h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: A funny thing happened... - A2676620
Author: Solnushka - U138596

KGB infiltrated by Trout

Hey, wow!

I mean, collaborative or what?

And it's good, in spite of the overblown fish-bit. Is there more?

You don't need HIM, Sol. You need me...

Pin

_Former_ KGB, Trout, _former_ KGB. Nevertheles, we of the _former_ KGB would like to state that we have always been appreciative and amused by your decadent Western contributions to the glory of the _former_ Soviet Union. Particularly if they are accompanied by added cola and fries or other interesting stimulants.

Actually, Pin, you have to credit the fish with the whole idea, as it was his delightfully unexpected riposte to the original conundrum which was the inspiration for the project. Procrastination is my middle name.

But, you know we were thinking of soliciting further stories if you want to put your money where your mouth is.

Then I can have both of you...

*wanders off muttering under her breath something about how it must be something about that damn seal, as she is not tempted to indulge in dodgy double entandres by anyone else here...*

piece, waiting for next instalment/alternative.

Are you sure it wasn't the latest wave from the auto industry in the direction of environmental friendliness? Or the upmarket version of the nodding dog. Or perhaps it's for the nodding dog. Your pet cardog, a 21st century model that does everything a real dog might do.

So who'll cultivate the earth-car?

The VW Golf (Fairway) ...

The ultimate in automobiles for golfers - pitch and put on the bonnet.

Go on ... write it!

from just one line? If it sprouts at all I'll give it a go.

Wow, that was wonderfully weird!
You could make a whole movie script from just that short bit!
Do you intend to add to it or do that be it?

I am asking with an posterior motive. I am speaking for the CAC.

Well, intend is a bit strong perhaps... The idea is that we will add to it if people, er, add to it. We would like them to though. *Stares pathetically up the thread at LL Waz*

Okay. Would you like me to leave it alone for the moment or would you like it publicityized a bit?

"Do you trust the police?"
Your jaw drops and your eyebrows fly upward. Perhaps he interprets all this facial agitation as a particularly unco-ordinated nod.

"Well, I don't. This used to be a safe neighbourhood. They've let it go to Hell. I get these kind of people parking outside my house all the time".
He scrutinises the white van aggressively. Two minutes ago, under the sunshine, such an adverb would have seemed incongruous.
"You're not the bastard who nicked my last car, are you?" he suddenly hisses.

"Err...no, actually", you reply, scrambling for some safe ground between guilt-implying politeness and violent outrage. And, of course, you resort to the obvious excuse for staring at this madman's motor.
"I was only looking at it because there's that clump of grass on it", you add, sheepishly.

"So?"

You find yourself leaning backwards, as if the simple syllable is glinting at your throat.
"Well, it is a little unusual", you suggest, in an octave last visited during puberty.

His response is measured and deliberate. Under different circumstances, the tone would reassure, or even confirm sanity.
"The police never turn up when hooligans are poking round my car", he says, "so I have to do something about them myself. The last one had the most expensive alarm I could buy, but they still nicked it".

You begin to understand. "But nobody will steal a car with a plant on it", you chime in, nearly impressed with the idea. "They'll assume that someone's going to come back to collect it at any moment. That's really quite clever".

"Stipa Gigantica", continues the lunatic.

"Pardon?" You dare the questioning intonation, since the hostility seems to have relented somewhat.

"The Golden Oat", he says, evenly. "A very suitable plant for the purpose".

Now you're almost warming to this. "You could use something more threatening, even. How about a cactus?"

His eyes harden, and the sun disappears behind a cloud.
"You're not the bastard who nicked my last plant, are you?"

Oh, superb effort. Really very glad I didn't stop and ask now, after all Anyhoo, you're in. We are now operating a choose your own font system, as my creative flair gives up the ghost when faced with that kind of artistic choice, so please let me know which one you would prefer.

Publicizity is good though. We could do with publicisity. If the others agree.

Okay. I'll see what I can do.
At the very least, your efforts have helped inspire me to crank out
some friction again.
I sat down this evening and cranked out two chapters of a novella that can be found on my personal space.

Ahem...

Please don't offer the repulsive specimen that choice.
He'll only ask for lime-green comic sans.

SYWM

Grass-green, surely.

Go read tr's novella

Now it's BROKEN

, all right.
, even
There's only one tr, that's for sure...

...Aaaargh! My eyeballs have burst!

Ya'll are !

Noosh, you need researcher U183682 in your contributing box ...