My Love, please love me!!
There has to be a way to find out what it takes for someone to love the other.
This is where I come in. I have been in totally awe of this one person in my life. Now it has been over seven months now that she has been all that I have wanted in my life. In this time I have been promoted in my job, celebrated many hollidays and none of the other special days that would noramally be great have, and none of it has meant anything to me. Without her by my side I have had little joy in the life I am leading.
To give a little background on this let me start from day one and give a few details on the months that lead till today.
This all started one day that I was at work and was meeting some people from work for lunch and that was the first time that I saw her. She is about 5' 5" with light red hair and the best smile that I had seen in years. Now of course I am a little bias in saying that. No she was not one of the people that I was going to have lunch with. She just happend to be passing in the halls when I saw her, and at that moment I thought to myself that I must know her name. So later that night as I arrived back at the my building to drop off some equipment before I headed home. I saw that she was still working and the fact that she worked right there under my nose amazed me. Had I been so involved in my day to day routine that this person could have been right there in front of me the whole time? So that is when I knew that I needed to take a chance and get to know her. Now I have not been in love with any one or let anyone into my life for about five years. I have had many bad relationships and I just let it go for so long that i did not even let it get to me. It was the thinking that not having anyone was better thatn having someone kill a little part of me when they leave.
After a few days of talking to her just in passing I gathered up enough courage to ask her out. I knew that I was way out of my league witht this one, but she agreed to see me. We talked and laughed and it was the best time I could had with anyone. She held my had as i drove and gave me a kiss for nearly every red light or stop sign that we ran into. Of course I took the back roads so that we did hit alot of them. The night was great we had dinner and saw a movie, and she really wanted to spend time with me so we needed to find something to do so that the night would not end. Well where I live there is thsi set of Railroad tracks that are supposed to be haunted so that is where we went. Now we were there alone but not for long it is a rather busy area that has alot of people that go there for that reason. Well to make things short the copos came by and stopped the other cars that were there going over the tracks the same as we were but we got lucky. So we took off past them and never looked back. Dinner, a movies and almost getting arrested. What more could anyone ask for.
Moving ahead in the stroy from just before Holloween to December. We had been....Well I had been on cloud nine thinking that this could be the one. From all that we had talked about and all that we had shared I was thinking that we were looking for the same thing. Someone to spend the rest of our lives with. She had said and did all the right things that made me drop my defences and the walls that I had put around my heart. I was now completely and totally in love with this girl with no safety net.
So the amout of time that we were able to spend with one another was increasing and the thought of spending even more time with this problem was oh so great of a feeling. Well a month or so passes and we are now in December or late November. While shopping for Chrismas gifts I felt like I was where I belong. By her side. Thinking that with all that has been between us that there is no better time to tell her just how much she means to me I decided to let her know that I love her more that she will ever know. So since this was something that I had no doubt about I decided to tell her. Ok, here we are riding the escalator down to one of the lower levels of the department store I truned to her, who was one step behind and up from me, with her hand on my shoulder and asked her "Do you Love Me?". She smiled and that was but for just a second then she said nothing. At this point I felt that maybe she was scared to say that she did think that maybe I was not in the same point in this as she was. It was nothing that got me worried so I told her that I loved her and her responce was "already?". (ouch!)
This was something that I was not taking all that lightly . I mean that I had not said thoes words all that freely ever in my life, and this more than any other time in my life I did know that this was something that was really real. "Yes!" I said with all the confidence that a person in love has since that is the best feeling in the world that anyone could have. Those words had not been said in a little more than five years. Well that is not altogether true since I do tell my parents and grand parents that, but that is another type of love. This love makes you feel like there is nothing that could bring you down as long as you have that one person in your life that no matter what they will be there. However, when the one person that you think that is right there with you says nothing close to what you you were thinking that you would hear, you can't help but have a little part of you die.
Taking it in stride I just thought that or should I say that I made the excuse that she could just be shy about the subject. Well that was about the extent of that since the day was going so well and I did not want to risk the rest of it. Well the discussion of that topic took place later that night. She told me that she wanted to take things slow. So that is what I had to do, well that was not a problem since this is a girl that I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with so I thought that would not be that big of a problem. Unfortunatly, her idea of taking it slow was to completly stop everything between us. Once again I made the excuse at the time to pass it off that she was getting really busy picking gifts for Christmas. Now I figured that after the hollidays things would be back to normal. So with that is mind I planned a big day for Chrismas and New Years.
Now the day that I have been waiting for was finally here. So I finally get to talk to her and this is a day that should be in a festive mood. After giving her the gift that I had for her she smiled and looked at me and at that moment I saw the women that I had fallen for. She then gave me a kiss to show that she really liked it and I also felt that it was that she liked me. Little did I know that that would be the last time that I would kiss her for the next four months. So that means that I did not get to see her for New Years.
In this time frame of the next four months Valentines day fell in there. Me being totally infatuated with her I planned to send her a dozen roses to her work and that did not work out. I will keep from mentioning the company that mnessed that day up for me. Well I tried to send her the roses (pink roses) but they never got delivered so I need to show her that I loved her. There was no way that I could not let the day go by without showing her my love for her. So I rushed here and there just to find some roses to take to her. Finally I found some and then I hand delivered them to her. I told her how much I loved her and that she was everything to me. (no kiss) =-(
Moving along now we are in June and I have just had a birthday and just the thought of spending time with her was all that I had going on for that day. We went to a book store so that I could get a book that I had been wanting for sometime now. She is also a well read person so there were a few books that she wanted. So I bought them for her and the book that I wanted. That was just a few hours after I got off work and just the same as when I first met her I was so nervous just to see her. I dropped her off at her house and at this point I felt that maybe just maybe we could start taking it slow. So we said our goodbye's and at this time I tried to give her a kiss. She turned her head and saying that she was sorry. After that I told her that I still loved her just the same, if not more than I had ever. The only gift that she gave me was letting me hold her hand and that was enough. She means so much to me that I was happy with that.
So what I need to know is. Am I just holing on to this idea of us or is this true love... I don't know. I have had several offers to go out with other people and that is or has not even been anything of interest to me. Every moment of everyday she is on my mind and that is something that I have tried to get over since that is nothing that she wants, but she is all that I need in this world.
Am I a fool in love? Can true love prevail? I am out of answers because I still have all the questions.I just need alittle help....
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