h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah. But who's going to put in the sex?

and again

nope the belly laughs have kicked in,


also, I think this could be a best seller

if someone doesn't beat us to it on the theme, have you read 50 shades of shed?

No, is there one?

I could add the sexy bits. I'm already thinking about mud wrestling...

yes there is and now I am thinking of what you could come with on with an perfectly innocent trek along The Polden Way or the South Downs

come up with

in a strictly writery sense

now I must go and compose myself,

*housework*, focus, Peanut

Fifty Sheds of Grey - I've just read about it - is a spoof of Fifty Shades of Grey. A man is torn between his wife's sexual desires and his beloved shed.

I'd heard of the title and thought it would be fun to follow the stories involved in lots of different sheds - the model train enthusiast's shed, the writer's shed, the astronomer's shed, the gardener's shed...

again, yes that is what I meant *looks mortified*

50 sheds of grey,

that is worse than Dmitri, on the Polden hills, in terms of what came out typed wrong

I wasn't even drunk

I is on the gin now though, might improve my typing or not

still 50 shades of mud, reckon we daydeamers should snaffle it

Ah, the tonic hootoo

(slurps slow gin)

Fifty shades of mud? I love it. Uh oh ... I see mention of mud wrestling ....

wonder what else is going on around here .. back in a minute...

it is all perfectly innocent, promise

still what some people might get out mud splatters,

if they interpret ink blots, mud splatters like that,


they looked like wonky butterflies to me

well, I don't know, me,

Uh oh ... again. .

(sips slow gin , and considers quite a lot of things.) . How's the housework going, Peanut luv? .

Bit of a classic series of postings, the way that mvp's mud posting appears out of nowhere, and takes its place amidst peculiar happenings on the Polden Way. Not to mention le grenouille hopping around dans le grenier.

I think the Ed might need coffee. ...

I think these postings are a surrealist masterpiece. We must publish. Oh wait, we just did. . We are live, online, and global. .



Now I commission you all to go write your best seller in the cellar.

haha that's good, for almost midnight.



I have had this recurring dream, for years, although not for about six months now. What happens is ...

what?? where you gone? come back!

it's a very interesting dream, archetypal, it explains my subconscious on many deep levels.



Every time it starts the same. We move into a flat, nice flat, in an old building, tastefully restored and decorated. We notice a door ...

that leads to a landing, there is a spiral stairway


you stare, taking in the integral beauty of the spiral

of stairs

step back and shut the door,

or step forward and go

up

or down...

Hullo Peanut luv! Ah yes

haha, you all thought you were spared then, like I fell asleep in mid dream. So such luck, hah!

... and I push the door. It opens easily. There are stairs .. leading down into a strange basement we didn't know was there. It's like another entire flat, there are rooms, big rooms, with weird floral wallpaper.

(en suite in the master bedroom, good sized kitchen with separate dining area, no pets, not even toads.)

what? forget last sentence, just pretending to be an estate agent, I missed my vocation....

...but its all run down and damp and deserted and dilapidated, I don't like it, I go back upstairs, but it's not the same in the flat, knowing this strange basement is there.

And every time this happens. Same dream. Same basement.

Except the last time I dreamt about it, the basement wasn't so dilapidated, and I wasn't scared of it, even though the wallpaper was still weird, and I went down there to make a cup of coffee.



I think this dream means that I am a very nice person, on the verge of a useful existence.

And I'm thinking of installing a donut vending machine in there. .

And a spiral stairway! That's it!!!

What's it?

I'll install a spiral stairway and a donut vending machine.

The Trusted Spiral!!!

what???

Yes! That's what my dream is about! Except I didn't have a spiral staircase in my original dream. However I shall move into Peanut's dream image, and make a new life for myself and my pet toad, writing many deep and interesting essays about spirals, strawberries, symphonies and snakes.

if it gets scary you can go back to your landing, step back through the door

the door and the spiral staircase will be there, whenever you choose to go through, and look, or go up or down, it is and like that

donut machine in the basement eh,

any chance of a pizza oven?

there are strawberries

everything else makes perect sense,

are they magic or something, like the mushrooms, that we shouldn't serve up for breakfast in omlettes, with spices

That's good, you know, luv, that image, makes me secure, I need it, I've been a bit delicate today. I love that magic spiral staircase.

Thankyou! in exchange, I shall install a pizza oven, just for you.

Magic ?! yes please.

Good innit, hootoo, I can talk to friends and think about magic strawberries at quarter to one in the morning, and it makes me feel much better.

What? Is that the time?? (does double take at clock)

well, i am glad, that you feel that you feel that element of security on the spiral staircase, because it is there

oh, pizza oven, thank you, mushroom or toppings, anyone, I promise they are equally as good