h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Alright you two, enough of that!

Talk about totally lowering the tone of a very intelligent and compassionate thread - you ought to be ashamed of yerselves . . .




az

>Talk about totally lowering the tone of a very intelligent and compassionate thread - you ought to be ashamed of yerselves . . .>

Sorry! I do it all the time... at least this time I did it on my own thread.

I've got more thoughts on topic, but haven't had the time to put them together and type them all out, if you know what I mean?

Still keeping the tone low...

I hear the Judge in Angouleme is a w----r.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/guardianpolitics/story/0,,1583439,00.html
(2nd to last bullet point - near the bottom of the page)

Oh, my. One has to wonder, what kind of case was he hearing?

I love his response:

** "I am curable and readaptable," he insisted. "But," he went on in an outburst of honesty, "as what, I don't know."**

Hmm; It's a small town this, i shall try & find out which of the many many Philippe's this is; Z surname huh??? If i could get up the wretched steps i would even go to the Palais de Justice & find out.

But possibly the poor guy was prosecuting a case involving video victims, i mean come on, poor male frogs are smaller than the females & to have nasty folks getting all this down on film is enough to make anyone do a quick check that he is still able to hold his own.

http://www.dauphinecreations.com/pix3/atom.jpg



zdt

I've still not completely gotten my thoughts together on what I've been meaning to add to this thread. I've been doing some reading ("The Culture of Narcissism" and "The Culture of Complaint" have proven most enlightening!) over the past couple of weeks, and have gleaned a few ideas which resonate so well with personal experience, I'd like to comment on them here. *But*, what I wish to express is going to take time, if it's going to come out right, and I've been short on time for several days.

What I will add now, because it's pertinent to stuff we're all dealing with now or have dealt with in the not-too-distant past, is that I don't think that any human being, be it a parent, friend, lover, or whatever, can be held responsible for another person's sense of self-worth or lack thereof. One's sense of self is one's one responsibility, and the sort of person who fixates on others, then aggressively demands their attention and support in every little aspect of their life, even interests and experiences that are not shared, is a deeply disturbed person who is in desperate need of serious psychiatric care, and possibly medication. There's absolutely nothing that anyone else can do to help this kind of person... it will never be enough.

Probably true. But when they play the "But i am depressed" all encompassing get out clause it's difficult, because clinical depression is a real illness & a horrible one & the person who has it usually simply cannot get out of it without help; but one of the symptoms is often denial that it is proper medical help they need.

Having got off the antidepressive & anxiety meds cold turkey (NOT at my insistence; or indeed suggestion!) when we first met, he is now firmly convinced that "all he needs is real"

He gets love in bucketfuls; but it's wearing me down & so he is getting less & less demonstrations of this 'cos i am simply too tired to give 100% to him 100% of the time & recieve maybe 6% back when he is in a good mood (or ) Diminishing returns here! I end up shouting at him out of sheer frustration, which is then of course taken as " You don't really love me!"

Having stuck with him for 9 months; i think most rational people would assume i am not doing this as some sort of research project; nor am i in fact utterly desperate for a man; *if* i put my mind to it, i reckon i could "get" a man within 24 hours; so logically i must be with him because i love him. He just doesn't get this point. Rationality in emotional stuff is one of the first things to go in true depresive illness.

It's mainly i suppose a question of whether you truly do love the person enough to see beyond the screwed up behaviour they exhibit because of the illness & believe in the real person underneath & also have the energy yourself to carry on until they come through it. Most people give up. Then the depressed person has yet another emotional failure to beat themselves up with.

zdt

>It's mainly i suppose a question of whether you truly do love the person enough to see beyond the screwed up behaviour they exhibit because of the illness & believe in the real person underneath & also have the energy yourself to carry on until they come through it. Most people give up. Then the depressed person has yet another emotional failure to beat themselves up with.<

Not necessarily true. Of course, I wasn't speaking of people with clinical depression, but of people who just really have martyr complexes and poor attitudes. But, it's true to some degree of 8some* clinically depressed people, I imagine, as well, that screwed up behavior is sometimes nothing more than manipulative.

And sometimes the real person underneath nasty behavior is just a nasty person- you and I were formerly acquainted with a person like this, I think you'll know who I'm talking about. Underneath the nasty behavior, was nothing more than a terminally spoiled, narcissistic brat.

If a person is genuinely ill, then perhaps loving them can help. if a person is merely a professional martyr, then you'll never be able to love them enough, and you'll never get one iota of love in return.

Terri- sound like anyone we know? A former mutual "friend", who left here a year and a bit ago when I got tired of helping at the expense of my own well-being?

"A Three-Factor Model of Psychopathy

Arrogant/Deceitful Interpersonal Style

Glibness/superficial charm
Egocentricity/Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/Manipulative
Deficient Affective Experience

Lack of remorse or guilt
Callous/Lack of empathy
Shallow affect
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Impulsive/Irresponsible Behavioral Style

Need for stimulation/Proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Lack of realistic, long-term goals
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility"

Maybe some people just need a different kind of help from what we are capable of offering? We're not shrinks, Terri-wooh.