h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Imagine the full horror of living in a 'Big Brother' state. All the population does all day is sit around talking inanely about themselves, whining about their problems and drinking, while the government desperately tries to get them to shag. Once a week a large chunk of the population is kicked out, and has to go live in France. All your daily activities are commented on by that super-annoying voiceover guy. You are liable to be spied on in the shower by thousands of perverted net-geeks. Terrifying stuff...

*Geordie accent* 'Day 28: The county-mates have nominated Birmingham and Essex for eviction!'

If that were to happen everyones IQ would drop below thirty. Er, isn't Sherlock Holmes related to Heinstien?

I think I'd emmigrate!

*Geordie accent* "Day thirty-six. Manchester 'as not spoken to London for three days, followin their argument over the shoppin list. The Mancunians wanted lager an' pizza; London wanted walnut oil and pita breads."
is watching you.

'Day 42: America is called to the diary room'

'America, Big Brother rules clearly state that contestants are not allowed to attempt to influence the decisions of other worldmates. Attempting to get Britain to vote against other Euromates on issues that affect your exports and shopping budget is against the rules, even if you are the only flatmate on the rich side at the moment. This is your 2nd strike. Is there anything else you want to talk about, for instance your using up all the cooking oil and the ensuing argument with the rest of the house?'

'Mah, fellow Americans...'

Day sixty: camera pans to chicken run....

"honorable members of parliament".....