h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I suppose I should have learnt by now that joy and sadness are two inextricably entwined emotions.

"But why", I ask myself miserably. "Why can't I just accept that I am happy and joyful and grateful and fortunate! without emiserating my happy cup of of life."

"That", my dear old biddy, "is a fact of life which you have not yet either accepted nor appreciated" says my alter ego, always ready to jump in with sage advice.

I think my alter ego - I shall call him or her my other self - is probably made the wisest replection of all.

I ask myself again

Is it possible to be either totally full of joy, or totally full of sadness?

I think that I am beginning to realise, slowly and painfully. that the answer is a gentle but firm denial.

It is not only possible, but it is vitally necessary that these two emotions should be present at all times in order to have a balanced view of this wonderful life we lead.

Could it be that the all important guarantor of being able to experience this two-fold approach is the awareness of others?

It is not only necessary it is an indispensible condition to leading a full life, grasping both the fruits and the nettles with joy and sadness and let's face a few stinging sensation.

Saturday 29th August 2009 7.55 BST

The rare time that I reflect on it, I always come to the conclusion that without one I'd never fully appreciate the other.

Christiane, my life is the same, and being single, I miss having a partner but hear my neighbours rowing and shouting at each other and thank God I am single. Then I miss having someone to take me to my son's wedding, and also have people unhappy in their relationships say to me how lucky they think I am that I have choice what choice? I don't see a queue and I don't go out. Vicious cycle.

I spend my time minding children and looking after my mother. I really don't have time for a relationship. I wonder if I'll ever feel a man's arms around me again, or share a long, slow kiss, or walk down the street holding hands. Inside I could weep for the passionate woman unfulfilled, but time is passing and I fear that side of my life is over.

Am I happy? Yes, because I have a roof over my head, all my needs are taken care of, clean water to drink and a hot shower whenever I want one. Money is no problem. I have a loving family and many good friends. In all, I'm a lucky person, yet I still feel unfulfilled. Perhaps it's the anticipation of one day being satisfied with our lot which keeps us going?

With and affection dear Christiane

GB

8.45am Saturday 29 Aug

Dear Christiane,

I´ve been told to read a book titled, The Joy of life, by a buddist monk and a psychologist, it has forewords of Daniel Goleman, the author of books like Emotional Intelligence. My friend told me it isn´t new-agey stuff, but a serious, well written book that teaches how to meditate. It includes scientific explanations about how the mind works in that state of deep relaxation.

He teaches to unite both joys and sorrows as part of our life experience.
sometimes it seems that we live under the premises of “having to enjoy life at the maximum” Too worried about I would... I wish I could..., we forget the simple joys of everyday life. A truism, but it usually happens.

Helen Keller, that woman who achieved an university degree despite being blind, deaf and mute said that we should use our senses as if we were to lose them the next day.

I find that inspiring. Many times, when I felt down or in stressful or limited circunstances to lead a “normal” life I´ve taken shelter in my senses. I couldn´t travel nor go out when I was in Ireland, short budget, but I enjoyed a lot the bit of nature around the place I lived.
For more than a year I´ve had to see life from my window: watching the sunsettings, the sky at night, listening to birds, watching how seasons pass by in the poplar opposite my window, etc. It has been a joy for me.
I´ve also had this window in h2, which gives me human warmth, amusement and many more things.
I know that my patience has helped me to accept these circunstances, and to keep on fighting despite many sad moments. I accept them too.

I will be the happiest person when I start to walk again with normality, only that, walk. A simple activity.
I think I belong more to the epicurean point of view than to the hedonist one. Although the stoic one is the one is helping me now.
So, now, I accept what life brings, although I try to improve the situations and do the best to cope with it all.
Hope, positive expectactions and work on near goals prevent me from falling into depression.

Other aspect that brings a lasting serene joy is the capability we have to help others. That is something rewarding. It feeds our hearts and make us feel balanced and happy.
You have lots of memories, you have lived a lot of interesting and varied experiences. You have your heart full of many moments that, now, at your age,are your dear treasures. The good thing is that you still can keep on treasuring moments of joy.
Be also sure, that you being here gives people joy. You are a very dear woman, we enjoy reading your words- despite we don´t always appear to comment them.

