h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OK everyone, this is a game. Basically, you tell part of a story and it always has to end with "Unfortunately for Wilfred..." OK. Shall I start?

One day, Wilfred was wandering happily down a rather orange street when, unfortunately for Wilfred...

...it turned into a lemon instead. He slipped off the lemon and unfortunately for Wilfred...



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...he landed in a deprived music teacher's office. This music teacher had just written a cantata about a saint called Cuthman, which had duly been performed in the local church. He was now out of the lime-light and craved more attention. He therefore took up the opportunity to create a whole new saint by the name of Wilfrid. He forced Wilfrid to back this story up and then deported him back in time while the music teacher wrote a whole new cantata about St. Wilfrid. Unfortunately for Wilfrid...



¦M¦

...he deported him back to far, and he suddenly found himself confronted by a very large, very scary dinosaur. The dinosaur roared and Wilfred thought that this was all very nice and roared back. But, unfortunately for Wilfred...



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...the roar was a word that was anciently magic, and it rapidly transmutated him into an interestingly yellow pair of chintz curtains. Unfortunately for Wilfrid...

...the dinasaur had long wanted a pair and took him home to hang in his cave. This was unfortunate for Wilfred because...

...the dinosaur's cave was too large for Wilfrid to cover completely, and the dinosaur took a sudden but veracious dislike to him and tried to dye him pink instead. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...somebody who doesn't even know anybody here mysteriously appears and waves a magic wand at him, turning him from those ill-fated curtains into a rather oddly shaped pair of pliers. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

The dinosaur didn't want a pair of pliers, so he took him back outside again and tossed him into the surrounding scrubland. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...the surrounding scrubland turned out to be covering a large crash-landed alien spaceship, whose inhabitants didn't take too kindly to having a pair of oddly-shaped pliers whipped at them by a dinosaur. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...the inhabitants were plier-hating life-forms who had great enjoyment in torturing pliers and ripping them apart. Wilfred, upon realising this, tried desperately to transform into wire-strippers instead, but unfortunately for Wilfred...

...he screwed up and accidentally transformed into my paper due this Thursday. Holy crap I almost forgot! Unfortunatelyforwilfred..

...Marc didn't give it in and the cat ate Wilfred. (This was also unfortunate for Marc, but that's another story... I think.) Wilfred then managed to turn into a pair of pliers inside the cat. He had to be removed by a Vet at great cost to it's owner - which may or may not have been Marc. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...the cat's owner actually turned out to be Mr. T. "I pity the foo'," said Mr. T as he tossed the pliers out of the car on the way home. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...at that very moment a James Bond film was being filmed and he got smashed up in an interesting attempt by the supervillian to capture the Bond girl. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...Insane Endeavour was fuming about the possibility of Robbie Williams being the next James Bond. (She doesn't really like him.) She was walking down the road, fuming as she went, and Wilfred's pieces were in front of her. She kicked them. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...she kicked him into a large permanent puddle where he slowly began to rust (for he was made of iron). Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...he rusted very quickly and improbably into a very rude and amusing shape. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

he was spotted by a collector of rude and unusually shaped objects who swiftly picked him up and added put him in his trouser turn up. Unfortunately for Wilfred...

...the man's house was immediately taken over by the UCAIURLORRR, which can be checked out at http://www.h2g2.com/A484337 and is being promoted without remorse... unfortunately for Wilfred...