h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

lol!

Dimmy(now on floor): Ow. Could you guys be more careful?






Zeb: Wha...? Huh? Ahh, crap, I'm losing it! Forget creativity, it's time for an old standby...







<...A silver fireball finds its way in between the assembled villains to plow squarely into the living legend Heavy. UH is knocked violently offscreen, and nearby villains are mildly singed...>

*CUT TO UH IN A CORNER*
*little chickens are dancing merrily around his head. his tongue lolls. suddenly, everything darkens. UH's features rearrange. his eyes light up with a firey inner glow. he stands, seemingly without the use of his legs. its voodoo time!*

[Thanks for allowing me to defend myself this time without having to make creative use of your general lack of explainations of sound effects.]

[YK] Er, er, er, er, YOU deal with them! [hides behind Janine]

[Janine] Oh, what a hero. Guess I'll have to do it myself.

[She raises Masamune with the intent of either a) dueling NYC with it or b) knocking the machete out of his hands. She settles for B and swings at NYC's machete with more force than is really necessary for simple dueling. She then pulls a sort of trick that makes it look like there's two of here, for the use of fighting two people at once with maximum efficiency]

Shine-a-light! UH has gone Voodoo

(tries to hide even further under the control desk, looking for a loose piece of panelling or even a spade)

*suddenly, The Prodigy begins blaring from the speakers. UH dances demonicly*

Leroy(singing. well, close): The voodoo who do what you don't dare do people!

[YK] [still hiding behind Janine] Hey, what?

Zeb: I can top THAT.



Zeb(Quoting the spell he just glanced at...): N'ygtpht! N'ygthpht! Kr'xvk v'costh pzutt Shub Niggurath. Kr'xvk v'costh pzutt Sh'udde M'ell. Kr'xvk v'costh pzutt! Ia!...







Zeb: ...Y'yichat Na! Ia!... okay, done. What do you think? It doesn't actually DO anything, but the effect is pretty cool.

[YK] I'd drink to that if I wasn't an underage American!

[NYC] two can play at that game!

*NYC flips out TWO machetes from his coat (as he has an entire rack of 'em) and strikes a combat position. Traditional Middle Eastern music starts somewhere in the background, and gets faster and louder. NYC grins with fire in his eyes, and attacks before Janine can draw all her attention away from sea. NYC slashes with his right, Janine deflects, NYC thrusts with his left as Janine dodges, Janine swings her Masamune at NYC, who ducks and rolls to the right, throwing his right machete at her leg. sea lunges at Janine with a dagger at the same time, and Janine has only a split second to dodge both attacks, and in a stunning move, narrowly misses both and falls on her side, where NYC quickly establishes his victory with his left machete to her throat*

[NYC] quick, sea! go get YK! *to Janine* that was quite fun. shall we do it again sometime?

[Janine does a really fast rollout maneuver, and NYC is now holding his machete over thin air. Janine does something REALLY cheap (for her): She kicks him over]

[Janine] Naw, I prefer to get into a win-win situation. [She spins around and is suddenly an exact duplicate of NYC]

[Janine/NYC] So now we're on equal grounds. [draws a machete, or possibly only the illusion of one]

[YK] Well, this is fun! 'Bye!

[YK runs for the door. It is slammed open in his face by a twentysomething guy with blue hair and a gunblade. His name is Elbert, and he is the same Elbert as in all previous adventures he's appeared in]

[Elbert] Heh. Now I get to try out ol' Excalibur! [shoots at NYC with his gunblade]

Zeb: What the hell? Was what YK just did supposed to make any SENSE??

[YK] Depends. When I'm defenseless, I'm pretty cowardly.

[Janine] You aren't defenseless.

[YK] Oh yeah.

[YK summons Bahamut Zero, a black dragon who then pelts the area with blasts of energy from its mouth. YK then proceeds to do the second part of the two-part process of turning tail and fleeing]

[Janine] [unintelligible Japanese obscenity]

Zeb: Stick around, won't you...MUHUHUHUHUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Dimmy(standing back up): Sir, you're only allowed to say "Stick around" whenever you trap the hero with glue, or something adhesive. It's one of the fundamental Rules of Villainous Witticisms.

Zeb: Shut up, Dimmy...

[NYC] hey, wait a sec! you can't just summon infinite amounts of incredibly powerful characters any time you want! shenanigans! SHENANIGANS!

*the continuity police drag Elbert and Bahamut Zero out of the forum, and one cop on his way out gives YK a punch in the gut he won't forget anytime soon. anyway, back to the action...*

[NYC] hey, you even got my outfit down to that missing button on my overcoat. cool!

[Janine/NYC] en guard!

[NYC] oh please, I'm too beautiful to cut up!

*NYC holsters his machete, and pulls out a Desert Eagle .50*

[NYC] but I have no qualms with shooting myself, provided I don't hit me in the face...

*NYC aims at Janine/NYC*

*sea snickers, but manages to contain the gales of laughter that threaten to put her out of commission for the rest of the night. she then approaches YK*

[sea] come on, YK, let's go. man to woman. or is it woman to chicken?

*sea raises fists*

UH (deep, voodoo voice): Now its ironic that you say that...
*clicks fingers. sea turns into a chicken*
gumbo anyone?

Yum yum!!

[YK] Boy, this'll be just like playing the Zelda games!

[He wacks the Sea/Chicken thirty times. And then a swarm of chickens comes along, attacking him]

[YK] D'OH! [starts beating off the chickens]

[In the meanwhilst,]

[Janine/NYC] Well, sure! [shoots NYC in the face with a pie-on cannon]


By the way, nobody said that Bahamut Zero actually /hit/ anyone. It and Elbert, by the way, are legitimate characters. If you're kicking them out, you might as well also kick Janine out ... and YK.

It's unfair to dominate a battle with several dozen supremely powerful characters, you being one person and all. They may be legitimate in Zelda or Final Fantasy, but this is H2G2 roleplaying, where the general idea is that we all have fun. Fun does not mean domineering the entire battle, fun means rolling with the punches while getting yours in. Give a little, get a little. After all, I only have one character. Currently, sea only has one. UH only has one, Zeb only has one, Redsky, Yo, and Inkwash only have one. For you to have 3 dozen is a blatant unfairness and infringes on continuity. If you insist on bringing back whats-his-name and every other character you can think of from your FF games, what's to stop me from bringing in the cast of the A-Team? What's to stop Zeb from bringing back Chulthu(sp?)? What's to stop UH from enacting god mode and kicking your ass? I want a nice fair fight that's fun, not an endless supply of one-post supermoves and brand new immensely powerful characters stepping in every other post. Play fair. NYC's been knocked out, kicked, thrown, and generally beaten upon so far and YK has yet to get a scratch, thanks to Janine, that phoenix, and other characters just like them.


*as Janine shoots NYC with a pie-cannon...*

*WHAP*

[NYC] custard, not my cup ot tea...

*NYC wipes off the first pie only to see Janine ready with the cannon again, and he dives to the left, wildly firing his .50*

*BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM click*

[NYC] damn!

*NYC fiddles with a replacement magazine*