h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Upon looseing his password and user name (forgetting it, I have now remembered)I discovered that for the last two years, while I thought I was coping very well, I had in fact just shoved the whole thing under the carpet. Somehow if a pretended everything was fine, and didn't acknowledge his death then that one thing would keep him alive.

Then saturday night the whole thing hit me like a speeding freight train!!!

I drank far too much, (sorry if I upset anyone) and didn't sleep very well I Kept going over and over things in my head.

What if I had been able to go that night, I would have lost a friend instead of a brother (that made me feel really guity for thinking it but I just couldn't help myself) . Dale ringing from the hospital, just barely holding it together, going to the hospital and been shown to the "family room" where Deb (friend not sis) and Dale where waiting, I knew as soon as I walked in that room and saw them that he was dead, no-one had been to say so but I knew. Dale looked liked he'd aged about 40 years and deb just couldn't stop shivering, she was still wareing a blanket the ambulance men had given her.
When I walked in they both looked up hopeful that I had heard something.

I remember when the doctor came, listening to what he was saying but not hearing, Dale walking out unable to cope, deb falling apart right in front of me. I had not rang my dad, sister and brother yet so I had them to tell.

I did think about telling them over the phone as it would have been far eaiser on me, but I went to see each one in turn, Dad first. That was far easier than I thought, although very upset he just hugged me, and made us both a cup of tea, he even offered to tell the others but I said that I would do it, My Dad wouldn't have this, so we got ourselves sorted and did it together. We went to my oldest brother's first, He nodded and said right ho, and asked us to tell him when the funeral was (he does not show much emotion and plays his cards close to his chest). We then went to my sisters. This was the worst, she completely broke down, this got to my Dad who had to go and have a minute before he could talk to her. I knew that this would be bad as she was very close to him.

Any back to the present, when I got up on Sunday morning I felt liked I'd been through a mangle I probs looked like it to.

And I don't know whether I feel any better but at least I've started walking the walk and that open wound that I've been walking around with for the last 2 years has at least started to heal.

The loss of anyone close to you can take many, many ways to manifest itself in someone.

The loss of my father last year (just over 12 months ago) is a strange one....we all learn to cope in our own different ways, and you will find how to deal with the loss of your brother in your own way too.

Lean on those who can take your weight, as quite often, they will be the ones who can help you come to terms.

Have you been to see your brother? Have to spoken to him? Being able to say things to him now that he isn't here might give you closure. You will always miss him, no matter what, but just being able to have somewhere to go when you want to talk to him works wonders.

My father hadn't been in my life for quite a few years when we learned he was ill. We only had 2 or 3 weeks in which to come to terms with it before he died. It didn't give us much time to "accept" why my father didn't come to see us, but that is all in the past now. I do still have angry moments with him and I curse and swear quite a lot, but I've got a close family and my step dad is great, which gives me the support I personally need to get through this.

You have your family and friends....and of course, hootooers who know you.....the best thing to do is to have a bloody good cry, which from what I can make out, is something that you may have done over the weekend.

We're all here for you you know. No matter how long ago a loved one has died, you will never forget them.

He had his ashes scatered at the crem, (my dad doesn't believe in weeping over gravestones says it just encouages you to cling to the dead instead of letting them go) I have been down there, about a month or 2 after he died but I don't know never really got any thing from it. I also still have his other bike which I'm surposed to be selling but just can't bring my self to do it

I do admit to hating cremations. Although burials are harder to deal with at the time, I can cope easier with them afterwards.

I would be inclined to keep the bike as a reminder to your brother

It may seem like a tough thing to say cal but perhaps you should sell the bike. In many way's your Father is right not just about where Tuc's physical form rests, but also your memory manifestations, the bike is a good point in question.

Grief is, as VV says a long drawn out and complex emotion,often the more we love someone the longer it lasts. The world just seems wrong without them, despite their lack of presence, the universe seems to have just closed around them,we still feel them in our hearts, still look around in the street or familiar places expecting to see them.

I think you're starting the journey out of it now, and we are all here for you, don't think of us as emotional crutches or false limbs, think of us more as zimmer frames to help you walk tall again when you remember all of the good times with Tuc and some of the bad.

Take care, and keep passing the open windows.

I might want to climb in

Advice from one person will differ from another....at the end of the day, we're all here for you

Believe me if I could get rid of the thing I would

What kind of bike is it?

fireblade

600CC?

900

hmm....what part of the country do you live?

ie, how far away from Chester?

Doncaster

But I can't part with it

Then keep it hunny.

What I would say though, is "put it to bed" (The bike I mean). Take out all the oil and petrol, if there's any still left in there, and take off the battery.

If/when you want to use it or sell it, it isn't difficult to set it back up again.

Tis done


Knowing I couldn't sell it I did that first off, Dale said I should've gone for a ride on it but I'd just feel funny

I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not. Like I said earlier, we all have our own ways of dealing with it.


Just been on the phone to mum...oh, Cal

I don't think you're surposed to sit on the phone VV you might break it