h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Economic report on Iraq from Iraq and how George W. and Tamagotchi-toys have caused this.

The ongoing war in Iraq has caused severe trauma, massive body counts and scurrying into holes by small furry animals. Now you might ask : “What is economically speaking so bad about this?”Well I do know and you don’t so pay attention and not the rent.

The massive body count and scurrying into holes cause severe trauma for the small furry animals, which in turn causes severe weight and hair loss.This is bad because this is a major source of food and clothing for the native Indian Shamans of Iraq. If these shaman warriors cannot feed and clothe their people, the people will start losing faith in their divine abilities, which in turn means that the native tribes will stop importing millions of Tamagotchi each year. Looking at the bilateral aspect of currency trading, this will lower the demand for the Japanese Yen relative to the Iraqi money unit. This will be a huge setback for the Japanese NoLaafTama-WorlDomination-project because their main export is Tamagotchi and the Indian shaman have huge influencial powers in other countries.

Before I continue I must first elaborate on this project by the ever so prolific Japanese inventors. Because the space-time continuum is bent, the Japanese want to fix this. The project is highly confidential but what I do know is that it involves the binary programming of
illusive keys. The project’s main objective is to artificially “grow” a Japanese citizen incapable of fascination with electronic devices, mass euphoric consumer rampages, and being extremely amusing to Americans. Success in this project will mean that because Americans don’t have a Japanese culture to find comic relief from anymore, the nation’s depression level will increase exponentially and this will cause a rate of suicide higher than a lemming cliff-picnic. This will mean that the East will be the strongest world power and that infiltration by Tamagotchi will go unchallenged. And this means that attention will be divided by infinity because the colossal number of Tamagotchis will need feeding.

Now back to the point. This will be extremely bad (not the good kind),because after astute observations contemplated with austere perspicacity,I believe that not only can a man be judged by the company he keeps, he can be judged by those he leads,and if your leader is George W.,then you must be an idiot as well. (I am unable to elaborate on the source of this information as it is extremely confidential and missing).What all of this implies is that because George W. is an idiot,the world will inevitably end in a horrible devoid of any sense of responsibility kind of way.
Be aware,be warned and be informed.

The honourable and vaguely eligible :
Lord Gorbie Leuvenick Vurkmoord Jarkensen

Greetings Vurkmoord, that is an interesting theory .

I'm sure this can be included in the next business supplement of the AGG/GAG/CAC. By someone. And if not by someone, then by someone else (and if not by them then me. Good new material is always welcome). As you say, we all need to be aware, warned and informed.

Welcome to h2g2, by the way.
Waz (part time CACist)

PS Tamagotchi toys - do they exist? I should probably know, but I don't.

PPS no lions in your backyard?

But there are really big trees with vines hanging from every branch to swing on aren't there?

Greetings Mr.LLL

I am glad to inform you that if this will be included in any form of media that is included or not within any other form of media, I will be glad.

I will however be even more aroused if I am informed of when,where,how and for which reason it is included in a form of media that is excluded from another form of media.

I originally submitted this as an entry to the guide and not the underguide,however the recipients were less impressed than the pope at a homosexual sex orgy,seeing that they are just a bit more serious than David Hasselhoff about himself.

Oh and yes,the vine-transport system works quite well.But I suspect it's usage will subside seeing that our brightest engineer has invented a horribly complicated piece of machinery for transportation.I think it's called the Whool or the Whaal or something.

Anyway
I must be off like a Jewish foreskin.

Oh dear, the whools and whorls of the multinationals get every where .

"less impressed than the pope" yes, I can imagine. But "more serious than David Hasselhoff about himself"? Now you're just exaggerating!


"I originally submitted this as an entry to the guide and not the underguide..." h2g2 has grown into a pretty complicated site.

I don't know how much you know/want to know but in case you don't and do I'll try some explanation. (It all relates to "when,where,how and for which reason..." which you're probably regretting asking by now.)

When you posted at the top of this thread you actually submitted your piece to the AGG/GAG etc and I can't remember what exactly those initials stand for. However the latest incarnation of AGG/GAG is the CAC-C, an explanation of which can be found on U187783. To summarise though it's run by a few h2g2 researchers who collect pieces, like yours, and put them into pages to feature in h2g2's weekly .

The UnderGuide, (HQ at A1103329), is more formal. Still run by volunteer researchers but with h2g2 staff involvement and UnderGuide pieces get featured directly from h2g2's front page. To submit entries for consideration for the UnderGuide they need to be submitted to the Alternative Writing Workshop in the same way you submitted this originally to Peer Review. Ie by using the 'submit entry' button on the entry and then selecting the AWW.

As for when etc regarding featuring in a CAC Continuum piece in - there are a number of us who put those together. One of the others might come along and pick this up any time. As I said before, if they don't I will. But it wouldn't be for at least a week as I'm going to be off line all next week.

Whenever it is someone will let you know beforehand.

There's an archive of CAC C features here -> A2198045 if you want to see what this particular media looks like.

Current entries in the Alternative Writing Workshop can be found at http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/RF5 (I can never remember the shortcut for that one).

If you want to know more...just ask. How new people find their way round here these days I don't know. It was all fairly simple when I got here.

Waz

PS it's not 'Mr', not that it matters on the www, in my opinion, though I know others think different.

I think it's <./>WritingAlternative</.>, but I may be wrong about that. I only really know about the <./>Underguide</.> link, oh, and <./>thePost</.>. I also think that just typing RF5 will do, though that may have stopped working since the last few server updates.

Barely been here a year (one year and two days) and still trying to figure out this madhouse. Good luck and I hope you stick around.

By the way, Waz, what's the third 'L' all about?

Just checked and neither AWW link works. Darn. Guess I'll have to look that one up one of these days, or just pop on by PR, where they love to send entries our way. The AWW way that is.

thanks for the reply.It is good to know that people actually reply to postings even though I am more perplexed than before about the workings of this site now.Well Mrs. or Ms. or just M. (To imply neither male nor female but only to prove that the person's name following the title is actually a human being)LLL, I'll be hang around.

"just pop on by PR, where they love to send entries our way." Are you suggesting submitting to PR that as a route to the AWW? Now that's just ...sneaky .

The extra L is a limpet I aquired while on holiday. It's now LimpetLooselyLately.

hmmm, that makes it MLLL. Which looks like some kind of Roman date.

I'm not sure it's a safe assumption that all the entities around here are human, mind.

I have this terrible pain in all the entries down the left side of my personal space.

Actually I was thinking of stopping by PR to figure out what the wording on the AWW link is supposed to be as they like to tell people to submit there, but annoying them as a route to the AWW is pretty sneaky. Maybe more sneaky than me.

Thanks for the explanation on that extra 'L'. I was beginning to get rather confused.

Yes indeed I agree it's not a very safe assumption to make.I have an idea: I'll put another title in front of the original title but I'll make the new title nothing. Like this : Mr.Smith.This is to illustrate the futility of the being's existence.

Vurkmoord, my apologies - I should have dropped by before to tell you your economic report was in this week. It will be there until Thursday when the next issue is put up. After that it will be in the Post's archives however. The Post page is A2997093.
Cheers and thanks for the contribution,
Waz

cool thanks,I've been really busy these last few weeks writing tests,doing assignments and completing by fermentation of suicidal tendencies theory,so today is the first day I have to actually check it out.

blurghh!