h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(Reffering to the accent of a glaswigian)
Hey Honey! Get aload of this Guy's Kookey accent, Aint it just dumb!

You don't have to tell me! I KNOW which one





Ha! I've more chance of being hit on the head by a meteori

mad axeman who you kidding

of course it's safe, I've walked over it loads of times

hmm good joke, pull the other one

have a look at this, it'll kill'yer

Hi Prof,
Harold at the battle of Hastings "Watch it you will have someones eye out with that"

Health And Safety? Who cares, they're a load of kiljoys...

Ludwig von Beethoven:
"Friends applaud, the comedy is over."

Now do I add acid to water, or water to acid?

(It matters).

No! the signs there only to scare kids off

aw eck! your mam's over there - where? - that Aberdeen Angus

The Steward of the Titanic serving pre-dinner drinks:

'A little ice never hurt anybody!'

MMF

I bet it's only the same as sticking your tongue on a battery

"When servicing a microwave, it is extremely important you never touch *this* bit..."

- whether or not it is urban myth, I don't know, but story tells of a service engineer trainer who did exactly that, touching the large capacitor in the back of a microwave oven, which promptly electrocuted him!

the bungee rope will only stretch half it's length - ok! Geronimo

Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...... everybody does it

I know what to do, its always the red wire that you cut

it's ok, I've read the instructions thoroughly

I love the thrill of tempting fate and I'm too fast to be caught out unawa