h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Jornada del Muerto - A48861732
Author: dmitrigheorgheni - U1590784

Presumably for The Stretcher. I doubt if I have more to say than this, we'll see.

It's short. I have restrained my usual verbosity.

No pics, since if you can't see it in your mind, I haven't done it right.

That sent shivers down my spine!

Excellent!

I don't think it needs to be any longer. You have captured the moment vividly and the reader can be relied on to understand the context.

Just one quibble. I wasn't sure about the 'blazing ball filled with liquid, green sand.' Has the green sand become liquid?

Thanks, guys.

Yes. The sand has become liquid.

It has also become green.

It will harden and become Trinitite. But it hasn't, yet.

First it has to rain down on New Mexico. Radioactive, of course.

You've heard the expression 'glass parking lot'?

Would you be happier with liquefied sand?

Answered my own question. The sand is now liquefied, with thanks for pointing that out.

Vivid picture, famous, has a story. Good one.

Playing Devil's advocate, does 'it should be' suggest more past than you'd get in a photo/painting? I was trying to think how you'd convey that it should be dark in a painting.

And is even 0.016 seconds still a passing of time?

I didn't know about the colours, it has an awful deauty, doesn't it?

Despite the terms of the competition, I don't see how you can eliminate all passing of time - a heartbeat, a blink of an eye, time for a thought.

Mind you, I'm not one of the judges. They always know best.

Oops

I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. I might think of something else - or maybe my thing's so different that it won't matter.

Anyway. This one is very good. Described just as though you were really there. It makes me want to go and turn the central heating down. In fact, I will...

Central heating, indeed. (We've had the a/c on in the car.)

No time elapses during the story. The *exact time* is 05:29:45:016.

As far as I am concerned, the 'should be' does not imply time, but an observer. An answer to the question, why is this day different from all other days?

The quality of writing in the Stretcher is as good as ever, so!

TRiG.

Tweaked a bit here and there. I think the piece is now about a dozen words shorter.

I think this is superb now.

Is thought really faster than light? Mine seems to move at a snail's pace.

Thank you.

I believe that thought it faster than light - at least, that kind of thought. For me, anyway. At least, experientially, which is why this is here, and not in PR.

I suspect a scientific discussion of the question might get into quantum mechanics...

It's better.

Have you removed a repeated reference to the breadth of your canvas. On a similar note, is the repetition of the exact time deliberate?

Very nicely done

Good WORK

Breadth of canvas a problem?

Yes, repetition is deliberate.

No, breadth of canvas isn't a problem.

Blimey It sent a shiver down my spine. Great writing

Great writing indeed - and enough UG Miners having concurred... well, you know the rest Congratulations!