h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"The minister's conservatory is a lugubrious conservatory" is not an acceptable answer, apparently.

When the lights come on I will pretend it wasn't me

I want a loofah the size of the Ritz.

I am rather fond of hedgehogs

Ah!!! Chickweed.

I need a new kettle.

We found him in a ditch. Battered, a bit bruised, and muttering something about being Arthur Mullard.

I wish that the garden fox would stop staring at me

Maybe it wants something from you.

They like treats left for them in areas where they can indulge themselves without witnesses.

I ought to get some exercise but I can't be bothered.

There are no harbours big enough to take the Empress of Afghanistan private yacht

It's a grotty, miserable-looking start to the day here in Warwickshire.

They're putting up scaffolding next door, by the sound of things.

last week I bought solar lights for the garden and this week decided to buy two more sets in the same shop. They had been reduced in price by two pounds and when I asked the shop keeper if he would give two pounds discount on last weeks set of lights he said no even though I showed him the receipt

Yesterday I had a mug of coffee with milk for breakfast, then nothing until mid evening.

Today, I've already had crisps, popcorn in milk, tea, and a mars bar. No eating disorder, this is what a migraine does to eating patterns.

Nearly forgot that I could yell so loudly.

You know you're not awake when you hit Unsubscribe instead of reply.

I've never seen such a terrifyingly frilly petticoat.

When it rains I moan and when it is dry I moan. Ain't no pleasin me
but then I'm a gardener

Will whoever pulled the plug and drained my energy kindly return it?