History of a city, such as it is.
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Now that I have gained the exalted position of Researcher for H2G2 (though I’m still negotiating the salary package, and if they don’t provide me with full dental, I may reconsider) I feel a great weight of responsibility to provide intelligent, thoughtful reports that will fit in with the many intellectually stimulating Guide Entries that other Researchers have supplied. However, I feel that in the true spirit of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I can easily fulfill my obligations as Researcher without actually doing any research.
Since we are endeavoring to cover everything there is to know about Earth, let me start with some history of the small patch of the planet that I am most familiar with. The city of Chicago, Illinois, United States of America, has a history stretching back, oh, a ways. The first people here were the Indians, who of course weren’t Indians at all in that they lived half a world away from India and had never prepared a nice meal of Tandoori Chicken in their entire lives.
The mix-up on the word “Indians” was all the fault of one Christopher Columbus, who thought he could get to India by sailing in the opposite direction. Actually, it’s possible that Columbus was just looking for a nice meal of Tandoori Chicken, because there were very few good Indian restaurants in Madrid at the time. His logic was not without its merits, for indeed the world is round, and it would have worked if there weren’t a couple of continents in the way. Nevertheless, Columbus proceeded to call the people he found “Indians” and the name stuck for all the peoples of North and South America. Columbus then told all of Europe what he had found and soon everyone just had to go and see it for themselves.
Up in a northern section of North America, next to a very large body of water, some people who were not Indians but were called that were happily fishing and hunting and living their lives, when strange people with pale skin showed up, and soon started acting like they owned the place. Pretty soon, the original people, Indians or not, didn’t live there anymore.
This particular area next to the very large lake was a good place for traders to set up shop, because a major river flowed into the lake, and trade could occur with people from all over the vast great lake system, and with more people who could get to the river from wherever they lived.
After a while there was a city called Chicago there. The departing Indians (I could tell you which tribes, and perhaps mention some aspects of their culture, but that would require doing some research.) had provided the name, which had something to do with onions. Smelly onions, stinky onions, land of onions, yummy onions that are good in fish stew, something like that.
Some stuff happened, some Indians killed some pale skinned people in a fortress, (There is monument to the dead white people at the Michigan Avenue bridge, which most business people who work there every day walk right by and never notice, but it’s a good spot to stop and look around, because there are many interesting buildings nearby, and besides if you stand in the middle of the bridge’s sidewalk you annoy all those business people who are trying to get to lunch.) and then the city grew up to become a major business and railroad center, and then the city burned down.
Now, stop thinking Mrs. O’Leary’s cow. The poor dear bovine has gotten a bad rap for about a hundred and thirty years, but there is some evidence that it started at a craps game being held in an attic nearby. Either way, the Great Chicago Fire was a fire waiting to happen. I mean, you try building mile after mile of rickety wooden houses and buildings too close together, along with barns that have hay in them, and then heat the homes with open fires and see your way at night by lanterns and candles, and just see what happens.
The fire burned down just about everything, except the famously unburned Water Tower, which was made of stone. The Water Tower is still there, and it looks nice but doesn’t do anything any more except provide a photo opportunity for tourists. It’s on North Michigan Avenue, north of the aforementioned bridge, and it lends it’s name to a nearby tower of commerce, an indoor mall with overpriced merchandise called Water Tower Place.
Since the whole city had to be rebuilt, there was a lot of opportunity for architects to become famous by designing new buildings, and that’s just what they did. Plus, new technology allowed buildings to be really tall. Something called an elevator (a lift for you Brits) made it possible for people to actually get to the tops of these buildings.
Pretty soon we’re talking twentieth century, and the city just got bigger, and the buildings taller. Chicago claimed the World’s Tallest Building for years with the Sears Tower, but the title has been in dispute with some place in Malaysia that has a very tall spike on the top, which is not really the same as having floors where people can live and work, and look out the windows at all the people in lesser buildings, if you ask me. A developer is now planning a building that will make Chicago once again the undisputed home of the World’s Tallest Building. The thing looks like several aluminum cans stacked on top of one another, but I’m sure it will be an architectural marvel.
