h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is not an easy one. I know someone who all his friends are convinced has a problem. Unfortunately he does not seem able to admit it to himself. We have tried various methods, including betting him he can't stay sober, and they all work, for the duration of the bet/rant/what have you. But afterwards he promptly returns to his old ways. Would love to know if anyone has any suggestions.

My mum was a acholholic

The thing is they can never see they have a problem then when they can't ignor it any longer they blame everyone around them for that problem.

The only thing you can try to do is not get drawn into their mind games, do not accept the blame thinking you are making it easier on them, point out that you are not holding a gun to their heads and forcing them to drink they do that all by themselves.

The following a tale of caution

My mom had had several falls and had done quite a lot of damage to her head. She was so drunk one day she fll down the stair and really bashed her head, she had to go into hospital and a blood clot formed on her brain. She could not be operated on as she had pernisous animea which causes the blood not to clot properly so the doctor wanted to wait until the clot had hardened so he could do a much smaller operation where he would just be able to such the clot out.

My Dad got a call from the doctor on the tuesday morning syas that the presure had built up to such an extent in moms head that he had to operate he was still hoping to do the smaller operation.

He went ahead and on tuesday night we went to see her. When we got their the nurse was tickling moms feet to check for respose, she was responding to it (before she could't feel any thing) so I got really excited the nurse said she was not out of the woods and not to get our hopes up.

When we went to see her on wenesday they had her sitting up in bed which was fantasti. But on thursday we got a phone call asking us to go to the hospital straight away as mom was very sick. When we got there they had taken all the machines off her and she just had a tube draining fluid off her head and a tube up her nose draining off what looked like blood.

We asked what was wrong. Acholhoics get varicous veins on the inside of their throats, these had burst, there was nothing the doctors could do (Moms but not clotting properly) and she basically bled to death not a pleaent way to die.

We got to the hospital at 8pm she died at 5am friday morning.

well done
that must be a very painful entry to write-and I am sure it will help other people to understand some of the dangers associated with alcholism.

it wasn't too bad she died about 2 and a half years ago

When she first died I would lie about the fact that she was an achocholic and tell people she died of a blood clot to the brain

But then I thought why should I be embarrassed my mom had a desease and it is no reflection on me. And don't be mistaken acholhism is a desease, asking someone like that to stop drinking is like asking them to stop breathing. You need to be paient with them encourage them when they are not drinking but don't expect them to suceed first time because they probalby won't, some like my mom never suceed.

I like the headline of this thread.

There ARE NO easy answers - but many clichés, a lot of prejudices and innumerable 'good' and 'plausible' explanations.

And Dax is painfully right. It is very difficult for an abuser of alcohol to admit that he or she is one.

I am presently in treatment for alcohol abuse. And still I do not see myself as an alcoholic, incurable or unwilling to change my habits - at least. It is SO difficult to admit that there are factors in life, you cannot control and thus not help yourself. Fix it. Like 'you' do with everything else.

So. I would ask everyone who knows somebody who drinks to much, to break "the news" to them. In a proper way of course. Respectfully, but also seriously. Explaining how YOU feel. What you see and what you wish for this friend, colleague or family member of yours.

Being in the muddle and in the middle of everything as I am right now makes it very difficult to contribute shortly and effectively. It is about coping with life, relationships, experiences and basic emotions.

To me alcohol is a 'time-out' - a way to shut down the brain/'wrong' emotions - an enhancer of good and loving senses. Alcohol inspires and opens up (you can even speak very foreign languages) and a way to let out compiled and compressed 'steam'.

So what I - (and maybe others) - have to learn - is to realize what I feel and what I wish for - react on the emotions and wishes - with respect for oneself and others.

An abuser of alcohol is a person who's abuse create emotional and social problems for the abuser and dependant people - the family for instance. Is my definition.

In Denmark the Health Council in week 40 campaigns against abuse. The mantra/borderline is the equivalent of 14 normal beers a week pr. woman, and 21 per man.

