h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Dear Josie - A32209094
Author: Galaxy Babe - U128652

Neighbours

I love this story. Nice twist. Good use of the emotional palette, too. These people seemed real to me.

Only crit I'd have is to use fewer and's. Break the paragraphs up, a bit. I realise this lady would probably talk like this, but a visual break-up would have more impact on the reader.

Great read, thanks!

Thanks
I've done that

Good read, good story, and yes, the ending's nicely unexpected and the people are real. Well judged length, too.

Didn't notice any excess 'and's, or lengthy paras in this version.

Bill is interesting. He still had his companion, one of his lovely ladies… it makes me wonder if there is duty rather than reality in his feelings there. Perhaps. Perhaps without him even realising.

The letter set-up and frame is very neat.
Thanks for the bed-time story
Waz

Thank you Waz, I had already seen to the excess "and"s and put in more para breaks for the first reviewer it has made it more reader-friendly but at the loss to (the impression of) Josie's rambling thoughts..

GB

Shame to have any losses. Don't know what to suggest though. Josie's coming over as pretty reflective and organised. As indeed I think she was before the letter?

Maybe it would be interesting to move the last reading of the letter into present tense, and show a change in her state of mind? On the other hand, her aim seems to be to be able to read this letter calmly, so perhaps not.

I love this. It's poignant, all too believable and has a good twist at the end.

The version that I've read didn't have too many 'ands' in it. I wondered at first if one or two of the sentences ran on too much, but I think that this helps retain a vernacular style.

One detail: 'whore' not 'hoar.'

There is only one version
I tweaked it after the first comment,
I meant to look up that spelling, I knew it was wrong!
done now, thanks

I know "Fete" has one of those special characters but I can't recall what!

Fête

Hi everyone!

Just dropping in to let you know that this fine piece of writing has been picked for this week's ! The new version is at A40744280 and will be featured on our Front Page tomorrow.

Lil and I both thought it was a fantastic piece of writing, and we're delighted to be able to include it in this issue.

Congratulations, GB, and keep up the good work.

Rich

Thanks!

What happens to this version of the article now? Leave it here?

GB

Can anyone answer my last question, please? Thanks!

If it hangs around on the AWW, it's always possible that it will be chosen to go on the Front Page.

I can't promise, though. It depends on the miners and they're an unpredictable bunch!

Thanks mVp, it's been here over a year and wasn't sure now it's been in The Post, if it needs removing (anyone) just let me know

This can be left here as long as you like... although you might want to take it down in a few weeks because (ta da) it's been chosen for inclusion in the UnderGuide! Many congratulations!

Here's what our QA thought of it:

"...clearly the best of the AWW-styled pieces she's produced, strong in plot and not bad in characterisation either. If you take the trouble to read and ponder, there’s something profound here about the way people are prone to treating their relationships jealously, as if they are possessions."

A Polisher will be in touch shortly Congratulations again!

Oh thank you very much!

Lovely piece, it is so sad, and perhaps all too common a thing to happen. A fair bit of recognition for myself, although different too.

However, as a Swede (or otherwise ignorant...) I don't know what a WI is? Could someone explain?

Hey congratulations! This is a fine piece and you must be quite proud

Thanks Paily

Milla, http://www.thewi.org.uk/ and have you never heard of http://www.lrf.org.uk/en/1/cghome.html

Congratulations, GB!