So there we are. I’ve covered the whole history of the city of Chicago. Okay, so there are a few things I’ve skipped over, but I’ll get to them in future Guide Entries. I hope you will enjoy my entries, and will not hesitate to comment on them, dispute them, and tell me what an idiot I am.
Since we are endeavoring to cover everything there is to know about Earth, let me start with some history of the small patch of the planet that I am most familiar with. The city of Chicago, Illinois, United States of America, has a history stretching back, oh, a ways. The first people here were the Indians, who of course weren’t Indians at all in that they lived half a world away from India and had never prepared a nice meal of Tandoori Chicken in their entire lives.
The mix-up on the word “Indians” was all the fault of one Christopher Columbus, who thought he could get to India by sailing in the opposite direction. Actually, it’s possible that Columbus was just looking for a nice meal of Tandoori Chicken, because there were very few good Indian restaurants in Madrid at the time. His logic was not without its merits, for indeed the world is round, and it would have worked if there weren’t a couple of continents in the way. Nevertheless, Columbus proceeded to call the people he found “Indians” and the name stuck for all the peoples of North and South America. Columbus then told all of Europe what he had found and soon everyone just had to go and see it for themselves.
Up in a northern section of North America, next to a very large body of water, some people who were not Indians but were called that were happily fishing and hunting and living their lives, when strange people with pale skin showed up, and soon started acting like they owned the place. Pretty soon, the original people, Indians or not, didn’t live there anymore.
This particular area next to the very large lake was a good place for traders to set up shop, because a major river flowed into the lake, and trade could occur with people from all over the vast great lake system, and with more people who could get to the river from wherever they lived.
After a while there was a city called Chicago there. The departing Indians (I could tell you which tribes, and perhaps mention some aspects of their culture, but that would require doing some research.) had provided the name, which had something to do with onions. Smelly onions, stinky onions, land of onions, yummy onions that are good in fish stew, something like that.
Some stuff happened, some Indians killed some pale skinned people in a fortress, (There is monument to the dead white people at the Michigan Avenue bridge, which most business people who work there every day walk right by and never notice, but it’s a good spot to stop and look around, because there are many interesting buildings nearby, and besides if you stand in the middle of the bridge’s sidewalk you annoy all those business people who are trying to get to lunch.) and then the city grew up to become a major business and railroad center, and then the city burned down.
Now, stop thinking Mrs. O’Leary’s cow. The poor dear bovine has gotten a bad rap for about a hundred and thirty years, but there is some evidence that it started at a craps game being held in an attic nearby. Either way, the Great Chicago Fire was a fire waiting to happen. I mean, you try building mile after mile of rickety wooden houses and buildings too close together, along with barns that have hay in them, and then heat the homes with open fires and see your way at night by lanterns and candles, and just see what happens.
The fire burned down just about everything, except the famously unburned Water Tower, which was made of stone. The Water Tower is still there, and it looks nice but doesn’t do anything any more except provide a photo opportunity for tourists. It’s on North Michigan Avenue, north of the aforementioned bridge, and it lends it’s name to a nearby tower of commerce, an indoor mall with overpriced merchandise called Water Tower Place.
Since the whole city had to be rebuilt, there was a lot of opportunity for architects to become famous by designing new buildings, and that’s just what they did. Plus, new technology allowed buildings to be really tall. Something called an elevator (a lift for you Brits) made it possible for people to actually get to the tops of these buildings.
Pretty soon we’re talking twentieth century, and the city just got bigger, and the buildings taller. Chicago claimed the World’s Tallest Building for years with the Sears Tower, but the title has been in dispute with some place in Malaysia that has a very tall spike on the top, which is not really the same as having floors where people can live and work, and look out the windows at all the people in lesser buildings, if you ask me. A developer is now planning a building that will make Chicago once again the undisputed home of the World’s Tallest Building. The thing looks like several aluminum cans stacked on top of one another, but I’m sure it will be an architectural marvel.
So there we are. I’ve covered the whole history of the city of Chicago. Okay, so there are a few things I’ve skipped over, but I’ll get to them in future Guide Entries. I hope you will enjoy my entries, and will not hesitate to comment on them, dispute them, and tell me what an idiot I am.
