h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But I thought it was only 30 seconds you can survive in the space...

You can't believe everything that people tell you - you don't yet understand your full powers.....

*looks worried*
That sounds... worrying...

I thought it might, judging by the worried look on your face. But never fear (never, you understand), the only people who should be worried about your powers are those people who aren't you.
*starts to look worried then remembers that he's not a person*

So the powers - whatever they are - wouldn't work on you?

*points her finger towards him causing a big flash of light - after which Cthulhu is found in the other side of the room looking horrified*

Hey, did I do that??

*dusts himself down, picking pieces of plaster out of his skin*
Be careful where you point that thing! I didn't say they wouldn't work on me, only that I wasn't worried about them. Happily, you can't harm me in any way, though being thrown across the room isn't *always* fun. Perhaps you should test some of your gentler powers.....

Well I could if I just knew what they were...

Well, other than neck rubs, I don't know if I can tell you - it's supposed to be a sacred journey........okay, I'll tell you one - you can independently control any body function, including heart beat, sweating, etc. whilst carrying on a normal conversation. Not very exciting, I know, but I think I'd prefer if you tried the other powers whilst I wasn't around (I'm not worried though )

Control body functions? Wow... But how do you know all this?? *looks suspicious*

Only because I know everything......
*looks hopeful that she'll fall for it*
Stop reading!
*relieved that shes stopped reading, starts chuckling*

Oh, right, you're a god... You know everything... But what's that expression on your face?? Why don't I quite believe you...
I'm not reading anything, what should I not be reading?? *wonders if he could've spotted the Vermiis Mysteriis on the table although it's pretty well hidden*

I don't know what you're talking about, I have no expression on my face - how else could I know what you can do......
*glances idly toward the table*
I'm not at all sure what you shouldn't be reading, I just know that you shouldn't. On another topic entirely, have you ever been to Miskatonic University? I've heard that it's lovely.
*feigns indifference by staring out the window*

Misca- what?? Never heard of that place... *tries to look innocent and joins him looking out of the window indifferently*

Glances over at Alien "You know, you really should think about putting a window in this place"
*Heads towards table, looking for an interesting magazine to read*

*walks to the table too, hoping that he won't pick up those schoolbooks and reveal what's under them*

Ooh goody - Finnish schoolbooks! Perhaps they'll help me learn Finnish.....*bends over to pick one up*

Well they're not actually in Finnish... They're English books - I really have to study... Nothing interesting there... *picks the whole pile up and gets it our of the sight*

*One book tumbles to the floor, and before Alien can pick it up Cthulhu swoops*
This doesn't look like English to me 'Ankseet' what? What's that big one in your hand - it looks old...."Vermiis..." That sounds familiar....

No it doesn't!! 'Vermiis' - that means - worms... It's a... a... biology book! Yep, that's it... Absolutely nothing that would interest you...

Oh, it doesn't sound familiar to me, doesn't it? Well that's a relief. And I guess 'Vermiis' does seem similar to 'worm'. Still, there's a place in Australia which has the worlds larghest worm.....it would be good to learn a bit about them before I went to see it. Do you mind if I have a look?