had written them themselves... an example was:

title: Does the subject communicate well?
body:
MyRedDice communicates extremely well. His colleagues have often tried to gag him in order to stop him communicating so much, but he knows sign language, so this is rarely effective. MyRedDice knows 17 languages, including the african one with all the clicking, which he combines with Morse code in order to multitask.

Think of me at 12.15pm tomorrow - Oxford interview...

ok - provided you think of me at my 4pm job interview...

Good luck Emily - and remember - most of these interviewer's minds are totally adled by years of too much port - you'll be fine!

{invokes good luck }

Ah, thankyou - I shall duly think of you. What job, out of interest?

Unfortunately my interviewer is a nice woman in her mid-twenties. So much for the port...

ahh - if I knew that, then preparing for the interview would be a lot easier... I think the guy who's offering the potential job thinks I already know

But I *think* it's some sort of computer consultancy thing... and I know it's with IBM...

Yes, well, good start.

how'd it go Emily?

My interviewer started off wanting to offer me a job - and seemed to end up a lot less sure... oops!

Yes Emily how did it go?