Bulgarian correspondent
As we know, the universe is big, big and empty. Bulgaria is quite like the universe, except that it isn't quite so hugely vast. It's more, shall we say, small. It is a small country, whereas, of course, the universe is big and contains simply billions of planets that in themselves have thousand of countries each. So, you can see that as regards size Bulgaria is not actually like the universe at all. But, and here's the point - it IS empty. Quite empty, and getting emptier all the time. I was at first tempted to say that it was harmless, but I heard a couple of summers ago of a woman who was collecting mushrooms in the Rilla mountains and was accidentally eaten by a bear.
I doubt, however that it was much of an accident from the point of view of the bear, though. I just saw a man get run over by a tram as well, so we had better skip the 'harmless' bit, I think.
This seems like a good place to start a new paragraph.
Bulgaria is, as I have said, empty, and getting emptier. It also differs from the universe in that it is on the Balkan Peninsular. Now, I suspect that most readers of the Guide will have, are, or have every intention of avoiding the Balkans, but, and this is an important point coming up right now, but I'm afraid I'm new at this job and have yet to hone my style to create that building suspense type of writing that Stephen King has off to a tee, letting you know that an important point is coming, but it is, and here it is:
Bulgarians do not spend all their time driving tractors, shooting each other and drinking vodka. It is the Romanians who drive most of the tractors, the Yugoslavs who shoot each other and the Russians who drink vodka.
Bulgarians drive combine-harvesters, swear at each other a lot and drink rakia - a fine brew distilled from either grapes, apricots, plums, figs, or pretty much anything else they can lay their hands on. It is similar in taste, colour and effect to Janx Spirit, but MUST (and this is a very important point again that I must warn you of before it happens) drink it while eating salad, tomatoes, cucumbers, sweet peppers, or any combination (all three if you are lucky) and if you are a sophisticate, you will top your salad off with Fetta cheese.
Bulgarian men are rugged. Bulgarian women are beautiful. The capital, Sofia, has a lot of noisy clubs, ideal for a hitch hiker to lose himself for hours on end, drinking rakia, eating salads, and shouting at the top of his voice about the end of the world, and no-one will even notice him. Some might call it heaven, but I would hate to get into religion so early on in this report.
This is Ra Boadicea signing off until I have had enough to drink.
Sofia
17.12.99
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| Messages left for this Researcher | Posted |
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| Welcome, Not-from-Bulgaria! | Dec 21, 1999 |
| Silly question | Dec 19, 1999 |
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| Bulgaria | Dec 17, 1999 | No Replies |
Boadicea
Researcher U104976
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