Your guide to one little portion of Earth, where there’s good pizza.

I am happy to have this opportunity to enter my wisdom, insight, and insecurity to the collective body of knowledge known as The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. In this, the Earth Edition, I will attempt to make visitors from other galactic locations feel at home here, and I will endeavor to explain some of the most perplexing aspects of human culture and behavior.
If it seems to the first time visitor that all humans are mad and that nothing at all makes sense on Earth, let me assure you, there is logic if you examine things closely. Let me start with my current location on the planet, a city called “Chicago” on the North American continent. The name “Chicago” is thought to mean something like “smelly onions” in the language of the people who originally lived here, the ones who were pushed out and killed so that people from another continent could build really tall buildings in a swamp.
North America was named that because it is in the northern hemisphere, and some guy from far away who never came here drew some very inaccurate maps and people thought his name, Amerigo, sounded cool, but they changed it to America because, I mean, can you imagine a song called “Amerigo the Beautiful?”
So, is it becoming clear now that things on Earth really do make sense? I didn’t think so. In fact, I admit it, I haven’t been able to figure out this planet and I’ve lived here for over forty years. So I’m begging you, any galactic visitors that read this, please flee while you still have your sanity, and most importantly, TAKE ME WITH YOU!
But while you’re here, you might want to read about my friend Xanthan Gumm, who came to Earth to become a movie star like his idol, E.T. His story, along with some really strange cartoons, is on the site" >


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Robin Reed

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