h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

damn straight! join the ASL and fight for freedom!

'you understand I lost my pants on a worm armageddon game. I had the sheep! I thought I couldn't fail!'

(shaithis)

(To sheep "So, how do you feel about farting for your country?"

(Today's Steve Bell cartoon in the Guardian)

"That old lie: Dulce est decorum est pro patrio mori."
Wilfred Owen
(Sheep and gentle it is not to fart for you country?)

Now is the winter of our discontent..."

(Richard III)

"Not Hippy" - note to tricia mcmillan, from Gail Andrews, as conveyed by stupid receptionist.

I certainly will be discontent if everyone is farting!!!


(Me then....for GODS SAKE NO ONE LIGHT A MATCH!!!)

(I don't think you are allowed to quote yourself...are you? that kinda takes the point away, doesn't it?)

"I wasn't born so much as I fell out. That's how much they noticed me"

(Lost in the Supermarket - The Clash)

Well I haven't been here from the start.

Do you think I could leave you lying when I can lie my a*** off too?

(Billy Conolly)

(Firstly, could I remind everybody - this isn't just a random series of quotes. Or at least, the idea is that we all use them in such a way that we end up with a sort of coherent dialogue.)

*Tries to follow Connelly quote... hmm...*

"My whole life has been a tissue of whoppers... I consider myself one of England's finest liars."

(Guess what... "Blackadder")

A tissue, A tissue we all fall down

(Old nursary rhyme about the plague)

Interesting interpretation of "atishoo"...

Hmmm...

"We used to suck on a damp cloth."

(Four Yorkshiremen, Monty Python)

We had to suck on a damp rat...

(Alan Rickman - Four Yorkshiremen in comedy Concert in aid of Amnesty, on't telly t'other night)

"You were lucky, we had to live in a Mcdonalds box in the middle of the M25. We had to get up at midnight, an hour before we went to bed and and eat a meal of our own s**t before we had to work 28 hours a day in the mine where we would have to pay the foreman all our money for the right to work there. And when we got home our father would thrash us to death with his willy."

(okay not an actual quote but a conglomeration of the best bits of the four yorkshiremen skit for Amnesty international featuring Eddie Izzard, Vic Reeves, Harry Enfeild and, or course, the great Alan Rickman.)

(Alan Rickman is god)

'toilet roll? luxury.'

(why can i never remember where any of these quotes came from)

"Does anyone know where the toilets are?"

neil from the young ones, half way through the Living Doll video, by Cliff Richard and the Young Ones, whilst picking nose absently

"it is well known that there is a place out in the great nef where the sun does not shine. This is not on any maps making it hard to find which is awkward considering that lots of people are told to shove stuff here. It is located somewhere between a rock and a hard place."

(not a direct quote but a paraphrase - from many a Discworld book, can't remember which)

"When the master architect who built this house was looking into sewage, he said 'Romeo,' (for 'twas his name), 'Romeo, let's make 'em functional - and comfortable."

(Blackadder - I saw the Amnesty Four Yorkshireman. Rickman was definitely the best part... )

"When asked if the Ankh was clean the citizens replied that any body of water that had been through so many kidneys had to be pure."

(another repeated Discworld quote... and by the way I agree that all you mad people should join the ASL! Go to my page on "The Squirrel Conspiracy." I also agree that Alan Rickman is a genius but I do have to admit that -stone me if you want- Eddie Izzard had the best lines in that sketch in my opinion. All who were involved were great though.)

no quote on this one but I'd just like to say that Rickman was the only person who actually managed to keep a straight face during that whole skit. Quite an achievment.

Well, it's a strong feelings kidney whichever way you slice it...

(Chris Morris, Brass Eye)