h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How long should people date before moving in together? I know there's no pat answer to this. Some people get engaged on the second date and others date for years without ever considering marriage or moving in together or anything like that.

Still, this seems like something people generally have opinions on, so I was wondering if my fellow researchers wouldn't mind sharing some of those opinions with me as I try to figure out what the hell I'm doing.

In case you're wondering...my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. We spend virtually all our time together, and every night together. I'm tired of having two sets of rent and two sets of utilities and I wonder if I'd be jumping the gun to suggest that we merge in order to save our resources and maybe reduce some of the stress of deciding who's place we'll be at on any given night. :P

Any thoughts?

What does your boyfriend think? If you can't agree on something as basic as this you're not right for each other. I assume you are soul mates though and you just have to broach the subject. Draw up lists of pros and cons, if you're that type of person/couple. And of course, tot up the financial benefits. It'll probably make the difference between holiday in Brighton and holiday in the Caribbean.

I haven't brought it up with the bf because I don't want to jump the gun or seem too presumptious.

Go for it. That seems long enough. I would counsel keeping the finances separate as you would with any other flatmate.ie set up a separate account to pay the bills. Likewise sort out who does what chores before you start. I think this works better on a rota than "I always have to clean the loo/take the garbage out etc"
Oh, tell your mother so that she doesn't put her feet into it. Good luck

Seriously, if you have to ask, one of you isn't ready for it yet. Talk it over.

We-ell how about moving out again? My brother lives quarter of a mile from his girlfriend, and they have been together off and on for over 20 years. It works for them. And the only reason I am still with my husband is that we aren't living together just now. But we aren't loves young dream any more, either.

Living together is great for sexual convenience, and it takes at least two adults to rear children and stay sane. But apart from that it is often overrated. I can eat what I want, go to bed and wake up when I want, wear what I want, and if its a mess, its MY mess. If I meditate, no-one disturbs me, if I chant I don't disturb anyone else.

Ignore me - I am feeling crabby about relationships just now. But Wandrin'star is giving sage advice about bank accounts and bills.

Go for it! When they asked Mae West what mistakes she would avoid a second time around she said; "Honey I'd make the same mistakes, but sooner!" And better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. But keep those bills separate!

*In two minds about posting this, but deciding to post it anyway*

If you can manage it, you should each have a room of your own. Then you can still have the fun of going somewhere else to sleep. Possibly, instead of moving in, you should both move to somewhere else. I agree you should be talking about it to him rather than us,but use our hard-earned experience to keep love and money separate. Bonne chance.

I would recommend treading carefully when discussing it with your boyfriend. Moving in is one of those key stages in a relationship and, irrational or not, it can be quite scary as it opens up the whole "where do you see us going in the future" type question.
Once that mental block is surmounted though, living together can have rewards and tirlas - but each couple need to discover and deal with these themsleves...its part of what makes it so fun.

Gol - How did you approach dating/going to bed with/sleeping over with the bf? Could you use the same, or similar approach?

The important thing to work out (as well as who does the bills etc.) is the bathroom timings.
i.e. If you both get up at the same time who gets to use the shower first. This is important because the other person can't really do much until the first person is finished. If you both go to bed at the same time, who is the one whose in bed a while while the other is doing their teeth?

That's easy.
Take it in turns. The person whose turn it is for the second shower leaps downstairs to make tea/coffee and toast and brings it back upstairs to greet the first showered who will do the same for him/her on the morrow. On Sundays whoever is going downstairs has to jog for the Sunday paper as well if it isn't delivered. Consider taking the toaster and percolator upstairs on Sundays!

Woo - complex!
He get up gets throught the bathroom and leaves the house before I even get up in a morning - very civilised
At weekends I get up first and have a bath.He wanders in to keep me company and he has a shower while I put the toast on: we meet up, all bright and shining at the table.
Happy!

Alarm clock goes off - I press snooze and dash over to turn the imersion on before the space in the bed gets cold. Snooze.
Alarm goes off for the second time and she gets out and uses the bathroom while I get another snooze.
Alarm goes off the third time and I get up and iron my shirt by which time the bathroom is free.
Sorted.

Does this maybe sound too radical:
we have TWO alarm clocks!

Dunx - are both of you leaving the house without breakfast? Rethink the choreography Your mother.

Nah - piece of toast and cup of tea with the "BBC Surnrise" news headlines. Which reminds me that its my turn to buy milk and bread

Don't you fit in the shower together?

And two people cleaning their teeth together can be cosy, too.

It's the telly that causes problems.

I don't think the showers are much of a problem. Usually one person likes to get up before the other one does anyway. As far as living together goes, I think that it is not worth the hassle of having to mind the other person's possessions. If you really like each other, you could look into getting engaged or something.
I spend every night with my g/f, either at her house or mine. We're planning on moving in together, but into a larger apartment and only when we get married. We live two km apart and on the same bus line. Having two apartments means that sometimes there is a problem with medicines, clothes or papers being in the wrong house, but it's been getting better lately. The setup offers a nice freedom because in my house stuff goes where I want it and in her house stuff goes where she wants it. There's no argument on that.
And with the advent of the cell phone you never have to miss a call even if you're at someone else's house.