h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not from Bulgaria are you?

Those of us from rather further flung regions of Galaxy have been fortunate enough to receive an education. Although I am a boy, my mother gave me the name of an ancient Celtic Queen she had read about once and decided that it would be a good name for a boy as no-one on our planet had ever heard of her. Of course she didn't realize that I would someday be stranded here. The name is something of an embarassment as, in fact, the Roman emperor of the time of Boadicea's uprising sent forces stationed in Gaul to put her down (and we are not talking simple insults here, I'll tell you, this was sword-wielding, killing stuff of the sort that the Romans were pretty damn good at. Anyway (and I'll have to warn you there is a point coming soon) these forces in Gaul were in fact from the Balkans. Thus my uncomfortable situation at being stranded here.

Sorry, what was the question?

Oh. yes! No, I am not from Bulgaria, but am ready and willing to hitch a lift out of here as long as you let me bring some rakia and a couple of women!