h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, it's not my story. Just that I thought I would start a new thread in the same vain as the 'Neglected Entries' Party, Alien Abduction, and 'Abduction Island'.

So sit back in the departure lounge until the plane is ready to take off. Please check in all lougage before entry, and all terrorist, please sit on the left hand side. And thank you for choosing 'Garibaldi's Cattle Craft Airlines'

Welcome to Garibaldi's Cattle Craft Airlines. Here at Cattle Craft Airlines would like to take the opportunity to thank you for spending so much of your hard earned cash to fly with us. We are sure that your trip will be one to be remembered.

Due to the fact that we are having troubles in getting the cows on board, you may have to wait a day or 2 before we board.

Once again, thanks for deciding to fly with Garibaldi's Cattle Craft Airlines, 'Where we know where we're taking you.'

Wowbagger slips in disguised as a cow "Top Secret" style, complete with gumboots.

Where ARE you taking us?

Garibaldi, old fellow. Just popped in to tell you that Abduction Island has generated a new forum, which doesn't take so long to download. As I stated in the old forum: "Another forum gets too heavy. Please continue this debate at Abduction Island II, The Sequel, located at http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=15756&thread=14593" Hold that door, I want off. I'm not going anywhere.

Entire life savings. Right. I've got about $3. I wonder if that's enough. Well, naturally everyone would want me on anyway due to my overall witty and charismatic demeanour.

Good Morning passengers. you may now board the plane. Please move to the back of the plane, and do not disturb the cows. And thanks for travelling with Garibaldi's Cattle Craft Airlines.

Wowbagger, welcome aboard. I hope you will enjoy your trip. As for where we are taking you, that depends on how much Methane the cows produce.

Fenchurch, glad see you could make it. Hmm $3, well that will put you out on the wing, but I will see what I could do. Maybe if you sign this here contract it will be all right to fly inside the plane.

Er Duke, once you're inside the departure lounge, you can't get out. Didn't you read the sign before you entered. I guess you will have to hand over all your money just to fly away with us.

Shazz boards carrying milk pails & a three-legged stool* I'll just sit over here with the cows of thats ok GB?

Geah lucky you remembered, otherwise the captain will have no milk for his coffee. FOr that I will make sure you get a return trip for half the price

Thank you GB..that means that I'll have more spending money when we get......um...there!

That's right, and remember, fly Garibaldi's Cattle Craft Airlines, 'Where we know where we're taking you'.

Oh I should tell you that the in flight entertainment is 'Airplane' or 'Flying High' (same movie, just depends on what country you're from).

Food will be Fish or Chicken. Not sure what it is yet, as I am I still defrosting it.

Just as well I've packed my Walkman then...not to mention of few provisions of my own..and do you want sugar in that coffee captain??
Please do not remember the Rio Grande when we fly over the Alps!...and watch the elephants

A contract? What kind of contract? hmmm...

Oh!!! The entertainment for you're $300,000 plane trip not good enough? Well then I think you can keep milking the cows until they come home.

As for sugar in my coffee, I am rich er.. sweet enough already. So no thanks.

Ah, not to worry about. Just sign it, and oh, you don't expect to die in the next 5 years do you?

In the next 5 years? no.... you mean I can't read it? HEY! Is this Garibaldi's airlines trying to steal Evil Walt Disney's idea?!?!

Garibaldi's Cattle Craft Airlines is a completely owned subsidiary of Garibaldi's Fun and Entertainment (TM), we are no way related to Evil Walt, and do not know who he or she is. If you wish to fly inside the plane, which is you best option, I suggest you sign the contract.

Just in case you're worried, please look at clause 4242: No one in Garibaldi's Fun and Entertainment is, has been, or plan to be the devil, so signing your life away will not affect what happens to your soul.

Please Ms Fenchurch, if you don't sign, we can not take off, and I have to get to Swizterland before the banks close.

How about we make an offer, if you be the head stewardess, then you can fly for $3. Don't say I am ever an unfair man.

*crawls blearily out from under the three-legged stool*

Ooooooh, where am I? And why did someone take my last $2?

Well, I was a bit Wary because I heard of all the people who were scammed by this company called "Garibaldi's Entertainment and Fun (TM)", but I'm sure it's in no way affiliated with Garibaldi's Fun and Entertainment, and that clause makes me certain of it. I'll sign, and become head stewardess, just because I like those salty peanuts.

Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have I will give you...
Hmm, that would be a deck of Magic the Gathering cards, a used harmonica, and, oh yeah, a lump of putty I found in my armpit. Where were we going again?

Say, is that Bessie? Wow!

*Heard over the radio* How the heck is one supposed to get rich and famous, and set up a tax exile when all I get is $2, and $3, or playing cards. They are as tight as I am, and that is saying something. Just wait until they need drinks during the flight.

What?

The radio is on?

Quick, get out there and give them free 'coffee'.