WHO's definition of Dependency of Alcohol:

If you have 3 of the following 6 symptoms:

1. An urge, need or lust for alcohol.
2. An increasing usage (tolerance)
3. Abstinences (restlessness, unease, fast pulse, sweat...a.s.o)
4. You continue to drink allthough you know the negative consequenses.
5. A slighter interest in the social world surrounding you - because of alcohol.
6. Loss of control (to continue to drink although you have made the decision 'not to')

This is translated from Danish into English. There must be a proper English version.

The first time I read these 6 statements I felt 'not guilty'. Untill someone put more words to them.

I could ramble on for hours. Feel free to ask. And I'll try my best.

tartaronne

the trouble is though-no matter how gently you break the news as you say, the drinker (or whatever type of sufferer if thats not an insulting word)
gets so embarrassed and angry it's very hard---it's difficult not to become a nag-difficult to know when to stop/when to press on...
and it's ok once the person is getting treated-it's that in between bit...
It is such a shame-because the person who is over doing it can be oing themselves so much damage.

A POEM BY DAX

I LOST MY MUM TODAY

I lost my mum today
It's for the best I hear people say
But they don't understand she's still my mum
And deep inside I feel so numb

I lost my mum today
On the crisp white sheets she lay
I couldn't even say goodbye
Not with death standing so close by

I lost my mum today
I'm trying to keep the tears at bay
Will I remember all the good things
Or just the pain that alcohlism brings

I lost my mum today
I turned my back and she went away
Do you think she looked back and checked
Thant I wasn't left stranded, emotionally shipwrecked

I lost my mum today

It's hard to know what to say. People who have any kind of medical condition needing treatment have to accept help, and sometimes they just aren't willing to do this - for whatever reason. Each person has their own reasons, though they may never have put them into words. Fear is probably the most likely reason. For example, someone may be afraid to see a doctor in case they are told they have cancer. Yet if the doctor starts treatment as soon as possible, their chances of recovery are much higher. And where alcohol is involved, shame and embarrassment are difficult barriers to overcome. I have to admit, I was drinking too much myself and am currently abstaining. Probably the best way for others to bring up the subect with someone who has a problem is for them to chose a time when the person is in a conversational mood and , hopefully, able to remenmber. They could perhaps chat about how they themselves felt washed out, ill and depressed after drinking a lot at a social event, and they felt a lot better after 'resting their body' for two days (ie abstaining from alcohol) plus taking vitamins/minerals (especially B-complex and zinc), sleeping naturally, eating good food, doing some kind of enjoyable activity, mixing with positive company and tackling any difficult issues/problems in a realistic and systematic way. If the person with the probem thinks you're just sharing your own experience of a bad hangover, they'll listen more readily, perhaps open up a bit, and be willing to talk. If you haven't experienced a hangover yourself, tell them you knew someone who used to have terrible hangovers a lot. You can then suggest other things they can do. You can also mention guidelines for their drinking, eg 1)'resting' for the next two days, and then ensuring they have a rest from alcohol for at least two consecutive days in each and every week. 2)limiting their drinking to a maximum of 21 units per week for men and 14 units per week for women. 3) Spreading their drinking over a number of days, instead of drinking 21 units in one day. 4) Drinking at a reasonable time (ie not before midday and preferably not before going to bed). 5) drinking only with or after food. 6) drinking socially, but not with people who will encourage drinking.

If any of these guidelines present difficulties (and they will, if the person has a problem), you can encourage the person to see that alcohol is a central part of their life, that it's an obstacle and a hindrance, and that it controls them and deprives them of freedom, health, opportunity etc. Parts of it or all of it will be difficult, but support from others is available in many forms, 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Eg doctor, medication, counselling, AA groups, other groups. Different people/agencies/methods focus on different aspects of the problem, in different ways and at different times. All are available, so the person with the difficulty can work out and choose their own path to recovery, and choose their own means of support for each aspect of the problem. When the person is challenged or made to feel shameful, they can become defensive or secretive, or feel that they are different from others and hopelessly lacking in self-control. It's important to make the person feel they will be able to take control, even in small things and for short periods of time. Anyway, enough from me. It's inspiring reading all the other contributions and personal accounts. I look forwards to seeing more on this topic.

A friend of mine is an alcoholic.