María

Hi, Christiane

I often feel joy and sadness simultaneously. Pure joy comes once in a while, especially when I'm swimming.There are endorphins that the body releases after about a half hour of aerobic exercise, and they make a person feel euphoric. Some call it the "runner's high," though any extended exercise should bring it on.

Sometimes a person can lapse into depression after abruptly stopping exercise for an extended period. Maybe there is another activity such as meditation or breathing exercises, that can bring back the euphoria. Frankly, I feel euphoria when I'm listening to certain favorite pieces of music, or when I'm looking at my favorite pieces of china, or smelling apple blossoms. There may be many paths that lead there, and they would be different from one person to another, but the euphoria might only last a few moments. Would an occasional few moments of joy be enough?

Hello Christiane,

What a lovely post. It touches a topic I've thought about, as well. When F died I made a conscious decision not to become a grieving widow. That decision had nothing to do with F or our relationship or how much I loved him or missed him. It had to do with life and renewal. I was at a point where I could dwell on the negatives and make myself miserable. Or I could find the positives in my situation and go forward and enjoy my life.

I liked GB's post. She illustrates that every coin has two sides and that she recognizes the positives in her situation. On the other hand, it isn't exactly the way she wants it to be. I wonder if any of us are every completely satisfied with our situations? Probably not. But life can be enjoyable without it being perfect, if we choose for it to be.

Paul, I'm not sure I feel moments of euphoria. Maybe I should start jogging. Music doesn't do it for me. I'm not sure I've ever felt pure euphoria. Surely I'd remember it if I had.

Christiane,

For a long time now I have realised that the bad times accentuate the good times, and that happiness is fleeting, and should be grabbed and treasured. Many of the younger generations have a adopted a 'me, now' approach to everything, which seems to overlook the joy of anticipation and the joy of the little things in life. We need to harvest as much of the good we can find in any bad situation in order to carry on.

The comment about using all our senses is true too. So many people neither see nor hear the beauty all around them. They have their sight and hearing but they look but don't see, and hear but don't listen. They touch but don't feel, and they judge by appearances, as GB so clearly showed.

Incidentally Galaxy Babe, you are still young and you never know what, or who might be round the corner. Good times can sneak up on you unannounced when you least expect it.

Some of the old sayings like 'all that glisters is not gold' is, I think, probably truer now than it has ever been.

Some people sail through life without so much as a hiccup to disturb their happiness, but when tragedy strikes, I think they are less equipped to cope than those of us who have been severely buffeted by life.

My life has not turned out as I expected, and there were things I would not do again, or would do differently given a second chance, but I have learned a lot along the way.

People matter, possessions don't, though I am a hoarder by nature. Politeness, kindness and tolerance go a long way towards peace of mind, which I now value more than happiness.

Christiane, you still have much to offer, you give pleasure to so many people here, and sharing your wonderful memories delights us all. You also make us think more deeply about all manner of things.

Websailor

Websailor, that was beautiful.

Hypatia, it's possible that you could feel the euphoria during an extended walk. You might not need to jog or run.

Hello Cristiane

With me it's always mixture of the both but I have never felt total joy or total sadness.

Kat

I have often felt total indifference. Does that count?

Dear Paul,

Thank goodness you put in that otherwise I would have said it did matter.

Always warn with a wink please.

I hope that you will be able to get rid of your "frazzled" state this weekend. Work hard at it.
Dad is out of hospital. I do not know if your Mum is still in. But enjoy enjoy the break. !!

Christiane
Ar80

Thanks for the kind thoughts.

I'm unwinding as we speak. I've gotten some rest, and have relaxed.

This series of postings is like an oasis. The reflective comments so freely given by so many people has really uplifted me. Thanks everyone.

I found out when I was quite young that giving time and support to others caused me to feel more worthwhile and that led to me feeling happier. I'm a keen advocate of people volunteering their time and effort - not only to improve the community in which they live but for their own emotional and spiritual benefit.

Vestie

I like winking. I like smiling. I don't want to make anyone feel bad.

Sometimes I'm silly, but my silliness can be misunderstood....

VB and Paul, you're nice people.

Jabs

Thanks, Jabs.
You're not only nice, but wise. It's hard to find wisdom these days....

Look, Look! They say nice things as well!
I'll sleep peacefully tonight.