h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi lantern24
I am part of the h2g2 welcoming crowd of guys and girls, called ACEs. A number fellow ACEs have read your page with interest but because they could not find the words to reply to such a moving piece - they did not leave a message.

Well, you certainly have your heart on your sleeve and as so many others in the past who have found themselves in the same position, it is difficult to see a way forward.

I not sure you are going to like what I have to say but here goes:

I am going on what you have written and also the underlying things you may not have said.

The beautiful girl of your dreams has chosen not to continue the relationship, maybe because she is not ready to commit herself to anyone, or because you are not the man of her dreams. Whatever the reason, she will now find your overtures as embarrasing, therefore you are in a no win situation.

It seems to me from your writing, that you have not only fallen head over heels for this angel but have become obsessed with her. Although love is acceptable, obsession is not.

Many women are flattered by the amount of attention given to them but sometimes too much attention can feel rather constricting. You may see it as being the way of showing your love but the woman may see it you trying to control her. She had a life before meeting you and you wanting to be with her every minute available, for her, could be too much too soon.

"My Love, Please love me".
You cannot make someone love you just because you want it to be so, it has to be a two way thing. One way love hurts, and not a position to be envied.

Where do you go from here ?

You could see her and say "You know I love you and I know you do not feel the same way","but I would like us to stay friends if that is alright with you".

The problem with this is that I feel you may not be able to accept it, It will hurt a lot and you could be seen as being just her lapdog. You will find you cannot stay away from her and once again could be viewed by her as you trying to take control.

The wise thing to do, would be to accept it will never go anywhere, lick your wounds and do your best to get on with life. You may feel there will never be another for you at this time but you never know what is around the corner.

How do I know ?
Like many others - I have been there - got the T-Shirt and seen the film.
I am now married to the greatest woman I have ever met but had to get over the self pity, deppression and the feeling of worthlessness first.

Please bear in mind these words I have given here are thosed based on logic and I have never found logic to solve an emotional problem.

Perhaps not quite what you were hoping for but I wish you all the best for the future.
I am here if you want to talk.

vegiman (ACE)

I fully agree with vegiman! However I have some questions for you: In reading your entry it doesn't sound like you and this girl ever talked about your feelings for each other. We know how you feel, but has she ever said how she feels? Obviously she feels good when you're buying her things, but what about the other times? Have you had a heart-to-heart talk with her about where the relationship was going?

At this point (unfortunately) I think it's too late to talk things out. Her actions have shown you how she feels. Which is unfortunate for you. Had she just said how she felt several months ago, some of your pain could have been alleviated. If she felt the same way about you that you do about her, she would want to spend all of her free time with you. That said, I also think it's time to move on.

Michele

I agree with everything you say, michelle, and everything vegiman says except for one thing. I believe that the most fulfilling love IS an obsession. It seems inhuman to always want to remain cool and in control. But, maybe that wasn't what you were talking about.