For six years or more, I listened to her, suggested places she could go for help, supported her as she tried detoxes and treatment programs - all of which she ended up leaving after a day, a week, or at most, two months.

It was a horrendous cycle. She'd phone me up, drunk, upset, angry ... I'd try and listen, or I'd tell her to call me back when she was sober - and the next day she'd phone, apologising, swearing never to do it again ...until two or three days later.

I asked her to promise me not to call when drunk - she promised, and
broke it. Some evenings she would call over twenty times, and I'd simply put the phone down after reminding her I said I wouldn't talk to her when she'd been drinking. When sober, she'd call and want to talk for hours if I'd let her. About how awful everything was.

She swung between saying she had a problem, and then denying that her
drinking was out of control. It was only wine, after all. Only a bottle, most days. Or two.

I finally did the hardest thing in my life, and told her that I was
going to cut off all contact with her until she'd been sober for three
months. I couldn't handle the situation any more, nothing was changing and I only seemed to be making things worse for her. Plus, I'd had enough of worrying whether she was going to call, whether she'd be drunk, and how she was doing.

I stressed that I still cared about her, still wanted to be her friend, but I just couldn't /be/ her friend when she was drinking. Because the alcohol got in the way.

That was last summer. With one or two exceptions, she's pretty much
stuck to my ultimatum, and I haven't heard from her.

I think of her often... how she's doing, whether she's managed to go to AA, or some other treatment program... whether she's still stuck in her depressive spiral of drinking. I hope I made the right decision... I really hope that she'll call me one day to say that she's sober and working at staying that way. I miss her - at least, I miss the way she was at the times when she wasn't drinking. I don't miss the 3am phone calls, and the whole codependency/enabling trap.

Like everyone's said ... no easy answers.

Kirsti

hope things go ok with her.

for what its worth i think you made the right decision.

we are always being told about 'enabeling factors', things that allow the self destructive behaviour to continue. you got out before you could become her enabler.

tough decision, but has to be made.

FABT

hope things go ok with her.

for what its worth i think you made the right decision.

we are always being told about 'enabeling factors', things that allow the self destructive behaviour to continue. you got out before you could become her enabler.

tough decision, but has to be made.

FABT

hope things go ok with her.

for what its worth i think you made the right decision.

we are always being told about 'enabeling factors', things that allow the self destructive behaviour to continue. you got out before you could become her enabler.

tough decision, but has to be made.

FABT

Speaking of difficult decisions, as FABT was, I've just come to the conclusion that I really must do something about my drinking. I've had a long career as a dedicated boozer and thankfully still haven't reached the kind of tragic state described in some of the postings above, such as the heartbreaking ones from Dax , but lately it has all been getting out of hand and has been leaving me feeling lousy most of the time. The hangovers have been getting horrendous, and I seem to pick up every bug that's going around. Alcohol weakens your immune system, so it probably has a lot to do with the poor health I've had lately. I'm already being treated for depression - and alcohol is a depressant.

I now really feel that I should probably go and see my doctor about it. Not an easy thing to do or an easy subject to discuss, and I'm unsure what the can actually do to help. But I think it's time to find out.

I would have thought that the Doctor could at least give you advice on what is a sensible amount to drink and how it will affect your depression. I think these sort of situations, not alcoholism but heavy drinking, are very person specific, it all depends on your body and mind and hopefully a doctor would be able to advise.
Good luck.

I suppose (and this is going to sound like another cliche) you will have to look at your whole life and see what is making you drink-and even if it seems like fun-it's doing in your health and happiness. even if you don't see a you at least know you need to do something. A great start.
Good luck

I did go to the , and she referred me to an alcohol advisory service that sounds great. They offer massage and aromatherapy as well as counselling! They can't fit me in until the middle of next week, but I can wait. I'm really looking forward to it!

The truly amazing thing is where that service is based. It's almost directly across the road from where I live! It's discreetly hidden away in an office building that also contains various other ventures, so I've passed it countless times without ever knowing it was there! Help really is close at hand...

Yay! I could see the massage being a good idea, as it would help you relax, which is often why folk drink. Its nice to know there is help there. Good luck for your visit