h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here, dinosaur steak - you just have to hunt it down!
I want !

Here - a delicious dinosaur steak! You just have to cook it...

D´oh! Double post!

(Don't forget to add your own wish!)

The wish was in the first of the double postings, didn't you see it?

Oh, right,

Here - some lovely , made with cold bleach and a dirty sock full of mud.

I want to be more observant

Granted. You are now the butler to Mr Ob. His demands are also sexual.

I wish for low intolerance to wheat and dairy produce.

Granted. You are now a calf.

***

I wish wishes *were* horses.

You are now the proud owner of a Falabella horse - 18 inches high at the shoulder.

I wish I could wake up feeling bright and alert.

You can - but you´ll never wake up again.
I want a better computer.

Here you are - sadly, it's got a Chinese OS and takes up five rooms, being a mainframe... Oh, and no games, strictly for computing.

I wish I'd remembered to bring that board in yesterday

You have. At that time you stopped and remembered that thing, an anvil falls onto you and crushes your bones. So, you can´t bring it in - at least you thought about it.
I want a smiley.

Granted - but it's in a parallel universe!

I want some good

Granted. Unfortunately, the new stuff making every piece of that chocolate an event of taste causes immediately cancer.
I want to own a gold mine.

Granted - but it's full of fool's gold!

I want my cat back

Granted. Unfortunately, there was a typo in the memo, so you get your cat´s back.
I don´t want anymore girl/boybands!

Granted - but the existing ones are now immortal and will be played and revered forever!

I wish the shelves in my room were painted already

Your wish is my command. Your cat is returned in the 4 shoeboxes it was picked up in following the bacon slicer accident.

I wish for decent chart music

BUGGER!

I didn't refresh!

forgive me!

They are now painted - with your BLOOD! *horror laugh*
I want one - no, two - toilets.