A Conversation for The Alternative Writing Workshop

A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 1

sunshine247

Entry: Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"? - A991929
Author: sunshine247 - U220495

Hi! I'm one of Mrs.Burnham's students and as an assignment we wrote entries in the style of Adams and submit them to this website. Hopefully you will find the entry amusing and entertaining! Thank you.


A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 2

J

This is pretty well written. You'll want to break it up into smaller sections though, like paragraphs

smiley - blacksheep


A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 3

Tonsil Revenge (PG)

Where's the White Rabbit?






smiley - sharksmiley - whistleGo ask Alice, when she's three feet tall!


A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 4

friendlywithteeth

Hey sunshine247!

I agree with Jodan: this is a good piece, but could perhaps do with a tad of editing.

A little bit of development may also make it a bit more effective i.e. the title suggests some kind of decision to be made. Perhaps you could add the pros and cons into your piece [though obviously not as just a list smiley - winkeye]

Please bear in mind that this is just my opinion, and you don't have to make any changes I suggest: it's a good piece smiley - ok

FwT


A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 5

SomeMuppet

Unfortunately sunshine hasn't posted since march

A good piece that needs a bit of work on it.

Proposed move convo


A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 6

J

Move where?


A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 7

SomeMuppet

sorry move convo back to article


A991929 - Red Pill, Blue Pill -- Reality or "The Matrix"?

Post 8

nadia

Seconded.

N


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