h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Four Small Poems Entitled 'Love' - A4162321
Author: poetique - U1602061


An assignment accepted. A challenge addressed. An uprising averted.

I liked the third (water) one and the introduction best.

I think these are very good for the restrictiveness of the assignment. Could've been done a lot worse anyways.

Thank you.

Sometimes restrictions make exercise more effective.

air:
your sweet
young breath
is sweeter
as we kiss.

fire:
your blazing eyes
fill me with hot desire.

water:
your body is
smoother in the Jacuzzi

earth:
If you were lost
I'd search the earth
in hope

Not as easy an exercise as would first appear!

These lines are 'dedicated' to a lovely personal memory of 47 years ago.

Although I am far from happy with their artistic quality.

f.

air: your sweet
young breath
is sweeter
as we kiss.

fire: your blazing eyes
fill me with hot desire.

water: your body is
smoother in the Jacuzzi

earth: If you were lost
I'd search the earth
in hope

Not as easy an exercise as would first appear!

These lines are 'dedicated' to a lovely personal memory of 47 years ago.

Although I am far from happy with their artistic quality.

f.

oops! Sorry for the double posting!


f.

excellent!!!!




>>>Not as easy an exercise as would first appear!

Indeed. I especially like the last... 'search the earth' is wonderful.


poeti(que)

P.S. Did they have Jacuzzis 47 years ago?

You want the short answer, Michael 'the poet(ique)'?

No!

Call it 'poetique' licence!

I thought, after posting it, that the words air, fire, water, and earth should perhaps have appeared in each section. Am I right? Should they have been so? Have I broken the rules?

f.

The slow burn effect of the fire one is very effective, I like that . Very neat.

Waz

I'm so sorry Michael!
I have just realised that I neglected to make comment on your own, original version addressing the challenge. Too busy selfishly trying to show off my own efforts, which aren't half as good. Typical me!
We did discuss the first one though, which you posted standing as a single poem.
Fire and rust, an interesting comparison of the all consuming and ultimately destructive corrosion of Love. Neatly compact writing!
'inside me is your retreat to the sea.' I love this metaphorical passage, waves of sublime passion in the first encounter within a real love relationship. (Oh God, that reminds me, painfully, of her, (D.L.), 47 years ago!)I miss her to this very day! But I love my wife dearly, whom I met sometime later.
And then, passion on the beach. Waiting for one who may never return. That also pricks my heart with 'Remembrance of things past'
Wonderful stuff m. Keep them coming, please!

f.

Thanks for all the nice words. (And thanks even more for joining in the fun!)

No, Ronster, you broke no rules. There was nothing that said the 'words' had to appear in the poems - and in fact, they don't in mine (earth and water) either. And OMG, when you said 'DL' I realized that a good deal of the inspiration for these was a 'DL' (albeit that was first and middle initials) too! Whew!

And Waz... I'm *really* glad you liked 'fire' -- in many ways it is my favorite of the lot. (The overwhelming favorite among the aforementioned 'bohemian' crowd is, so far, 'water'.)

p(oet)ique

[m]

Aha!
'pique'...hits the nail on the head!

I might look at mine again. Do a second version.

Ron

I hope more folks will take a crack at it.
It's an interesting exercise in both word choice and economy, I think.

Here's my attempt:

air:
I feel like I can't breathe
When you are near

fire:
There's heat between us
That burns with passion

water:
I can't help but cry
When I leave your side

earth:
I'm on cloud nine
I don't want to come down

Whaddya think?

great!

especially interesting approach to 'water'!

thanks for joining in.


po(etiqu)e

Glad you like them!

I like them too, Cyzaki. Brilliant!

f.

Ron

and here's a contribution from one of the 'bohemians' present at the birth of the original challenge...
-----------------------------------------------

air - - - - - - - - - - - -

(breathe in)
when will you come back home?



(breathe out)



fire - - - - - - - - - - - -

you / me: combustible combination



water - - - - - - - - - - - -

the moon
in your eyes
pulls me
to and fro



earth - - - - - - - - - - - -

if now were then I’d say
this: I dig you

Air: Is a clever approach.
Fire: Leaves one trying to count the syllables...unsuccessfully!
Water: Such gravity!
Earth: 'Dig'you!! he he!

What can one say!
What was your reaction m.?

f.

Well, in fact, I rather liked them! But then, I would.

(I do think 'earth' is a stretch, rules wise, but certainly good for a giggle.)