h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You know you have too many books when the weight of them and the bookcases makes your floor sink.

4x4's have no place outside the school

I feel sorry for you, but at least you still have your unfathomably large clavicle.

I've got my total of unread print books down to 93, but I still have more than 200 unread books on my Kindle.

i saw a pale blue butterfly today

The windsock has impaled itself on the flagpole again, but the lighthouse is spinning nicely.

It took me twenty five years but I can finally say "Bell Biv DeVoe".

Hogs pudding is preferable to chitterlings

The downloads I've been doing would have taken all week at the old 2400bps.

Nearest store and snotty security guard, or a long trek and nicer branch?

No, I don't know if R2D2 could converse with a Klingon, but if they do I'd rather be down the pub.

It seems like Mercury is forever in retrograde as I am always experiencing breakdowns in communication.

When you wonder "is it me?" bear in mind the answer might be "not this time".

Turtles it's always the f@&£@&g turtles

I have won a small tub of Dolly mixtures at the village social raffle draw. I then came back and had a cup of .

...turtles all the way down...

The cleaning lady did it

My vice is nearly cooked.

Boa constrictor bites are painful, but not usually dangerous to humans.

He gets asked to write the article while I get the dubious fun of proofreading, and a couple of my photos credited. Go figure.