h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: How many holes are there in our bodies and do we still need them all. - A3651086
Author: Deeety - U767438

I would like to put up the idea of a Holelessness Society.

Not for me thanks! I suppose we'd be left with lots of little belly buttons where the hole would close up...

I think in the interests of research, you should try closing one hole at the time and let us know how you get on...

Good subject though, and well written - almost convincing!

sprout

I tottaly agree with you sprout, it isn't for me either...

But it makes you think.... We have already accepted genetically modified food and are going towards accepting genetically modified people, even if at first it will be for curing illnesses, etc.

So once we have accepted Genetic engineering then wouldn’t it make more sense to:

Genetically engineer US to eat less rather then genetically engineer food.

This piece may go a long way towards explaining why the little green men are always so eager to probe ones rectum.

I really found this an amusing read, though for some reason I can't fathom the "shrinking of genitalia" portion. I would think that eliminating the needs of eating and such would only leave more time available for sexual gratification, and that would preclude the closuer of any of the orifaces. Call me old fashioned, but I like to use all my senses when engaged in such activity. Like I always say, "If your gonna do it, do it right"

Spynxxx

as ever, Deeety.

Your imagination has some fantastic vantage points. You're no mean writer either.

Thanks!

An interesting idea and i enjoyed the read.

One of my favourite books is "An Alien Heat" by Michael Moorcock. It explores the idea of a society so advanced that there is no such thing as illness, death, bowel movements, wants, etc. People can eat if they want, should the novelty take them. That sort of thing.

The result is a stagnant, amoral society. Without life's difficulties, there is no-longer any need for life - everything is achieved.

It is an interesting thought experiment and I would recommend it to you, i think you would enjoy it.

Yours,

Discus.

I am a little surprised that no one has challenged the number NINE. I did try searching for an official figure but apparently it is one of the few things that David Attenborough has not made a documentary about. Imagine we know all about baboons but we don’t know how many official openings there are in the human body … ask ten different people and you will get at least four different answers…

Spyn, I don’t agree that non eating would increase sexual activity mainly based on the simple fact that 80% of any sexual activity (that I have participated in anyway) was directly after a romantic dinner and a few drinks… Therefore logically no mouth, no food, no dinner, no sex…. besides the fact that kissing and other oral activities would become rather difficult…

I have also added a note at the end of the piece which may explain may current state of mind. I would also remind you all that this state of mind is very close to the state of mind that people entrusted with developing the next generation of humans would be in… I mean when was the last time that a 25 year old stud made a world breaking scientific discovery…. So lets be careful who we entrust to develop the next generation of humans….

I must admit to being mildly concerned... You are 25, yet you profess to "...Being forced fed vegetables, Not being able to smoke anymore, getting older, a little hard of hearing and a general lowering of my [your] libido..."

Does that all happen at 25? I hate to play the naive 21 year old, but I was looking forward to a pretty excellent sexual peak in my mid-twenties.

I suddenly feel somewhat pressed for time...

Uneasy,

Discus.

Yeah, the nine-thing, right...

I did get some way into a post to the effect that nine seems right for a male, but that it should probably be ten for a female, and then I deleted it on the grounds that it was a wholly inappropriate topic of conversation for anywhere outside of 'Ask h2g2'

As for sexual peaks in the mid-twenties, don't get too excited. My crowd are in their forties these days, still cr*p at it, but at least better than they were in their twenties.

I can't remember who I'm paraphrasing, but the idea of a peak in any aspect of life may be wishful thinking. "Life's more of a long, slow drag up a steady incline (with a sharp drop at the end)"

*counts*

Okay female am I.
lower torso body thingy=3
nose=2
ears=2
mouth=1

That's 8...erm...belly button? Does that count? 9...I don't get it! What am I missing?

( I didn't want to ask, Kat, for fear of being answered.)

Eyes, ladies.

(There, that wasn't so bad, was it?)

Are they exactly HOLES? I mean you've got the eyesocket but that's filled with...eye. And you've got the pupil but the area is really filled with...er...gunk *can't remember what it's called...something humour* so...erm...hmmm.

Mine are definitely holes. I can even see out of them

*shakes head* Doesn't work like that though does it!! It's all nerves and impulses and cones and rods

Pah.
As my good friend Jodan would say, Pah.
They must be holes if you can see out of them.
And you can cry out of them too. Can't be all that well filled in, huh?
I say again, Pah.

Ah, like those holes in the house you can see out of?

Well, this has opened a whole new perspective on holes,
but on the whole nobody knows much on body holes
we can't even agree on how many!

Maybe because holes are not made of anything …
By definition a hole is something that isn’t there..

Makes you think… we don’t know much about our own bodies…I mean if we assume that a hole is something that is missing…. And we don’t really know how many holes we have then can we assume that we don’t know what’s missing from our own bodies…

It's certainly pores for thought...

Congratulations deeety. Your ruminations on holes took the fancy of a couple of Miners and have been selected and accepted for the <./>underguide</.>

An UnderGuide Gem Polisher will be in touch for any final revisions or tweakings that you might want to do, or they might want to suggest, before creating a UG copy of the entry to be featured on h2g2's Front Page.

Thanks for the contribution and the entertainment .

Thank you I am delighted and thrilled on this being included in the UG..

On the whole, I wasn’t sure about this piece, I thought it was a little empty and lacked filling, but being published in the UG has encouraged me to try and write the sequel “ As one hole closes another one opens”… Based on the theory that the human body uses opening for all our current and therefore future senses….

Celebrating official recognition of HoleLessNess.
oop's I forgot HoleLessNees people can't drink ...