h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Marvel at the Glutinous Death Ball! - A28002854
Author: an_achromatic_eye - single transverse palmar crease - U8640200

B-feature.

Very funny. And you seem to have spotted several of my doppelgangers: the "seething, wizened, hot, sticky old ladies". I wondered where they'd all gone trolling off to

So glad you survived the Blob!

May I suggest you insert a few paragraph breaks to make it easier to read?

Wotcha Tibley, thanks for reading!

I'm never sure what to do with paragraphs. Should I put a whole line space in where I would normally just press [ENTER}?

Like this?

I worry that reading from a monitor is harder than reading from a page and don't want to over compensate.

Yep. Like that

Assuming it's in normal text (ie not GuideML) you put in two Return/Enter key presses for a paragraph break to leave a space between paragraphs. It makes it much easier for the reader to follow. Doesn't matter if it makes it look a bit longer, if that's what you were worried about.

Thanks for this - funny and alarming together .

Makes you feel you never want to eat a fruit pastel again.

mVp. I hope you don't mind me calling you that.

I put some para breaks in but it's not making it any easier to read. I think it's probably my writing to blame. I will try to rootle out some of the confusionating mega-clauses and replace them with sensible sentences.

Done. Phew.

Thanks guys!

congratulations on an UnderGuide pick, a_a_e: born to drool .

What our QA liked in this, as did those who selected it, was the entertainment in the story, the enthusiasm, description and the freshness. A freshness that is so easily lost when writing of this kind is reworked - making in the kind of piece criticism tends not to improve despite faults in structure and development and so on.

Thank you for this one, a_a_e: born, it's a great story

UGeds

Sweet!

And here is the UnderGuide version:

A40924695

I've concentrated on the format for the most part, though there are one or two bits of tidying as well - hope you approve and do shout out if there's anything you want changing

Well that "firstly... and two" bit was kind of a joke, which I know is a bit wack but I'd like to keep if possible. I like the spacing you've done for the most part and the brackets but I think that after the "spoken of only in whispers as the packing department" break (which is kind of funny in itself ) needs to come back into the main thing again in a more conversational way. I had "I digress" or something, which is pretty bad, maybe just an "Anyway... the pastels etc" Or "Anyway, the pastels etc" Or something...

Also I think there are a few too many breaks in the last bit. There is a reason for this, the paragraphs where supposed to get progressively longer as they went on to kind of induce a sense of building speed and panic.

Thanks for working on it!

*shuffle shuffle twist glue shuffle*

How's that?

Awesome.